Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Worst Part of Nats Baseball-

Baseball is my favorite sport to watch in person, really anywhere; but I really enjoy going to baseball games. I enjoy to baseball games and watching the game. I like to be in my sit when the first pitch is thrown and do my best to stay there until the last pitch crosses the plate. Well, fans here in DC, do not enjoy baseball that way or any other sport. They ALWAYS arrive late! For football it is the middle to end of the 1st quarter, basketball is the same so it is not surprising that baseball fans(a term I hesitate to use) do not arrive until somewhere between the 1st and 3rd innings. That however is not the biggest issue with these "fans". My biggest issue, is that they come and go during the inning.

You heard me correctly, they not only come late to the game, but they walk to their seats right in the middle of an at-bat. Thatʻs right, imagine if you will, the count is 3-2, bases-loaded with 2 outs, hereʻs the wind-up and...And you donʻt know anymore because some sport-ignorant jackasses, decided it is a good time to take their seats right at that moment. And NO my Jersey friends, I am not making this up and NO this is not a once-a-game thing.

Last night, after missing several critical plays, I had beer spilled down my back(in the middle of an inning) and I decided it was time, after 6 seasons of baseball in DC, that these "fans" learn basic "baseball manners". I turned to the 4 idiots trying get seated and spilling beer on me and lost it. I yelled, I cursed and I explained how this would play out in the Bronx- and I am happy to report that this did make some all-be-it not enough, progress in my attempts to teach "baseball manners" to Nats Fans.

What I just donʻt understand is how these "fans" just donʻt see how rude it is to come/go or stand and chat in the middle of play. And if it that they are really so ignorant not to know understand common-fan behavior, it is time for the Nationals to convey these to their fans, for their own safety. Because if the Nats ever gain a real following and their fans were to travel to other ballparks to support them, they would end up getting their asses kicked! Honestly, imagine acting this way at a Mets or Yankee game, a Phillies or Red Sox Game- Maybe thatʻs what they need to understand Baseball etiquette, a fieldtrip to Citi Field to see Their Washington Nationals take on The NY Mets:) Bet they would become fast learners!!!!

Monday, April 25, 2011

A Long Time Coming.

I have always claimed not to care what others thought of me, what I have to come to understand as I have gotten older is that it is not an entirely true statement. I have spent the past few weeks deep in self-evaluation and reflection and to say that I was disappointed in what I saw would be an understatement. A weak, self-doubting, insecure, depressed lamb following a huge herd of sheep, that is what I had become. A person so wrapped up in what others thought of me that I changed me and the changes were not ones that were in the best interest of my family.

Here is what I know, I want people to like and respect me, but as I am and if I need to "change" or "conform" for people to like me, then they really donʻt like me do they? And itʻs okay for people not to like me, there are plenty of people that I donʻt like. What I refuse to do anymore is play games. Games of make believe and fairytale are NOT who I am, and I have never been. I like the "tell it as it is" kind of world where there are winners and losers and not everybody gets a trophy. A place of respect and consideration, not fake friendships in a Stepford world.

Another thing I know is that when people that have been in your life for 20+ years start questioning who you are and comment on how much youʻve changed, it is time to reflect and understand what you have changed for. And not all changes are bad, but mine were bad for me. The changes in me were bad because I began to abandon myself, my core beliefs and values. For the first time in my life I had become a "Nobody", Jane Doe, with few opinions and indecisive. I had gotten so beaten down that I could barely have a political conversation and hold my ground, forget the big things like parenting decisions. Hell, I have become so passive aggressive that my daughter has lost an entire year of school because I have been too weak to fight for her! Itʻs amazing that Ben has not had me committed yet, I donʻt think he has ever gotten to make as many parenting decisions as he has these past few months. I have even begun calling him at work when the kids are sick to see if it is okay that they stay home, WTF???? And yes, that is usually his response when I call and ask him:)

Now I think I am ready to regain my spirit, myself. Armed with the best sleep I have had in years over the past two weeks, I am ready. I am ready to step outside with my head held high, my convictions to stand on and a better understanding of myself. I am now back on MY track instead of the one most traveled. I have refocused in the right direction, my husband and monsters and the life I want for them. The family that Ben & I want to have. And if that is similar to other people thatʻs fine and if it is completely different, that is fine too.

Monday, April 18, 2011

When the Stars Align.

Do you ever have a day that you really, really want everything to go smoothly, but you know the odds are NOT on your side? That was my day today.

Last week Ben and I decided that we would head to our first baseball game as a family this season. Last year we had partial season tickets for the entire family, which didnʻt work out so well with the girls. They HATED sitting through the games. They were always bored or it was too hot or too cold, so I spent most games walking around the park with them trying to keep them entertained. Because of that, Ben and I decided that this season we would just get two seats and he and Declan would go to most of the games and we would just buy extra tickets for the few games we could force the girls into(they have Friday Night Fireworks, so sometimes that will hook them:) Anyway, today was the big day, our first game of the season all together and all the stars aligned for us when we were prepared for the worst and it was awesome!

The list of things to worry about was long. First, the weather, you can never be sure how thatʻs going to play out for you. We got a HUGE win on that front! After awful storms yesterday, today had not a cloud in the sky, but it wasnʻt too hot to sit in the sun, it was a perfect 68 degrees with a light breeze. Next we had the issue of facing not one, but two games with three kids. With yesterdayʻs game rained-out, they decided to play two today. Ben and I were sure we had no chance of making it through 1 full game, 2 was laughable. To our utter amazement, all three monsters not only made it through 2 full games, but not one asked "how much longer". Now, I am not going to lie, we did bribe they with the Build-a-Bear at the stadium between games 1 & 2, but even after building their mascot, they were still prefect through the entire 2nd game! Also, they only asked for lunch [which we had planned on buying with our $100.00 FREE Nat Bucks Ben got as a season ticket holder] and we treated them to ice cream in between games. 8 hours we spent in that stadium today and for almost 7 of them, my monsters sat in there seats, well behaved and watched baseball!!! I just donʻt think I can stress how rare an event this is! I got to watch baseball! I even got to take some pictures!

Because the day wasnʻt perfect enough, we had some "extra treats" thrown in. The kids got baseballs signed by Drew Storen and Wilson Ramos, Benʻs wonderful friend from work, sat with us for the second game and happily interacted with the kids, even giving Killi the t-shirt he caught in the "shirt toss" and the Nats won BOTH games, which was probably the least likely event to have occurred today:)

Right now I am so overwhelmed with happiness over my perfect day. It was just one of those days that could never be planned, they just happen. I wish I could bottle this feeling to use over and over again! Such peace and calm, I have recreated my Hawaiian state of mind:)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Turning Towards The East.

For sometime now I have been interested in exploring Eastern Religions and have most strongly been drawn to Buddhism. I suspect Buddhism has called the loudest as it seems the most easily accessible in my geographic area and online.

The appeal of Buddhism for me comes mostly in the "common sense" feel of the it. While I understand the journey in Buddhism is a life long one and I have barely begun to touch on more than the outer layers, what I have ventured into has been very centering and fulfilling for me. For the first time in a religion I read and truly feel that I understand what I am reading. I may not be able to achieve the goal within a lesson, but I understand the lesson. I understand what I am supposed to do. I know that there is a good chance that I could spend the rest of my life trying to move my mind to a higher level of thought and understand and not get there, but I want to try.

I want to feel the comfort, peace and security I felt when we visited the Byodo-In Temple in Hawaii. I want to enjoy the peace I feel from regular meditation. I want the aura around me to remain full of only positive energy. Believe in humility and live it. Feed my mind with constant knowledge and understanding of others. Learn true patience and compassion for others and no long judge people.

Maybe itʻs crazy that I want this life and maybe it is just a phase, but I hope not. I hope this is a path I can maintain in my life. One that I can share with my family. And not share with them in that I need them to practice with me, but in that I may find peace within myself that will allow me to experience life with them more fully and freely.

Being 5000 miles away from home for 8 days with only my husband and children, in the most beautiful place I have ever been taught me some things 1) Reality Bites 2) my husband and children are more important to me than anything in the world 3) I can find, achieve and maintain peace and happiness for more than a split second, I can do it for days 4)all this is more difficult to remember and achieve in daily life:)

I have decided that I need this and my family needs me to do this. I will keep exploring Buddhism and maybe some other Eastern Religions and maybe I will make up my own by picking and choosing the pieces that work for me and Iʻm okay with that, because what I need is a quiet and calm soul and mind.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

End of Our Catholicism.

Christianity has been alive for just over 2000 years. In that time several splits have occurred with the church. Some with that left seeking radical changes, others like the Church of England, that were just looking for leadership change. In 1517, the Church of England was formed when King Henry VIII severed ties between the Vatican and himself. The King declared himself the Head of the Church of England and appointed the Archbishop of Canterbury as leader[akin to the Catholic Pope] of the Church.

For those familiar with both Churches, you know that there is very little difference between the two; or was until about the last 20 years. Most of the prayers are the same, the order of the service the same, even the belief is Saints the same. Remember, I am talking Protestants here and only Protestants, not Baptists or Lutherans

Friday, April 8, 2011

Paradise Lost, but Not Forgotten

I am back from the most wonderful vacation I have ever been on. Eight days in Hawaii with my husband and monsters, I could not have imagined a trip this wonderful if I had tried. The intention of the trip was a to combine some work with some pleasure, but none of it turned out seeming like work. The kids ended up loving almost all the things I needed to visit for school, in fact there were a few things that they asked to do that ended up being perfect for the research I needed.

We spent our days seeing and doing so much. We would leave our room in the morning with our bathing suits and sweater since we never quite knew where weʻd end up or what kind of weather weʻd see. One day we went from sunny and 80 at the beach, then 57 and rainy at 11000 ft atop a volcano, back to the beach and sun all within 3 hours!

We watched the sunset above the clouds and then stood so close to the stars you felt like you could touch them. We visited the only palace in the United States and buried our toes into the Waikiki sand. Visited Pearl Harbor and the North Shore and everyone enjoyed it all!

I am not sure if the company made the trip or the trip made the company, but either way it was an experience of a lifetime that I will never forget!