To Be A Nobody...

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
- Emily Dickinson

This has always been my favorite poem and Dickinson my favorite poet and today, I wished to be a nobody.

I have had a few blah days that socially have been disastrous. Normally I am fine in social situations, but today I was not even able to carry on a normal(and I use that term loosely on myself:) conversation with my mother or sister. There are uncomfortable pauses and me talking out of place. Going out has been a nightmare! Today, after an awkward lunch at Carlos where I knew everyone, I ran into some acquaintances at Target and had to start the conversation off with," please forgive me, I am having really bizarre social issues the past few days". To which of course, they laughed their asses-off and insisted I recap all the goofy things I have done the past few days. They laughed, I laughed too being thankful to share all the ridiculous ways I had made an ass of myself. They shared too, embarrassing social situations of their own and I felt better for awhile.

I get into funks in the winter and no matter how much preparation I do, I always end up this way. The topper this year has been Husband's new gig at work. He leaves too early and gets in too late and I am having trouble adjusting to the new times. Because while I claim to DETEST schedules, I live for routine:) And now it will take me a month or so to adjust and just as I do, it will change again! Hopefully by that time I will have more daylight hours! A friend on facebook has started a countdown to Spring for us, and I love her for it- Not too much longer and my FUNK will be gone and I will smile again:) The social awkwardness however will come and go periodically as it always has.