I think if I believed in heaven and hell, hell would be all that is wrong and unpleasant in the world and heaven all the good things we have. Personally, I still searching for answers. What I do believe is that the petty, back-stabling bull shit that goes on is not Heaven. In fact, it is not remotely entertaining. Well, maybe that is a lie. It is slightly entertaining to watch people trip over themselves back-pedaling:)
I am tired! Tired of being in pain! Tired of being lied to! Tired of having to try so hard to be nice to people! A cave might be nice. A cool, quiet, dark cave! Hibernation!!! That is what I need!
I cannot stress enough that I was not prepared for this part of parenting! The part where I was going to have to play nice with others. I have never played well with others. Especially on their terms. I like to be able to take my ball and go home when I am done playing. Holding my tongue is also not a strong suit of mine. I like to throw out what is on my mind and like to see what comes back...that is until it stopped coming back and instead wrapped around the pole before returning with lots of changes! I miss directness; because even if the truth stings for a second it is so much better than the slow tear that continues to bite!
I am tired! Tired of fakeness and lies, back-stabbing and bull sh*t! I want to be done. I want to close my eyes and sleep with no pain or stress. With thoughts of heaven in my head. I want to enjoy what I have and ignore the rest. I want to smile more and cry less. I want to be happy and I know that only I can make myself happy! When tomorrow comes, I will be happy. I will enjoy my monsters! I will enjoy my life. I will decrease my stress and negativity.
I am tired!
No comments:
Post a Comment