A Blind Eye

For the past two nights I have spend my tv time watching the State of the Union and Fox News. Yes, I am a Fox News watcher and do not apologize for it. Anyway, Fox News is not the point, the point is that as I have spent the past two nights watching this Reality and boy is it upsetting. It is very upsetting to see how partisan the country is right now. All so negative! I have to go back to DVR and General Hospital:)

Maybe I was better off not knowing what was REALLY going on!LOL!

Struggling...

I am really having a tough time these days. I feel like I am slowly drowning and that is not a good feeling. The problem at hand is my VERY poor time management skills and inability to prioritize. See, I want to do it all! I never want to say NO. Sometimes for fear I'll miss something good and sometimes just because it looks better than what I should be doing:) I say that I am over-committed, but really I am not, I am just a bad time manager.

Being a poor(very poor) time manager would not be an issue if I was easy-going and was not married with three monsters. Because the thing about monsters is that they need a schedule, they want a schedule. Here we have a VERY loose schedule. No set time to rise, no set time for homework or dinner. I do try to keep a bedtime routine, but lately that has not been great either.

I am not sure if my time management issue stem from laziness or a need to not conform, although I suspect a bit of both. What I do know is that a change is needed. Whether it be a change to complete non-conformity(haha! unlikely given the monsters are not home schooled and we live in an urban setting:) or finding some kind of schedule and sticking to it! This is not the first time I am trying this. Last year my mother came to help me after I had surgery. While she was here she put together a GREAT and very manageable schedule for me. It last about 3 days after she left.

I see now that to do all I WANT to do, I need to have a plan. A plan to manage my time! A plan to get all my NEED TOS done so I can fit all my WANT TOS in. Because I believe I have the time to do it all, so long as I do it efficiently.

Wish me luck! Tomorrow is new day with a new way!

For Me!

Remember how I said I was going to do for me, well today I did. Today I sat down and had lunch with two of my favorite ladies(and their rotten kids;-) It was so nice to just sit, talk and listen. It also helped to have the BEST waitress ever!

Friends are good! I am glad to have some:)

Time for Change...

This year I would like to make some changes, changes that to many will look selfish. I have decided that I am going to start putting ME first. For the past 19 years Ben has been asking me why I find it so hard to say NO to other people( he will also add that saying NO to him comes easy;-), but it is true. I will go out of my way to say YES and do for others even when it puts pressure on me. Even when it is something I do want to do, I say yes. Not anymore! NOPE, I am not doing things unless I want to. Unless it is something that I am willing to give-up my time for.

So, be ready. There will be alot of NO's coming from me!

Observations

With the devastation in Hatti and other struggles some many of my family and friends are facing, I have been reluctant to write this blog, but now I am. I am writing it because this is my spot to let-it-out! My spot to whine and cry and bitch all I want. A place that I can be self-centered. So, off I go.

My week sucked! I was so anxious that I made myself physically ill. I was busy and Ben was traveling. The monsters have not been at their best and plenty of people have offered their parenting advice. Any parent out there knows how great it is to get parenting advice when your kids are being awful and making you feel like the most useless, incompetent parent ever!

Needless to say, I was very happy for Friday to come, Ben to be home and have a three day weekend. Ben came home more helpful and supportive than he has been is awhile which I guess is the nice part of being together for almost 20 years, he knows when it is time to step-up:)

The panic attacks are slowing and I am starting to feel calmer and thanks to my wonderful sister and my husband. I will continue to work through all that is running through my mind, but hopefully at a slower pace:)

And next week will be better.

Just Shut Up!

You know the saying "think before you speak"? Well, why is there not one that says "When you are speaking and the little voice inside your head says, STOP SAYING THIS, Listen"? I need that to be a saying that I live by. Today, like so many days in my life I found myself talking and talking about things that should never have been heard beyond my own mind. This started at about 8:30 this morning and continued throughout the entire day until I managed to totally and completely embarrass myself by 4pm.

The most disturbing part of this experience is that when I was telling the husband what I had done and he was not at all surprised. Seems he has witnessed this awesome skill of mine:) I am starting to have a better understanding of why he tells me not to speak when we met famous/important people such as the President of the United States. I used to think he was just afraid I would embarrass him, but no, I was going to embarrass myself and maybe take him with me:)

In light of today's events, I will try to keep a low profile for the rest of the week and hope that something bigger and better will occur tomorrow to make my mishaps of today be forgotten.