Wednesday, May 1, 2013

2 Weeks or 14 Days?

Perspective. There was a period of time in my life, between being a little kid and having little kids, that 2 weeks didn't seem too long. What I've found out over the past 2 Weeks or 14 Days is that when your father dies, 2 weeks or 14 days again feels like forever but at the same time your life seems as if it is constantly changing. Maybe the feeling is caused by not sleeping or maybe it is just because you're constantly moving & searching for a new normal. It has been 2 weeks or 14 days. I wonder constantly if I'm mourning correctly. Should I be further along in the process? Should I not cry so much anymore? Should I delete his number from my phone? I do not know the correct etiquette on these things but I know there must be some and I am sure my dad would know it(and could reference Emily Post on it :) But without him I do not know. Two weeks or 14 days. My father was catholic; I'm not. I think my lack of faith concerned him. I'm not sure he cared that I didn't believe what he believed, I think it concerned him that I had nothing to turn to. I think my dad saw his faith as a comfort, as an answer to those few things science did not seem to explain for him. Whatever the his reasons, he was a believer :) This afternoon I was driving in my car to get a haircut and the next thing I knew I was pulling into the parking lot of a local Catholic Church. I sat there for a moment but then decided to go in. It was quiet and peaceful. For sometime I sat there and just kept hoping, wishing for a "sign" but one was not forthcoming. I then started reading the Bible and this was the first (and last) verse I read: But the souls of the just are in the hand of God, and no torment shall touch them. They seemed, in the view of the foolish, to be dead; and their passing away was thought an affliction and their going forth from us, utter destruction. But they are in peace. -Wisdom 3:1-6 I am not sure if it was the sign I was looking for or a sign at all, but they were the right words at the right time. I read the verse over several times, I am not sure exactly how many but a lot and I cried harder and harder each time. Then my tears stopped and I walked out of the church, my head-up and feeling lighter. 2 weeks or 14 days. That is how long it has been since you left. It is not getting easier, just different.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

It is very hard to lose a parent. No one understands this until it happens. When people said to me "he is out of pain" or "he is in heaven", it did not make me feel better. I can tell you I am 11 months into the grief process and it takes a LONG time.....life has changed. Both of our dads were huge presences on this earth. My guess is your dad guided you to the church and to that reading to give you a hug!