Monday, August 31, 2009

Really Trying

I have really been putting forth great effort trying to make some changes around here. Trying to waste less money, eat better foods, help the Monsters understand that money doesn't grow on trees:), and over all focus more on MY family.

To get started on this, I decided to precook some meals for the week. That should help with both eating better and saving money. So, yesterday I spent the day cooking!and mostly from scratch! I made chicken parm for last nights dinner, two trays of ziti to freeze and Chile that cooked all night in the crock-pot which half became dinner tonight and the other half got frozen for another meal! This is a big deal for me and I hope I am able to continue it!

I also have started back to a bedtime routine for the kids. Last night was the first night and it was a long night! Lots of Monsters traveling out for kisses and hugs and drinks and, and, and! They did get to sleep finally around 10pm, and I woke them at 8am. They were tired today and Mag was asleep within 20mins of her tuck-in tonight:) Hopefully this is a good sign and we can get back in the groove!

I am feeling like life is moving too fast! And everybody is rushing to keep-up. I have decided that I don't need to finish first anymore. Now I just want to enjoy the ride. I want the Monsters to know is really important in life! I hope it works!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Remembering

While on vacation last week, I had a dream about a boy I know that committed suicide during my Senior Year of High School. I am not sure what triggered the dream and subsequent memories, but it had been a long time since I thought so much about him.

His name was Jason. I had know him most of my life, my aunt and his mom were very good friends so I saw him often. Once I started school, we were in class together. He was my partner for kindergarten graduation:) I invited him to my birthday every year(when I was young;-) and for my 8th birthday he gave me a silver butterfly bracelet and necklace. I loved it! When I was in 5th grade, I switched schools and saw him less but as I said our families were friends and town was small, so it was never long before I saw him again. I remember often running into him at the boardwalk, he was always riding is dirt-bike up there on summer evenings.

I remember the last time I saw him, it was at the Quick-Check near my house, he stopped(on his bike)on his way home from the beach. We said "hi" asked about each others families and then went on our separate ways. A few months after that meeting, in the early morning, my aunt called to tell my mother the news of his passing. He had written a note, taken his father's gun and ended his life.

I remember being sad when it happened, but I think I am sadder now looking back on it. I am sad for his parents and brother who have had to go on without him. Sad for him that he could see no other way.

I am not sure what made me think of him, but I glad I did. I am glad to remember our time together and also see how lucky I am for being here right now.

RIP Jason.

Simplifying Life

I must be getting old or maybe I have stumbled on some wisdom:) Things in my world are changing. Big Changes. Good Changes. Difficult Changes. Changes none-the-less. Things that I thought were important no longer seem that way and the simply things in life are looking more appealing. Spending time with my family and friends(haha, friends:)Teaching my kids what is important in life, that is what I want to do!

We have a great deal going on activity wise in the Family and a schedule/routine will need to be found, but I also want to make Family Fun Time; camping,day trips, movie nights lots of quality bonding:)

I want to learn how to live in the moment, enjoy life! Change the way I prioritize things. Remember what is really important!

Wish me Luck!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

If I Believed...

I think if I believed in heaven and hell, hell would be all that is wrong and unpleasant in the world and heaven all the good things we have. Personally, I still searching for answers. What I do believe is that the petty, back-stabling bull shit that goes on is not Heaven. In fact, it is not remotely entertaining. Well, maybe that is a lie. It is slightly entertaining to watch people trip over themselves back-pedaling:)

I am tired! Tired of being in pain! Tired of being lied to! Tired of having to try so hard to be nice to people! A cave might be nice. A cool, quiet, dark cave! Hibernation!!! That is what I need!

I cannot stress enough that I was not prepared for this part of parenting! The part where I was going to have to play nice with others. I have never played well with others. Especially on their terms. I like to be able to take my ball and go home when I am done playing. Holding my tongue is also not a strong suit of mine. I like to throw out what is on my mind and like to see what comes back...that is until it stopped coming back and instead wrapped around the pole before returning with lots of changes! I miss directness; because even if the truth stings for a second it is so much better than the slow tear that continues to bite!

I am tired! Tired of fakeness and lies, back-stabbing and bull sh*t! I want to be done. I want to close my eyes and sleep with no pain or stress. With thoughts of heaven in my head. I want to enjoy what I have and ignore the rest. I want to smile more and cry less. I want to be happy and I know that only I can make myself happy! When tomorrow comes, I will be happy. I will enjoy my monsters! I will enjoy my life. I will decrease my stress and negativity.

I am tired!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Dental Work!

I know I have been very neglectful of my blog lately, but I am going to try to get back to it!

This weekend was supposed to be our big family camping trip out to the Eastern Shore. We didn't make it! Instead, I got an emergency trip to the dentist on Saturday for a toothache I was having! I expected to get there and be given some antibiotics and an appointment later in the week for some work. That is not what happened at all! What happened was I waited for over an hour to see the dentist and when I got in there he decided that I needed one root canal and one extraction and oh-by-the-way, we would do that all NOW! The root canal wasn't bad, the shots of Novocaine were worse(a total of 16 for the 2 procedures). The extraction was a different story. It was the wisdom tooth on the bottom left. It was impacted and decayed so that was not making it easy! The dentist called it a level 4 soft tissue extraction. That didn't sound good, but when he had to stop for a bigger scalpel I was really nervous! There was alot of cutting and pulling and when the tooth came out there was LOTS of blood! All over the dentist and me! The little bib did not catch it all and when I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, I saw more blood than I had ever imagined! Oh yeah, there are stitches too:)

Anyway, I left the office with an antibiotic that will surely give me a yeast infection and a script for vicodin that I cannot take! I was expecting to feel better by now, but I am not. My face is still swollen and warm to the touch. I will see the dentist in the morning to make sure all is well as my stitches seem to be out and hanging in my mouth. This was not fun! Not a fun weekend at all! If only I had taken better care of my teeth(if dental insurance wasn't sooo expensive)!