If It Ain't Broke...

It's been less than a year since I gave up my iphone and went with a Samsung but today I went for the deal AT&T and Apple were offering and took the iphone 5c deal. There was nothing WRONG with the Samsung III but all of my other devices are Apple and the ease of use is just a huge selling point so back I go.

Here are the top three things I have not enjoyed about the Samsung and android:
1- itunes is not compatible with it
2- the PLAY store is much more difficult to navigate than the itunes app store
3- the samsung is not compatible with the sound-system in my car
As I have listed these, I have thought of many others like the ads on the phone from google, annoying when you are paying a TON of money for cell service each month!

I know that there are people that really enjoy their androids and maybe if I had started with that instead of an iphone for smartphones I would feel differently but for now I am going back to apple.

More Firsts Ahead.

Today marks eight months that my father has been gone and the days are not getting easier. In fact, with the "Holiday Season" upon me it is getting more difficult. I am not one to easily get through holiday season as it is; the stress of family and keeping everyone happy is too much for me while trying to transition to the dark,drab,gray of winter weather! My very fragile mental state is overwhelmed by it all!LOL! So, this one is sure to be GREAT, given this added stress.

Now, I am stressed about becoming stressed out! How crazy can one person be?

The Reset Button.

It is time to hit the "reset button" on my life. I've allowed myself to be carried away by the routine of life and forgotten how to live life, how I WANT to live my life, forgotten what is important. It used to be that when this happened to me I would spend hours or days beating myself up for wasting time(what a waste of time:) Not this time, this time I am just going to try hitting reset.

I am going to make a list and check it twice, hoping that I manage to get some of the "to-do's" off my list or atleast not do things that are not on the list. I want to spend more time with the monsters and I haven't picked up picked up a book in months. I am not sure of the last time I kissed my husband or played fetch with the pups. I just don't want to let things get too far away that I need a road map back!

And this is why...



I've made it 1/2 a year without him.

Life is too short to beat myself up over how I could live it better, I am just reminding myself that I am here to live it.

What It Is

Since my SIL asked me for my blog address and I had to come here and get it, I took it as a sign that I must need to write. Life seems to be passing at lightening speed! As usual I have too many things going on and not enough hours in the day to complete all the tasks. It may be time to try the dreaded "to-do" list again. First on it...BLOG daily :)

Changing.

It's different now. My dad being gone. It's harder is some ways, easier in others. I don't think about him every second of everyday anymore, although I still think about him a lot. Now I mostly think of how he is missing the things we are doing and how he would have enjoyed them, or the stories he would have had to go along with wherever we were. I miss being able to call him up and tell him about a bad call I saw in the ballgame or an amazing play. I know he has a great defense for the President in the recent scandals which I would love to hear even if just to tell him he was CRAZY! But it is different. The pain isn't there every second of everyday. I can finally take a deep breath again without my chest feeling like it is going to explode. What it is not is easier, it is just different.

Grief.

Grief: deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement That is what people keep calling the feelings I am experiencing right now, grief. Today, I am calling it anger. Today I have incredible anger for what I believe to be the injustice of having my father taken from me at only sixty years and two months old! The social security administration website tells me that I still have 19 years and 10 months left with him before he dies, 80 is the life expectancy of a male born in February of 1953. So the way I see it, the SSA lied to me! They have cheated me out of nearly 20 years with my father and I am angry about it! I'm angry at Phillip Morris for continuing to sell cigarettes long after knowing the harm it can cause people. How a company can knowingly sell a product that causes a disease like lung cancer is amazing. It makes me angry. I'm angry at the medical professionals who have not found a cure yet for lung cancer. I'm angry at the people who have fought and won the battle because it is just NOT fair! Yep, I know this feeling of anger is unhealthy, misguided and unproductive but that's how I feel today.

Letter To Me.

There is a Brad Paisley song entitled "Letter To Me", for those of you that are not familiar with the song you can listen here/. It is a song that when it plays on the radio I always stop and listen. When the song is over I always think about writing a "letter to me" but as of now I have not done it:) In the song Paisley writes to his seventeen year old self, I think I'll write to my teenage self.

Dear Emily, This is my letter to me. Life is the late 80's & early 90's moves too fast and everyone is in a rush to get somewhere bigger and better. The problem is that there is never big enough and you never get the best by rush through life. STOP, smell the roses. Be a kid. It's okay not to have a boyfriend in middle school, that will come. And when it does, be picky and I promise the nerd in math IS worth dating over the running back! Tell yourself and believe that you are as worthy as smart as capable as everyone else, but you have to belive it before other people will. Understand that people are going to treat and see you the way you treat and see yourself! Your heart is going to get broken when your first love ends and no matter what anyone tells you, You Did Love, you aren't too young! School. School is important. Learn how to write NOW because it is going to be the death of you later! You do need to give it your all. Right now school is your job. This is where you set the tone for your work ethic and drive that will carry you throughout your life. Don't be LAZY. Take the opportunities you are given, even if you're scared, you may never get the chance again. Tomorrow is never guaranteed, so Live knowing that today could be your last but hoping there will be a tomorrow. Love, Emily

That is my letter. I could add more and may in a private letter, one that my children will never see :) I wonder if I would have lived differently receiving this letter. I have no regrets in my life, but I do have a few "what if's". And when I take the time to remember them, my life seems fuller, I feel happier and more content. The small things do matter because they are building blocks to the big and your foundation needs to be strong so the blocks don't fall, but sometimes you can just lay the blocks down and move on without forcing them into place.