Where to start? I guess where I left-off last night, People are RUDE and IGNORANT! But, to add to that, I have added awful mother to my resume.
I cannot stand when people comment to my blog or send me emails anonymously, to be fair, these comments/emails only bother me when they are mean, ignorant or attack my opinion. That is not to say that I mind when people comment with mean, nasty and ill-informed comments, just be man enough to sign your name or leave an email address/phone number something. I just think it is completely uncool to pretend to engage me in a debate, get me all jazzed-up and then walk away...so passive aggressive!(BTW- I am happy to take any kind, agreeable comments anytime, no names needed;-)
Now on to the bigger issue, my awful parenting skills! My girls have been so beyond bad there are no words to describe their behavior. Tonight we had a repeat of Saturday. Me screaming and yelling chasing them off to bed early. That is NOT why I feel like an awful mother though. I feel like an awful mother because I feel guilty for yelling at them and sending them to bed. I feel mean for ending their day that way. I am the worst disciplinarian in the world! I need to get over this FAST! These monsters are gonna eat me alive!
Oh, one more thing. After I chased the girls off to bed, they had the nerve to come and ask me if they could still watch tv before bed!
8 comments:
I agree with you on the fact of people leaving crude messages on my blog and not leaving a name to stand up and be man enough to take responsibility for what they say. it drives me nuts..
i just wanted to tell you i know where you are coming from
I think you should work on your parenting skills. You are admitting there is an issue there. Do you really have to end it with you yelling and feeling mean? You felt mean because you were mean. Perhaps try counting to ten, even 5-- if oyu make it to five, you can make it to ten...then ask yourself how you can calmly fix the problem. You are the parent after-all. Think about what you did when you were little and your mom yelled at you and sent you to bed early. I bet you came back out and asked to watch TV? If you didn't, you sure wanted to but were too afraid. Yeah, I am making assumptions and generalizing, but hey, just trying to help. I find all of my best parenting skills come from doing the exact opposite of what my parents did. Instead of yelling, hug. Instead of no, yes. Instead of punishment alone, increased interaction and attention. And thats usually it with children, they just want your love and attention. (do not confuse attention with affection-- there is a time variable there)
hope that helps.
slakk
Slakk,
Um...are you a parent? Do you know the blogger? I do, personally, and have for years. I have four kids, she has three and I have known all of them since birth. They are wonderful, funny, amazing little people, but they are kids and they can push you to the edge. The blogger is an excellent mother, attentive and kind, and what she was saying was that she is often not firm enough or consistent in her discipline...and that when she was she felt guilty. Being a GOOD parent means that you teach your children right from wrong and you act as the adult and make the hard choices and punish. When her youngest punches her oldest, should she be hugged? Seriously, keep your parenting advice to yourself and live by the old adage...if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
hi- yes I am a parent. I try to take things very slow and think about what I am doing and what kind of "parent persona" I am presenting to children. I wasn't criticizing you, just offering a few suggestions. I hope you liked them. It can be difficult, but the key to parenting is maintaining being the pillar of respect with your children. Once a child has contempt for a parent, the tables aren't turned, they no longer exist and the relationship with your child will be a constant battle with little or no respect for one another on both sides. In my opinion.
Have a good one.
slakk
To Tribe Mama:
No I do not know Jersey Girl, I stumbled across her blog, read a few words like, "Now on to the bigger issue, my awful parenting skills!" and figured I'd chime in.
I did not say anything worse that the blogger did. I was not trying to be mean. In fact I think I am being nice by commenting and offering my take on it.
I didn't say " My girls have been so beyond bad there are no words to describe their behavior."
Jersey Girl is admitting there is a problem, not only with the girls behavior but with her own by stating "Me screaming and yelling...feel like an awful mother because I feel guilty for yelling..."
(unless the blogger is over-embellishing the story or is trying to use colorful wording while maintaining a tongue in cheek attitude)
So what I am saying to solve this is simply stop the yelling. No one listens when someone yells at them. I was offering some advise. The blogger commented to my blog asking me if I was a parent. Since I had mentioned in my original comment that "I find all of my best parenting skills come from doing the exact opposite of what my parents did" one would easily conclude that I am indeed a parent and very proud, as I am sure this blogger is.
I was unaware of any punching going on between the children. I agree that is unacceptable. However I must disagree that your contention that "they are kids and they can push you to the edge". In my world such a statement is false. Here is why. Firstly, its your "edge". You decide who and what pushes you over it, and secondly once you determine that you wish to even have an "edge" and will allow yourself to be pushed over it, anyone can do so, not just children.
Should the puncher be hugged? Yes.
To end that type of behavior, you sit that child down immediately and explain to them in very real adult terms how wrong it is to treat anyone that way.
Tell them it hurts your feelings to see that type of behavior from someone you love dearly and want to be proud of.
Tell the child how you expect them to behave because of your love for them.
Tell them how ashamed it makes YOU feel.
After that discussion you give them the biggest hug ever!
That's how I would handle it. I certainly wouldn't yell or use useless punishments such as early bed.
Protracting defense by condoning the punching as a reason to slip into the behavior of the "worst disciplinarian ever" and then immediately telling me to "...keep your parenting advice to yourself and live by the old adage...if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." is contradictory to the adage itself since that was not a very nice thing to say.
tee hee
:-P
slakk
I appreciate all the comments. I thank Tribe Momma for defending me and I also thank Slakk for the advice. I did say that I felt "guilty and mean". If I was afraid of critizism I would not air my dirty laundry:) That is why I have a blog, so I can get it out!
Such the diplomat Em :)
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