Seriously???

Skippy's getting married??? if you could have heard the way my mother cried at having not been invited!!!! She wonders what she ever did to deserve this treatment.It really is a shame that your father is dying and the only link he has to his blood family is being shunned for something she had nothing to do with!!! Congrats to skippy...... you know none of would have been able to attend, but certainly would have sent a nice gift!!!

That was the post made on my sister's facebook wall by my cousin. Clearly a cousin we are not very close to.

Now, let me explain the very disturbing points in this post:

1- We are really NOT close with this side of our family
2- The wedding is in NJ and they live in FL
3- The wedding was rescheduled for personal reasons and downsized significantly!
and 4- and the biggest problem I have is that I was not aware my father was DYING!!!

So, think about this, this crazy cousin posts that her mother is upset that my brother's wedding date has been changed and she learned of this on facebook; yet she thinks it is okay to inform us that our father is dying.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I would like to say that my father does have cancer, but that his doctors are very optimistic about curing his cancer or at least we thought until we read this post!!!! Not to mention that my father's medical status is somewhat personal and not something that my siblings and I discuss with random people. Not that we do not talk about it, but we let him decide how much goes up on facebook and he does share a lot, but again it is his status to share, not ours and surely NOT a cousin that does not know the ins-and-outs of his treatments or diagnosis!

Needless to say, I think it is CLEAR from this post why no invitation was sent, when the focus of this wedding was to have the people that Billy and Kelly love and that love them share this day not to add DRAMA to what is already a stressful time for our families.

Who Says You Can't Go Home?

I spent 20 years trying to get out of this place
I was looking for something I couldn't replace
I was running away from the only thing I've ever known...

and what I ran from was GOOD PIZZA:)


My trip to NJ did improve my attitude. Getting away from the house and seeing some people other than the five I live with was good! Spent time with family. Laughed. Ditched the monsters. Ate awesome food. And traffic didn't suck either way! A trip of near perfection! If only it had been beach weather, it would have been a prefect trip!

Smokey sings...

People say I'm the life of the party
Because I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears..

________________________________________________________________________________________


No more smiles here. I thought yesterday was just a down day, it seems the blues have followed me into today. I am not sure what has me down, I guess that's not true, I know and I also know that the thoughts weighing on me are not ones that I can do much about. The continued snow, unrest in the world, unsettled financial markets; throw on top of that worries I have for my family and all they are dealing with. My dad's cancer, my mom's craziness, the weight-of-the-world on my sister's shoulders and my brother's wedding. That is all before I get to my Perfect Little Crew of Monsters and a husband to worry about:)

None of these worries are new but for some reason, yesterday it all came flooding in at once and continues today. Sleep has not come easily the last few nights and I know that never helps the stress, but it does not seem to just be stress, there is also sadness. Anxiety and stress is one thing(with meds that help;-) but sadness is much harder to work past.

I am falling into a funk! Weeks on end of no schedule for the family. Days and days stuck in the house because of snow has caught-up with me. I need some new faces to look at. New conversations to have.

Hopefully this weekend will bring that with little-to-no self destruction:) I will report, hopefully with a new attitude, when I return:)

What's New...

There is not much to report here. We were hit by another Blizzard last night and into today. That is the second one this week and our third since late December. We have about 30 inches of snow on the ground which brings our total for the season to over 50. That would be fine if our average was not just under 15. I am done with the snow! Schools are closed through Friday and Ben is home through Tuesday.

This morning I reached my breaking point when the news of Capt. Phil's death came to me. I do not know Phil personally, but he was my favorite captain and the Cornilla Maria my favorite vessel. I loved that his sons were out fishing with him and how much they loved each other. I feel sad for them. They lost their dad and he was only 53 years old. I am sure a lot of my sadness is more for myself then them as I watch my own father at the age of 56, battle stage 4 lung cancer. I hope not to feel the loss that they are feeling for a very long time. Nevertheless, between the snow that has trapped us in the house for the better part of two weeks, wishing I could be with my dad and Capt. Phil's passing, I broke down this morning. Crying made me feel a little better and when I was done, I cleaned the house up and shoveled.

After a morning like that, I was about done for the day. After I made lunch and did the dishes(because I cook 3 meals a day now, the washer gets run at least 3 times a day!)I headed into my bedroom, took a shower and vegged with Dirty Dancing. I always loved that movie. More I am sure because of my age when it come out then for the actual movie, nonetheless, I sat and watched and enjoyed it.

Now at almost midnight, I sit still feeling, bleh and hoping tomorrow will bring sunshine and melting. I am not sure how much longer I can endure family togetherness trapped in the house!

I Wanna Know How Forever Feels...

wait, I already know! FOREVER feels like it being Feb.7th and your Monsters thinking that school is out for summer and NOT because of the weather but because school is NEVER open due to SNOW(seriously, Maggie is working on week 3 of no school and Declan and Killi went for 4 hours total last week)! Add to the "FOREVER" feeling that your husband has been home since 2pm Friday after being home all day Wednesday!

I really do love my family, but even I have reached my max on "days trap in the house together". If we had been smart, we would have packed-up Thursday and headed down to OBX! We didn't and now we are paying for it. We could have had a four-day trip to the beach and lost no vacation time for Ben or the kids. Instead we sit here. Sit here in COLD, ICY Virginia where schools are closed through Tuesday and the Federal Government is closed. We sit and wait for the next storm to begin on Tuesday that is expected to bring us up to another 5 inches; which will close school for Wednesday and maybe Thursday.

I would be much happier watching a "Big Orange Ball, Sinking in The Water"! That is how FOREVER should feel!

Only Me!

I think I have always been forthcoming in disclosing my bitchiness. I do not disclose it as a good or a bad thing, just that I am. By bitchiness I mean that I can be abrupt, straight-forward, pushy, opinionated and don't mind sharing all those things:) What I really do not like is for other people to be that way! Especially people who pretend to NOT be that way. I also hate when people lie about dumb things, well when they lie to me about dumb things.

Yes, I know that this entire post is hypocritical.

Let me start again.

I cannot stand people who pretend to be super sweet & nice and honest, that then decided that they are going to be big GIANT BITCHES that lie. I find it really ruins my day.

The point is, I like to know and be able to decide if I want to deal with bitchy, liars not have someone decide after years are playing sweet and nice to turn into well...ME!

Taking the Good with the Bad

I have had enough of this snow and here is why- it snows here and 3 days after the snow has stopped falling, schools remain closed. That would not even be so bad, but they are calling for MORE snow tomorrow night! What will that mean for Wednesday? I really need for everyone to go to work and school so that I can get some school work done. I feel like it is all or nothing around here!

I do have to admit that all has not been bad being stuck at home. The house is much cleaner than it has been is awhile and the laundry is getting done and put away:) The floor has been mopped twice in two days which hasn't happened in...well forever!

I have also had some time to think. Think about what I need and reevaluate what I can and cannot do. I see that I am over-committed and although I WANT to do all I sign on to, the hours are just not there for me to do them all and do them well. I know that it is time to cut back. I want to spend more time with my family, I want to do well in school, and I want to be happy! Those are my priorities. If I help others along the way great, if not, I am sorry. In the past few months I have really begun to see how valuable time is and there is never enough of it. There is no eraser to wipe away the wasted time and try again, when it is gone it is gone! I have decided that I want to look back and smile not see wasted time.

I am hoping tomorrow will bring another enjoyable day.