Sleep Or Lack Of It.

I am not the best sleeper in the world. I have trouble falling asleep, I sleep with the tv on and all the other things that do not promote healthy sleep habits. Anyway, I never sleep when I am away from my own bed, well not until last week. Last week while we were in Florida I slept wonderfully. I'm talking 8-11 hours every night. And it was good sleep. This was good! It made my trip much more enjoyable for everyone. Because I slept I was calm and patient and happy to spend time with my family ( ya know how sometimes with so many people with so many personalities, it isn't always smooth sailing:). I had fun and I slept.

Since Saturday night, when we got home, I have not slept well. Now, I am sick but this inability to sleep is starting to make me insane. As I sit typing this all I am thinking about are the hours of sleep that I am not going to have, again tonight since I have to get up at 730 to get the monsters off to school. Last night I thought my sleep troubles stemmed from vegging all day Sunday, but today I got up with the monsters after only 3 hrs of sleep, and feeling awful I moved all day. Errands, cleaning, cooking, parenting, lots of stuff! Still I cannot sleep. I have fallen asleep for a total of about 30 mins. I am tired. I feel awful. I want to sleep. My cough hurts. I have to sit up because laying down makes the coughing sooooo bad. My back, ribs and stomach hurt sooooo badly from the coughing I have thought about heading to the ER several times tonight. When I did finally fall asleep around 130, Maggie showed up crying and it took me 2 hrs to get her back down. She is 5 1/2, I should not have to get up with her every night!!!!

Here I now sit at 4 am, panicking about the lack of sleep I am going to get knowing that the alarm will go off at 730 and I have appointments all morning and cannot go back to bed after dropping the monsters at school. This is crazy! The more I stress the less likely sleep is to come, yet worrying about my lack of sleep seems to me the only thought my mind will entertain!

This Time I Will Complete & Publish This Post!

Vacation was better than I had expected. It was great to spend Thanksgiving with my family. The weather was warm & sunny in Florida so we were able to enjoy the awesome pirate themed pools. We enjoyed Dumbo rides and princess dinners in Disney and despite a LONG, SOAKING rain, Sea World was great too. The Shamu Christmas Show was so great!

What is not so great is the cold I brought home with me. I went to Florida just having fought-off one cold and left with another and this one seems worse. The cough is that awful, deep, hurts-do-do-it cough and it brought a runny nose and fever with it:( Maggie & Declan seem to be trying to fight this one off too! I hope they can and I hope I can make it run it's course quickly.

We are getting into Birthday and Christmas mode here, with birthdays this month for both Ben and Killi and even though their birthdays are almost 2 weeks apart, they will be celebrating on the same day, but not together. Ben & Declan will head out to Heinz Field to see the Steelers & Killi has invited the family to join her for a Pony Party and of course it comes together all on the same day. That's okay though, we will have LOTS of cakes and birthday dinners together:)

Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for this year that I am not sure where to start. I guess I will start with my husband and monsters. I am so incredibly grateful to have a husband that loves and respects me and monsters that do the same. I am thankful for their health and for all the comforts we have in our lives. I am thankful that my father continues to successfully battle lung cancer. I am thankful for my brother and sister and their families. Thankful for my parents love and support. I am also thankful for my in-laws, that they are so much a part of our lives. I am thankful that my SIL, after a year of health scares and struggles is with us and healthy.

I am thankful for the friends that I have that everyday help and support me, without them I would find it hard to be thankful for anything sometimes:) I am thankful for all of the new friends that have entered my life this year and thankful for the strenghth to walk away from toxic situations.

I am thankful for all of the opportunities I have been given and the ability to experience them. To free speech and free choice, I am thankful for all those who make it possible.

Happy Thanksgiving to All!!!!

Not The Post I Had Planned.

I have started this post several times today and each time something interrupted me. The monsters, the phone, housework just stuff, normal everyday stuff. I wanted to post about my bitchy-PMSing annoyances with the world. How nobody understands how "hard" my life is and nobody could possibly understand me. Then, my phone rang and on the other end were those people who don't know me, you remember the same ones that could not possibly understand or relate to me. Along with the phone calls came texts and instant messages from some more of those people that don't know or understand me. I wish I could say that these calls were all just to remind me how wonderful I am and how lucky I am to have good friends here and that everyone understands how "hard" my life really is, but I cannot. The calls, texts and instant messages were all to tell me that a dear book club buddy of mine need my thoughts and prayers.

My friend Vicky and her family are dealing with some serious complications with the newest member of their family, who yesterday made an emergency entrance into this world. Upon hearing this news I was immediately brought back from my bithcy-PMSing state and into reality, where I was reminded that people not always agreeing with you does not mean they do not love you or are not your friends, people questioning how/why you do things, does not mean they think you are stupid or wrong. All this means is that you are connected to people, they are part of your life, and that they care enough to understand why/what makes your life so hard so that they can understand you and my life really is GOOD.

Now, at I sit here at 2am wondering how/why I wasted anytime wallowing in self-pity when there are people in my life, people that I call friends, that really do need my thoughts right now. So Lisa, Maureen, Sarah & even Laura, thank you for being in my life and understanding me. You reminded me that I am not alone and at the same time reminded me that their are people who could use my focus. Here's to stepping outside yourself and into the world!!!!

And, if you have read this far into the post and have some good thoughts and prayers you could send to my friend Vicky and her family, I would not mind at all :)

Yes, I know my life's awesome, but now I want to whine.

More than anything I just want to curl up in bed and stay there for days, maybe weeks. I am tired. I am so over this virus/cold. I am not near ready for the upcoming holidays. Oh how I want my bed!

My husband and kids have had about enough of this whining. They are ready for the house work to resume, dinners to be back on the table and for me to be semi-interested on something/someone other than myself; I'm not.

I have been cold for days! I want the 100 degree summer days back. I want the days of sleeping until 10am, packing lunch and heading to the pool back. I want to be warm!

My ear hurts. My nose is stuffy. I am cold. I am not ready for the holidays.

I want my bed. Maybe I want dinner. Hummm...dinner in bed????

An Unexpectedly Wonderful Day!

We live about 3 hours away from the college my husband attended and for the past 3 football seasons, we have talked about riding out to see a game and finally We Did It!!! With Football over for Declan and no CCD this weekend, Ben and I decided to check the Wesley College Football Schedule for today. What we found was a home game! We started watching the weather and making plans to head to Dover, DE for the day to watch some football and stroll through the campus. By Wednesday the kids were getting excited for this adventure, especially Declan. Every person he spoke to this week heard about his impending trip to see the Wesley Wolverines!

Then all at once I lost my voice, ran a fever and was just sick! Thursday came and went with me whining and feeling worse by the hour. By Friday morning I began preparing the monsters for the possibility of canning the game; there was lots of disappointment and a few tears.

I did not sleep well last night; stuffy, fever, coughing...yuck! When I fell asleep at 4am, I knew there was no way I was getting out of bed, packing lunches and heading to Dover. Then at 7am, Maggie woke me up and I felt slightly better than I had when I went to sleep, so I got up, showered and packed lunches and everyone else followed. At 10am we were on our way to Dover! I was not expecting much from the day. Basically I was hoping to grin and bear it, boy was I wrong! It turned out to be an Unexpectedly Wonderful Day!

The ride to Dover was pleasant. The weather for the game was beautiful. The Wesley Wolverines were awesome to watch and the kids were well behaved. We watched the first half of the game and with Wesley ahead by ALOT, we decided to leave and walk the kids through the campus. They enjoyed it and I got some GREAT pictures of them.

After finishing up on campus, Ben and I decided that we would drive through Dover to see what has changed and then it happened, there was a sign that said "To Beaches". Of course that led to my normal response of "I want to go to the beach" which was quickly followed by Ben's unusual response of "okay, let's go" and off we drove the 45mins from Dover to Rehobeth Beach. We made it to the beach with just enough time to put our toes in the sand before the sunset.

We ended up spending about 30 mins on the beach playing, taking pictures and watching the waves. It was so great! The monsters did not fight while we were on the sand(or I go deaf when I hit the sand) and the world was just good.

It was getting late and everyone was getting hungry and tired so we hit a nice local pub for some dinner, where the food was inhaled by all, ya know how that fresh-air makes you tired and hungry. After dinner we grabbed some ice cream and out of town. And even though the ride from the beach added about an hour to our trip, no one complained. And even though I was starting to feel pretty crummy & tired, I just smiled. And even though my husband had already driven 4 hours and was looking at another 3+ to get home, he was happy. That is what this wonderful day gave us, time together enjoying each other.

I am so happy that the day worked out as it did because most days don't. Most days don't end with everyone happy, having enjoyed the company of their family ALL DAY! Today was an Unexpectedly Wonderful Day, that if planned would never had the same great outcome.

Blogging Because I Cannot Talk.

It has been roughly 60 hours that I have been without a voice. Life is much quieter, much different. I am feeling pretty crummy, sore throat, cough, BAD wheezing, achy and a fever to accompany my loss of voice. Now, normally when I am sick, I enjoy whining to my family and having them take care of me, but with limited communication options, I have not been able to do this.

I find that I am doing alot of snapping to gain the attention of those I want/need. Lucky for the monsters, Ben has been home since I lost my voice so he has been available to do the yelling for me:) Still it is very frustrating, not being able to talk. Especially since I have so much on my mind.

Stepford, where we currently reside, is a society of "civil anarchy" and my patience has just about run out. With no leader and even fewer followers, this place is crazy! I wish I could sneak in and re-wire some of these folks:) Maybe someday I will make it out of here and into a beach house, I'll keep dreaming:)

We have a family vacation planned in a few weeks with my parents, sister, brother and their families. I am excited, but anxious too. I just want to relax and enjoy the vacation, but I am worried that it will be so hard to relax with so many people to consider. I also know that if I just set out my plans and expectations before hand, everyone will be fine with it and it will be good. Where it goes wrong is when I make plans and then all at once decide they are not working for me so I throw a fit and upset everyone:) I am going to try and not do that:)

OMG!!!I WANT my voice back!

Therapy...again:)

Last week I began seeing a therapist, again. Unlike other times I have gone, there was nothing that drove me into therapy, infact it is quite the opposite. I feel like I am in a really good place. Things at home are humming along, my father's cancer is being fought, my brother, brothers-in-laws and sisters-in-law are all living life without much excitement and all that is really good for me, for us. Last year was a tough one for our family, lots of uncertainty which translates to lots of stress for me. Now, life seems calmer, quieter.

It seemed logical for me to start looking for a new therapist, with life calm and manageable:) Yes, I know it sounds funny that I would look now for therapy as I claim my life to be "good", but I do think it is the perfect time. It is the perfect time because I feel that I am finally in a place to learn some stress management techniques and use them:) What I hope is that I will gain a better understanding of myself and find ways to mange my stress and avoid he triggers that I can. In the end, I am hope that this will make me a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt and friend and if not, maybe it just helps me not stress about being a shitty one:)

I am open and excited to see what this new adventure brings!