So, we are at my parents for the holidays. I am very happy to be here spending the holidays with them, but I will admit that the decision to come was not all made with joy. As most of you know, my father was diagnosed with Lung Cancer a few months ago and it sucks! He has had surgery and will start chemo next Monday. His doctors are very optimistic so I too am trying. But some days are easier than others for me and I am sure for the rest of my family. Nevertheless, we are here for the holidays!
This is also the first year that my mom is celebrating the holidays without a call to NJ to wish either of her parents a Merry Christmas, as we lost my Pop-Pop a few months ago. I think she is happy that we are here and I hope it makes it a bit easier for her. It has been a long time since she spent the holiday with her family, but I still think the first Christmas without a loved one is the hardest.
There was more difficult news from my Brother and his crew over the past few months too! News that has caused changes in their future and wedding plans. It is a good thing the road has been so rocky lately, everyone seems much more willing to go with the flow when changes need to be made;-)
What I am learning from the past few months is that time is not unlimited! No matter how much you try, you can never get more. You need to made the most of it. Everyday and every moment is not going to be a good one, but there is no need to dwell on the bad ones just know that you can make the next one better.
I had been having a really difficult time with that concept the past few months, but I am trying. I am going to work everyday to enjoy the good and move past the bad. I hope that is what I get from this holiday season.
My life is good! My Monsters Rock! My Husband is the Best! And my family and friends bring me joy!
Merry Christmas Everyone and Happy New Year!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Another Bump!
Today I went to the dentist for what was supposed to be a filling, but like EVERYTHING in my life these days, it did not go as planned. I ended up having an emergency root canal! I had an infected tooth that caused an abscess. So, what was to be a 15 min filling, turned into 3 hrs in the chair and more pain now than I had when I walked in! My tooth is throbbing! My ear, face and jaw hurt so bad from the shot of Novocaine and I cannot sleep! I have tried motrin and vicoden and I am still unable to sleep. I have also tried ice! I am tired and in pain!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
A Note To My Friends...
Friends~
Today my family received disappointing news about my dad's cancer. The cancer has advanced further than we/the doctors had thought. With that said, the next few months are likely to be challenging, mostly for my dad, but also for the rest of us that love him. On that note, I would like to ask for your patience. I may be the best person in the world at projecting my anger/stress in completely unrelated places:) Just know that and please try and understand. Let me also tell you all that Maggie is probably going to be able to keep her bottle past our deadline of December 18, since fighting with her over a bottle is NOT what I want to do at my parents over Christmas. So again, I am aware that it needs to go and that she is TOO OLD, but I am NOT having that fight anytime soon.
Other-than-that, I guess all I ask is for good/happy thoughts for my dad and the rest of the family. If you have any advice for my dad or the family, I would love it.
Thanks again! And I love and appreciate all of you!
Today my family received disappointing news about my dad's cancer. The cancer has advanced further than we/the doctors had thought. With that said, the next few months are likely to be challenging, mostly for my dad, but also for the rest of us that love him. On that note, I would like to ask for your patience. I may be the best person in the world at projecting my anger/stress in completely unrelated places:) Just know that and please try and understand. Let me also tell you all that Maggie is probably going to be able to keep her bottle past our deadline of December 18, since fighting with her over a bottle is NOT what I want to do at my parents over Christmas. So again, I am aware that it needs to go and that she is TOO OLD, but I am NOT having that fight anytime soon.
Other-than-that, I guess all I ask is for good/happy thoughts for my dad and the rest of the family. If you have any advice for my dad or the family, I would love it.
Thanks again! And I love and appreciate all of you!
Monday, November 23, 2009
This Is What Scares Me!
It is no secret that I am not a fan of socialized medicine and the past few weeks has done nothing to change my opinion.
I am sure that it was a coincidental that the "big" changes in health care were both for women, but it sure feels like a slap in the face and incredibly sexist. It also seems that it is a rationing of health care and at whose expense? Let me start with this little bit of information from the American Cancer Society, between 1955 and 1992, the cervical cancer death rate declined by 74%. The main reason for this change was the increased use of the Pap test...with that reported, let's cut the need for so many pap tests. Catching cancer after 2/3 years instead of every year will surely not advance the cancer before it is caught. Oh yeah, let's also throw in the fact that women should now wait until they are 21( average age virginity is lost is 16 in the US)to start having pap tests instead of the old, start when you become sexually active. This when we know that atleast 70% of cervical cancer is caused by HPV and sexually transmitted disease. Seems smart to wait. Instead, let's immunize our 9 year old daughters from an STD(a vaccine that is now required in many states)that is seemingly not an issue because they will not be tested until they are 21 or older. Again, I am not sure I understand. No, I do, if we are only going to save a FEW women, is it really cost effective? In my opinion, yes, it is!
I guess what it comes down to for me is who gets to decided who lives and who dies and who decides how many lives make a test cost effective? What is the price of a human life? I am glad that these doctors and researches feel that they have come up with that price.
As I said, I am sure that the change in pap tests and mammograms coming out at nearly the same time was coincidental, but someone should call-up Christina Applegate and let her know that her life is not worth the cost of a mammogram and she is not the only woman under 50 to have been diagnosed with breast cancer thanks to a mammogram. But I guess that is the price of human life a mammogram, a pap test.
I am finding these changes in guidelines hard to swallow. Watching insurance companies make money hand-over-fist and then arbitrarily deciding who deserves to live so that they can make MORE money is annoying and wrong!
Yes, I have heard the argument for mammograms and radiation, but shouldn't a patient be able to weigh that risk, not the insurance company? And I have yet to hear what the negative effects of a pap test is, so if women will go every year starting when they becomes sexually active, who does that hurt? Right, the insurance company that has to pay for it, pay for it with the money you have been paying ALL YEAR!
I am sure it is not ALL about money, but it sure seems like it is. Is this what socialized medicine is going to be like in the US? Because I much prefer my personal doctor deciding what is best for me and not some analysts looking at bottom-lines. I am not a bottom-line, I am a person and if a test can save one person is that not worth the cost? I am just glad that I am not the one trying to put a monetary value on human life!
I am sure that it was a coincidental that the "big" changes in health care were both for women, but it sure feels like a slap in the face and incredibly sexist. It also seems that it is a rationing of health care and at whose expense? Let me start with this little bit of information from the American Cancer Society, between 1955 and 1992, the cervical cancer death rate declined by 74%. The main reason for this change was the increased use of the Pap test...with that reported, let's cut the need for so many pap tests. Catching cancer after 2/3 years instead of every year will surely not advance the cancer before it is caught. Oh yeah, let's also throw in the fact that women should now wait until they are 21( average age virginity is lost is 16 in the US)to start having pap tests instead of the old, start when you become sexually active. This when we know that atleast 70% of cervical cancer is caused by HPV and sexually transmitted disease. Seems smart to wait. Instead, let's immunize our 9 year old daughters from an STD(a vaccine that is now required in many states)that is seemingly not an issue because they will not be tested until they are 21 or older. Again, I am not sure I understand. No, I do, if we are only going to save a FEW women, is it really cost effective? In my opinion, yes, it is!
I guess what it comes down to for me is who gets to decided who lives and who dies and who decides how many lives make a test cost effective? What is the price of a human life? I am glad that these doctors and researches feel that they have come up with that price.
As I said, I am sure that the change in pap tests and mammograms coming out at nearly the same time was coincidental, but someone should call-up Christina Applegate and let her know that her life is not worth the cost of a mammogram and she is not the only woman under 50 to have been diagnosed with breast cancer thanks to a mammogram. But I guess that is the price of human life a mammogram, a pap test.
I am finding these changes in guidelines hard to swallow. Watching insurance companies make money hand-over-fist and then arbitrarily deciding who deserves to live so that they can make MORE money is annoying and wrong!
Yes, I have heard the argument for mammograms and radiation, but shouldn't a patient be able to weigh that risk, not the insurance company? And I have yet to hear what the negative effects of a pap test is, so if women will go every year starting when they becomes sexually active, who does that hurt? Right, the insurance company that has to pay for it, pay for it with the money you have been paying ALL YEAR!
I am sure it is not ALL about money, but it sure seems like it is. Is this what socialized medicine is going to be like in the US? Because I much prefer my personal doctor deciding what is best for me and not some analysts looking at bottom-lines. I am not a bottom-line, I am a person and if a test can save one person is that not worth the cost? I am just glad that I am not the one trying to put a monetary value on human life!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Because I Cannot Sleep
Again tonight I am up! I tried am tired, but sleep is just not happening. I even spent the better part of the day out in the fresh-air and that ALWAYS makes me tired, except for today I guess. I shouldn't say that because I am tired. I just cannot sleep. I have laid in bed for the past 2 hours and have had no luck! Tonight it my be that I am missing not one but both my co-sleepers with Ben and Marg away:)
Tomorrow I should do a small shopping order at the food store, but I am not willing to bet on that:) I am hoping to get to Target for a few "extras" we need to finish the decorations. I would like to sleep in though and with only Declan home with me I should be able to:) Problem is that it is Sunday and I have been so trained to sit and watch the Steelers play that I only have until 1pm to get all my chores done. So, if I sleep until 10:30, how will I get anything done? I guess there is always Monday and if not Monday, Ben is home on Tuesday;-) Boy has he been a model husband the past couple of months!
Tomorrow I should do a small shopping order at the food store, but I am not willing to bet on that:) I am hoping to get to Target for a few "extras" we need to finish the decorations. I would like to sleep in though and with only Declan home with me I should be able to:) Problem is that it is Sunday and I have been so trained to sit and watch the Steelers play that I only have until 1pm to get all my chores done. So, if I sleep until 10:30, how will I get anything done? I guess there is always Monday and if not Monday, Ben is home on Tuesday;-) Boy has he been a model husband the past couple of months!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Phone Call
Today I received a phone call from my insurance company, here is a quick recap:
Me: Hello
INS: Hi, is Emily in?
Me: This is
INS: Hi, Emily this is _________, with your insurance co and we are calling today because we see that you have suffered with depression in the past and we would like to make sure you are getting the most out of your benefits.
Me: umm...okay
INS: Do you mind answering a few questions today
Me: fire away
INS: How would you describe your current mental state?
ME: today or in general?
INS: Well, let's look at the past month or so
Me: okay...Well, about 6 weeks ago my grandfather died, then I got H1N1 which caused pneumonia that I could not get-rid of for 3 weeks. Two weeks ago I flew to FL to be with my dad, who is 56 and had to have surgery for lung cancer and when I got home last week I had an outbreak of shingles in my nose.
INS: WOW, do you have children?
Me: yes, a 4.5 yr old, an almost 7 and an 8 r old.
INS: Well, that is alot to deal with.
Me: Ya think? And oh did I mention that I live in VA so the weather here sucks in the Fall and Winter. It is 70 and sunny one day, then is 50 and rainy for 3 days.
INS: Well, that is something else. I am sure that all of that would test anyone even if you didn't suffer depression.
Me: Ya Think?
INS: do you think you are suicidal?
Me: No
INS: well why?
Me: *sigh* Well, I have 3 small kids
INS: and
Me: Well, they could not possibly live w/o me
INS: really?
Me: No, I am sure they could, but I like to tell myself that:)
INS: So what gets you out of bed in the morning?
Me: did I mention that I have 3 KIDS!
INS: oh, so they wake you?
Me: YEAH! Do you have any other questions?
INS: I think that is all for now. I will have your case manager _______ call you on Monday, what time is good?
Me: Well, the kids are all in school between 9-11 EST, so that is best.
INS: Oh, you have kids? How old are they?
Me: really? look back in your notes, I have to go pick my little one up at preschool.
After I hung up and replayed the conversation in my head, my first thought was that I was being "punked", then I moved on to believe that I would come back home and the men would be there waiting to put me in a "white-coat". I cannot wait for the phone call Monday. I hope it goes just as well:)
Me: Hello
INS: Hi, is Emily in?
Me: This is
INS: Hi, Emily this is _________, with your insurance co and we are calling today because we see that you have suffered with depression in the past and we would like to make sure you are getting the most out of your benefits.
Me: umm...okay
INS: Do you mind answering a few questions today
Me: fire away
INS: How would you describe your current mental state?
ME: today or in general?
INS: Well, let's look at the past month or so
Me: okay...Well, about 6 weeks ago my grandfather died, then I got H1N1 which caused pneumonia that I could not get-rid of for 3 weeks. Two weeks ago I flew to FL to be with my dad, who is 56 and had to have surgery for lung cancer and when I got home last week I had an outbreak of shingles in my nose.
INS: WOW, do you have children?
Me: yes, a 4.5 yr old, an almost 7 and an 8 r old.
INS: Well, that is alot to deal with.
Me: Ya think? And oh did I mention that I live in VA so the weather here sucks in the Fall and Winter. It is 70 and sunny one day, then is 50 and rainy for 3 days.
INS: Well, that is something else. I am sure that all of that would test anyone even if you didn't suffer depression.
Me: Ya Think?
INS: do you think you are suicidal?
Me: No
INS: well why?
Me: *sigh* Well, I have 3 small kids
INS: and
Me: Well, they could not possibly live w/o me
INS: really?
Me: No, I am sure they could, but I like to tell myself that:)
INS: So what gets you out of bed in the morning?
Me: did I mention that I have 3 KIDS!
INS: oh, so they wake you?
Me: YEAH! Do you have any other questions?
INS: I think that is all for now. I will have your case manager _______ call you on Monday, what time is good?
Me: Well, the kids are all in school between 9-11 EST, so that is best.
INS: Oh, you have kids? How old are they?
Me: really? look back in your notes, I have to go pick my little one up at preschool.
After I hung up and replayed the conversation in my head, my first thought was that I was being "punked", then I moved on to believe that I would come back home and the men would be there waiting to put me in a "white-coat". I cannot wait for the phone call Monday. I hope it goes just as well:)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Oh, What to Share.
Do I share the fact that I after having H1N1, pneumonia, sinus infection and then shingles in my nose, I think I am finally on the mend?
Do I share that my two week trip to Florida was not pleasure, but to be with my family while my 56 year old father had surgery for lung cancer?
What about the fact that while I was in Florida I missed the execution of John Muhammad, who completely terrorized my life for weeks while I was pregnant with Killi and who I was not at all sad to see put to death?
How about how I have lost so much respect for the Attorney General of the past few weeks? Lost respect for this man that I have admired for years, who now seems to think that he IS the LAW.
Share that although I have been home for a week now, I still have found NO time to spend with my husband?
None of that. What I will share is that I love my family and I am so happy to have them. Through the good and the bad, I love them and better yet, they love me:) I am trying to remind myself to hug and kiss them all more and cherish every moment with them, because I know that even a Bad Moment together is still together and there are too many people that don't would be so happy with that. With any moment. I am enjoying each and every one!
Do I share that my two week trip to Florida was not pleasure, but to be with my family while my 56 year old father had surgery for lung cancer?
What about the fact that while I was in Florida I missed the execution of John Muhammad, who completely terrorized my life for weeks while I was pregnant with Killi and who I was not at all sad to see put to death?
How about how I have lost so much respect for the Attorney General of the past few weeks? Lost respect for this man that I have admired for years, who now seems to think that he IS the LAW.
Share that although I have been home for a week now, I still have found NO time to spend with my husband?
None of that. What I will share is that I love my family and I am so happy to have them. Through the good and the bad, I love them and better yet, they love me:) I am trying to remind myself to hug and kiss them all more and cherish every moment with them, because I know that even a Bad Moment together is still together and there are too many people that don't would be so happy with that. With any moment. I am enjoying each and every one!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)