1 am

It is 1 and I am up! I should be asleep, but I am not. There is no reason and I am not doing anything even remotely productive. I am watching a show about The Seven Deadly Sins, which I have to say is not encouraging me to believe in the Catholicism that I am trying so hard to find my way back to. I am on my second episode now, the first was on Lust, this one Envy. What I am learning is that there is absolutely NO religious basis for these things to be sins, they were created as such by society. Now, I am not saying their is anything wrong with society having moral standards, but boy is it a cop-out to stand behind religion. Anyway, I digress into babble so I should sign-off. I took some meds and hopefully they will kick in soon and I will make it to bed soon, otherwise you will hear from me again tonight, unfortunately:)

God, I Hate Winter

Although the weather has not been bad here the past two days, two days does not make up for the cold,rainy days there have been. I know that there are many out there that don't believe that S.A.D.(Seasonal affective disorder) Is a REAL thing, it is and I am a sufferer!

Every Fall, I think I will be able to make it through the winter without feeling blue, but a few weeks of the cold, gray days and I am right back to it! Tired, grouchy, sluggish and wishing I could stay in until Spring! Wait, maybe it is not S.A.D., maybe I am just meant to hibernate:) Perhaps I could arrange that with my family, I go to bed the Friday after Thanksgiving and get up Easter Sunday(or on my Birthday, whichever comes first:)

I'll let you know how that conversation goes!

And to All, I wish you a Happy and Safe New Year!

A New Year

My resolutions for last year did NOT pan-out at all, so this year I am just not making any:) and here's why, why I commit to doing something, I really want to accomplish it and when I don't i just feel bad about myself. Sure, if I had devoted more time and effort into last years resolutions, I could have done it, but I didn't.

What I did accomplish in the last year was finishing my college degree and starting my masters, got two kids settled into a new school, got Maggie almost happy going to preschool and was the best wife and mother I could be. For me that was enough. Sure there was more I hoped to do, but many days life got in the way but it was fun and I wouldn't change any of it.

Now as 2009 approaches, the resolution I will make is to enjoy the New Year!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

My Ass! The song should sing, It's the most Stressful time of the year! In the past week, one friend of mine was diagnosed with migraines another was in the hospital for chest pains. I cannot sleep and Becca's not sleeping much better, we are thinking of getting some walkie-talkies to entertain ourselves at night:) My mother is depressed. My sister too(although her's has more to due with pictures from the past).

All I know is that while it is a wonderful time of the year, it is also very stressful.

Winter, Church and Other Odds-N-Ends...

It has been about six months since we started attending church and the kids started RE, and I have to admit that I am finding myself moving further away from Catholicism than towards it. In fairness to the Catholic church, it is not them, but Christianity in general. As I sit at mass and listen to the sermons, I find myself back at square one questioning how insane it all is, not to mention abit cultish. By the end of mass, all I can think about is who is this different from other religions and what makes this one right. Why are Christians right and not Jews or Muslims, Hindus or Buddhists? What makes Christians any less insane than the people in Waco,TX or those other people that killed themselves over the comet in CA? Now, I know there are plenty of people out there that would think my questions are insane and maybe they are, but I cannot blindly follow a religion. I do not have the "faith" like others do. I need to see something to believe. Really, there is no other area of life that we ask people to just "blindly" follow and they are thought to be sane- Why then religion?

I could continue all day on this topic, but I won't I will move onto my winter depression. I hate the nasty gray sky of winter we have here. It makes me sad and depressed and not want to leave my house! And sure I suffer from depression in the summer too, but not like the winter! It is awful and January and February are the worst.If I could just find a way to move the sun inside, I'd be great.

I have almost everything ready for the holidays and I am happy to be visiting family and to have a week at home with the kids. I hope we get alot of vegging in and maybe a few trips to area sites, with the kids in school we don't get downtown much:( And downtown DC in the summer is hot and crowded so, we don't go then either:)

A Change of Plans

I am finding that no matter how well I plan my day out, it all falls apart when the monsters get home from school. After picking them up from school, we walk in the door around 4pm, bedtime starts at 7(Maggie), 7:30(Killi)& 8(Declan). During those 3/4 hours Homework needs to get done, dinner needs to be cooked,eaten &cleaned up, showers taken, clothes laid out, lunches made and a bedtime story or two(when we can fit it in). I have been falling short here so I have decided that I am dedicating ALL of that time(from 4-7)to my monsters. I will not be answering the phone or checking email, watching tv or my homework, I am going to do homework and have dinner and play and read and anything else we have time for.

I know that this is something I should have been doing for a long time, but I am alittle slow sometimes and just figured it out:) I am hopeful this time(and my undivided attention:) will end some of the fighting and crying and yelling we have been have here during that time.

This time has always been my most difficult as a mother, I am tired, they're tired, but I think this might make it better. I know it isn't going to be perfect, but hopefully a start.

So, if you need to get in-touch with me, you'll need to do it before 3:15 or after 7.

Quick Update-

I went to the doctor this afternoon and I have a "new" but not as bad(so far) bug as the last one. I was given another drug that is said to kill EVERYTHING and I hope that is true. I don't feel near as bad as I did a few weeks ago, I am mostly tired and run down. The new drugs are were very expensive, we were out 35.00 for 7 pills and the insurance company shelled out an additional 250.00, for that price it better be a wonder drug:)

There is alot to get done here this weekend, but I hope my family remains understanding about how much I can do. So far they've been great!

Not Again!

I know you're not going to believe me and I can hardly bring myself to write it but I am on my way back to the doctor this afternoon. I have a new cough, a runny nose and a gooey eye(that was crusted over this morning). I am not sure how to take this latest illness, mostly I want to cry, I haven't yet but only because of the headache I know I will get from it.

I am hopeful that the doctor will help me and that I will be on the mend for the weekend. We need a Christmas Tree tomorrow and Sunday is Husband's birthday. I a sure the last thing he wants as a gift is to get sick or to have to take care of his wife:)

So, I will go to the doctor and I will be well in no time!

Tired

Did I ever have a bad night's sleep last night. It was full of tossing and turning and crazy, crazy dreams. If I wasn't so embarrassed by the dreams, I would share them with you for a much deserved laugh:) I did finally fall asleep around 3am and Maggie kindly woke me up at 7am. Right now I am tired, I know the day will be long as the monsters have CCD this evening. The only positive I have going for me is leftovers for dinner:) I also have little on my HAVE-TO list,there is alot on my WANT-TO list, but that can always wait:)

Decisions

I think that people often act before thinking their decisions through. Most times the plans we make in our heads, do not play out that way in real life. When we are just "thinking" things through, it is easy to forget about the little details of life. The problem with that is that REAL LIFE is always there in the end!

So, maybe people should "think" before they say or do things. Really think about how your decision is going to affect you and everyone else. And not just on an immediate level, but long term. You might be surprised how powerful your decision will be to your friends and/or family.

How Am I? Thanks For Asking...

It's been a week and I will tell you, I got better, but it didn't last long! The cough lessened for a few days; now, it is back and I have lots to cough up. I also have something swollen on the side of my neck and my ear hurts. I am very tired and have had a headache for two days. I wonder if there is any chance of me EVER getting healthy before spring!

I guess when I get home, I will head back to the doctor and see what they can come up with next. I am just getting a bit tired of never playing at 100%. Believe me, I know there are many people that live everyday much worse off then me,and I am thankful not to be sick with anything serious, I am just sick of the not feeling well, because I know how good it feels when I am healthy:) I want that back!

Pneumonia!

All my coughing this week has apparently been caused to pneumonia. The doctor called today to confirm it. I knew it was either bronchitis or pneumonia, but I was hoping that I had eluded the pneumonia this time as it is so early in the cold/flu season, but no luck! I am starting to feel better though, now it is just the coughing! It is making my stomach and chest hurt sooooo bad!

When I get back from vacation, I will have some more tests run to see why I keep getting pneumonia and see what I can do not to keep getting it. I have been lucky though, I have been able to recover from it with little to no complications so, no reason to complain too much. I have also managed not to infect the rest of my family with it. They will get the cold, but they all fight it off quickly and for that I am thankful. Maybe after this I can stay healthy for alittle while anyway. All I want is 3 weekends of good health:) That would be a great start.

NO! I Can't Say It.

The in ability to say no. That is my number one problem in life. I want to help everyone all the time. But what happens is that my projects all suffer. I always put my homework off or laundry or dinner to say SURE when a friend needs help. That is usually fine except when I run out of hours in the day and I have no time left for my stuff! How do you balance helping out with your own needs?

Another Thing That Pisses Me Off!

Okay People, I am going to share my vast knowledge on "people skills" with all of you- When someone is volunteering and you are befitting from their volunteering, don't talk shit about them behind their back! Or, another thought, DO IT YOUR FUCKING SELF!

DONE!

You know how good it feels when you accomplish a task you set out to do, that is the feeling I am having right this very moment! A task years in the making- Done, off my list.

On a side note, I decided that triggering my insomnia while my kids are still gremy and we are 10 days away from a family vacation would be fun, so last night I never slept. I did clean the playroom, and do laundry straighten the foyer and do the dishes. I also knocked out a ton of shows on the tivo.

So far this lack of sleep has been productive for me and I got all my chore done this morning just incase I crash this afternoon. I even got dinner made so the family can have a good meal even if I am sobbing in the middle of the kitchen floor:)

Hopefully this bout of insomnia is short lived and I don't get sick from the monsters, but for now I will us my new found energy to work,work,work!

This Is Me, Alittle Anyway

There are many things I'd like to share on my blog, but for my family's sake I do not. The problem with that is that sometimes I need to get things out and this is where I like to share. So, without saying too much, I have been struggling the past few days. My sleep pattern is all messed up, I am a little on edge and well it is spilling over into my family life now. I have been somewhat inconsistent in my parenting and I am sure my husband has no clue what my reaction to anything is going to be. My eye is twitching and I my fuse is short. I am eating alot(and not because I am hungry) and drinking more coke than any human being should is a life time. Within a few days this will pass, it always does and things will be back to normal(as if that exists). And in a bit over a week I will be hanging out in one of my favorite places in the world with my family, all of it(oh, maybe that explains the twitching:)It should be quiet and peaceful in the Outter Banks and I should have some time to relax and sleep, read books and play in the sand. There is little I enjoy more than the beach in the winter, maybe the beach in the summer!

I guess I will go and get some house work done, I have a bathroom with my name on it:) I can also switch the laundry and start another load, this way when I am exhausted tomorrow, I can go back to bed after the monster head to school.

How far I have come in my life learning to deal with my issues, it has taken a long time, but now I try to go with the flow. Work with my body and do my best to move forward day-to-day without falling apart. Not worrying about only sleeping 2-3 hours a night, it is okay, I know I will sleep in a few days when I need to. Right now I have good stuff to fill my extra hours, cleaning, school work, dished, making lunches- I do often complain about wanting more hours in the day, now I have them:)

Resolutions!

It is the middle of November and I am happy to say that I have not come close to accomplishing ANY of the New Year's Resolution I made in January. I have not gotten myself into a job or into shape. My family spending has gone up this past year not down and we have not been spending enough "good" time together as a family. I guess the moral of this story is not to make such unrealistic expectation for myself or my family:) Seriously though, I am really making an effort to get back on track here. Maybe by the New Year I will get started on last years Resolution and I can make this years to continue last years:)

Class

I was just watching television and the news was on and I saw a story that made me once again, so proud to be an American. The story was bout the meeting that the Obamas and the Bushs are having tomorrow at the White House. The news reported that Mrs Bush and Mrs Obama will talk and tour the living quarters of the house while their husbands meet in the Oval Office to discuss the economy and how to make the transition to the new administration as seamless as possible. First, how much grace and dignity do the President and Mrs Bush have for inviting the Obamas so quickly to the White House and the Obamas for coming. It shows me that both families recognize that the office of the President is bigger than any one person and that they both respect that.

Here is the other incredible thing to me about this, not only are we getting a new president in January, but a president from a different party and still things are smooth and peaceful. For all the faults America may have, as a Democracy(yes, I know we are by definition a Republic) what a wonderful example of a free society we are. How incredible lucky we are to have that. I do wish that everyone could experience it at least once in their life.

I love days that make me this proud to be an American. And I am looking forward to watching the transfer of power. It heck it will be nice not to feel like I need to defend the President for the next 4 years since I didn't vote for him:) Really though, I have a open mind and I am looking forward to what will come next. I hope the Changed promised will come and be good.

Home!

School is taking up far more of my "free time" than I thought it was going to. I am not sure why, but it is. Essays and papers every week with projects thrown in for fun. I am enjoying it and I know that in the end I will have a degree(and hopefully a job) in a field I enjoy.

I am still not finding time to fit all I need and especially what I want into each day and week. It seems as the kids grow, my days are getting fuller and fuller. I hope I get into the swing of this parenting thing soon:) I felt like I had just gotten the toddler/preschool thing down- now a change.

I will say this, for the first time since we moved here, 4 years ago, I finally feel like I Live Here. I know people, I carpool, I run into people at the store, almost like being back "home" in NJ(in that I know people, not in the people I know:)

How Do They Do It?

I am a blogger junkie. I love reading about other peoples lives, some that are like mine, some that are very different. Mostly I read about other MOMS and how they get along day in and day out with their little ones. Often I find that someone out there has an answer or solution for whatever I am needing help with that day. When I am at my wits end with a nameless 3 year old, I can often pull up a blog of someone else just-as-spunky 3 year old and I am able to laugh instead of cry:)

Anyway, to the point, on a few blogs that I regularly read, the writers are very religious. Which I completely respect, but do not understand. For instance, the election outcome. Barack Obama won and will be our president for the next 4 years. If you believe that God leads those decisions and has walk President-Elect Obama to that office how can you then believe that God is firmly against abortion? Was God not part of the decision that ruled on Roe v. Wade?

And In California, the push by Mormons to make sure prop 8 won, was that God's will or was it God's will when the Supreme Court approved gay marriage?

I don't think I understand when people throw "god's will" out there. I am not sure if it a lack of faith on my part or that others are just able to interpret/ change God's will to protect/defend their own views on an issue. I'd like to know though. So if there is anyone out there willing to help me understand, I am listening.

Election Day!

Today was Election Day here in Virginia and the rest of the country, and how wonderful it is to be able to go and vote safely and freely for whomever we choose to. It is no secret that I did not vote for Sen. Obama, but I do believe that he is likely to be our next President and I think that is exciting. I am glad that my children enjoy the political process, and that they(on a 7,5&3 year old level)understand how significant it is for Sen. Obama to be running and likely winning the Presidency. We have spend many, many dinners talking about the election and I can tell you that I will be happy to change to another subject:)

I hope everyone voted and enjoy the next 4 years!

Not Fair!!!

I know I have said it before and I know I will say it again, but PMS is really not fair! Alot of times I try looking for ways in which men have something equally un-enjoyable each month, but I never can. I try to spin it in a positive light thinking that I am lucky enough to have been the one to carry our children and that was wonderful, but then I think and what I come up with is that I have given birth to three children and been pregnant for a total of 29 months, I have been suffering with PMS since I was 12, so that is 252 months(give-or-take) of which I was pregnant for less than 30, let's even say that I missed a few times and call it 200 months, still is seem unevenly unfair. Not to mention that being pregnant certainly does not eliminate PMS, if fact at times through it, I'd say it is worse!

Forgive me or the rant(PMS). It's just that sometimes being the stronger sex, just no fun-

I Admit It

I am really not a very good time-manager:) Yes, after trying to pretend for awhile that I am, I am admitting defeat. On a day-to-day basis I am fine, but boy do I not work well under pressure. That may be an understatement, because under pressure I just freeze. I can get nothing at all done. I guess I will not be running for president anytime soon:)

No big deal though, everything gets done that needs too, so what if it takes alittle while. I am working on refocusing my life(again) and remember that there are lots of things that CAN wait until tomorrow if there is something "better" to do. A book with a kid, cuddles on the couch, trip to the park, fun with friends and thing big or small, just more fun. You know, work on "Living Like You Are Dying".

I suspect that my "new" look at life has more to do with me looking for excuses to validate my inability to "keep-up" but it is true. I wonder if my kids will care when I am gone if they had to grab their clothes out of the bin instead of getting them from the closet. Or that they ate eggs for dinner instead of some fancy-homemade dinner because we stayed at the pool too late. No, I don't think so. And I want them to know how much I enjoy being their mom and spending time with them. But not just them, I have not been doing a good job with my husband either. Dishes that HAVE to get done before bed instead of a few quite moments to talk, the dishes could wait until morning. Well, whatever the reason, I hope I can keep looks up and remember that tomorrow will be there and so will the dishes-

Bob Barr 2008 — Liberty for America

Bob Barr 2008 — Liberty for America

Divided

I am not very old and have not been around for too many presidential elections, but I can say that this is one for the books. I remember four years ago how divided the country seemed, but that pales in comparison to what I am seeing and experiencing this time. Friends and family that used to be able to discuss and agree-to-disagree have stopped discussing Politics all together and in some cases stopped talking to each other. This election is about more than the two men running for president, it is making people really stop and look at what they believe in. With the economy in its current state, people are really taking note of what is being said and how each candidate's policies will effect them.

Personally, I am ready for it to be over. This weekend I made my decision on how to cast my vote, and in the interest of full disclosure, I will share that I am going to vote for Bob Barr & Wayne Allen Root, the Libertarian Party. I will also be voting that way for the US Senate seat in VA. For Congress I will vote for Rob Whitman, because he has been doing a very good job. So, there you have it, where I stand on the issues and the election.

I hope everyone goes out and votes! And if you are undecided, check these guys out

Venting Again!

Alright, it pisses me off when people have blogs and then bitch when people comment on them in a negative or controversial way. A few tips/choices for you: (a) keep a journal not a blog (b)set your blog to private (c) don't blog about controversial issues. Yes, it is your blog and your right to post what you wish, but if you are going to put it out there, be proud of it and ready to defend it or not care when someone else disagrees publicly with you, even in the comment section of your blog. Just own who and what you are; be proud of it and if you're not, rethink your life and why the comment hurt so much.

Enough, I am done!

An Idea...

This morning my mother suggested to me that I make a list of all the commitments I have and then maybe I can mange it better. Well, I will give it a shot-what do I have to loose?

*U8 coordinator for soccer
*Front Desk volunteer
*pick kids up form school
*get Maggie to and from school M,W,F
*CCD Thursday
*swimming on Sunday
*church Saturday night
*laundry
*classes for me
*normal household chores
*parent 3 chilren
*Assist coaching soccer

Now all I need is a schedule for all of this that helps me be able to do it all, and do it well. If there is a scheduler out there that can help, I am open to help:)

New Look!

I thought it was time for a change and I thought if I started with my blogs, maybe the rest of my life would fall in line too:) It is late and I am still up. I am tired, but not able to sleep. Today was a long tough day, but tomorrow I know will be better.

ANNOYED!

I am a believer in Capitalism. Here is the definition as found in Merriam-Webster : an economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of capital goods, by investments that are determined by private decision, and by prices, production, and the distribution of goods that are determined mainly by competition in a free market. Barack Obama is a Socialist. Here is the definition 1: any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods2 a: a system of society or group living in which there is no private property b: a system or condition of society in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state3: a stage of society in Marxist theory transitional between capitalism and communism and distinguished by unequal distribution of goods and pay according to work done.

That is why I will NEVER vote for him. Thank You Sen. Obama but I am quite capable of deciding how to spend my own money. And No, I do not feel a need to SHARE the money that MY family makes to support those who make less. We have made many, many sacrifices to get where we are. And we already pay too much in taxes. So, to be told that we should "spread the wealth" PISSES ME OFF! If you want more- then go work for it. You need a better job- go to school like we did. Nobody paid for my education, I will be paying for it FOREVER, but that is what I needed to do to have a career I want.

Yes, I know that there are some out there that will read this and think I am an elitist, but then you don't know me. What I am is a hard working lady, with a hard working husband who doesn't feel that I should foot the bill for people because I have worked hard and they haven't!

No Time

Here is where I'm at- I am 33, a wife, mother of a 7, almost 6 and 3 1/2 year old, Master's student, chef, house keeper, driver, PTO volunteer, Classroom volunteer, soccer coordinator; there is more, but you get the point.

As of this moment I have too much on my plate. I am not able to do all I need to or any of what I want too. IF I could make a list of my have-tos and my want-tos, I wonder if I would be better at getting them done.

Another Day!

I am back home after never making it to Graduation and now I am sick. Sick with a cold that seems to be getting worse and worse as the hours pass. Now it is so far, just a cold so it is more annoying than anything else. I hate not being able to breathe out of my nose and the heavy breathing is not at all sexy as it is followed by or in conjunction with nose blowing and sneezing:)

I have still been able to get most of my "work" done today, but those around me have had to suffer through the whining in the process. Yes, I am an awful sicky. Lots of complaining and whining and complaining and whining:) Luckily, husband is used to it after 18 years- and I am happy to say it has not gotten any worse during that time:) The biggest problem here when I am sick is that I like people to take-care of me and husband likes to be left alone when he is sick, so trying to get him to wait on me is tough:) It doesn't matter much because tomorrow it is back to the crazies. Soccer practice on Monday(Damn Coach:) and volunteering in Declan's class, Wednesday is Farm Day, Thursday RE, Friday Front Desk and Tuesday and Thursday I have got to get the laundry done.

I hope this cold moves through FAST!

ROADTRIP!

We are here! Beautiful Hampton, VA! Bec and I drove down with Gray and the girls and Husband will follow with Declan and the in-laws. They have all gathered to witness my College Graduation!

I am so excited that they could all come and share this with me! It has taken many years to get here, but I did it!

Finding Answers

Seems I've been hiding from my blogs lately:) School started up this week so that had been busy, plus all my volunteering at school(no, I still haven't learned to say it:)

In my free time I have been researching my religion. We've been back at church now for about 3 months and it has been good. I am really comfortable there, and I really am enjoying the family-time church gives us. The more time I spend on my journey, the more questions I have. My latest question is this: Why do Christians not celebrate Passover? If Christ was Jewish and the Last Supper a Passover Feast, than why is it not celebrated? I am finding the answers to most of my questions, but as I do I have more to ask. I am enjoying it though. Also, I received Communion at church this weekend for the first time in many, many years. I felt so peaceful afterward. I hope I can continue this journey and find peace and answers along the way.

Things That Piss Me Off...

*people who are rude when you are doing them a favor

*Husbands that go away on business and don't leave the name of their hotel

*Husbands that go away and turn-off their cell phones, after they don't leave the name of their hotel

*PTO's that really have NO intention of being Parent-Teacher Organizations, but rather Private-Tight-lipped-Ogars!

*when my kids don't eat the dinner I make

*Husbands that leave their alarm set for 5am when they are out of town staying in a hotel they never gave you the name of




As you can see, I have been a bit annoyed the past day or so. Nothing major, but sometimes the little things get me HOT! I am not sure I am going to watch the debate tonight, Politics may be what puts me over the edge- round-talkers(which ALL politicians are) piss me off too.

The Debate

So, I watched and what I thought was, boy I wish it was these two running for president. In my earlier post you will see that I did not have very high hopes for Gov. Palin and I thought she did it MUCH better than I thought she was going to. As for Sen. Biden, I will again say, I am a fan, I find him very charming and knowledgeable and I may be the ONLY person that DOESN'T think he talks too much:)

This debate really didn't sway my vote. I am still not sure. I do think this election does come down to fundamental beliefs that people have, and what is most important to you on election day.


My Favorite Part:

When talking about Dafur- Both Gov. Palin and Sen. Biden are supporting a NO FLY ZONE. Um...Because the biggest problem in Darfur is the fly-over bombings? I think NOT!

People

Stereotypes. The interesting thing about them is that they come from somewhere. Yes, they are generalizations on groups of people, but they hold some truth. It is not to say that all people of a group meet that generalization, but the majority do or did. Stereotypes make great punch lines for jokes and easy research for marketing companies, but they also hinder people. They cause people to close doors on potential friends, lovers, schools, political candidates and so much more.

I love stereotypes when they are used well. They can be very helpful, but when it comes to judging individuals, I leave them behind. I wish more people in the world would do the same.



As an aside:

** Don't forget to watch the VP Debate Tonight. I am dying to see the interaction between Biden and Palin. You all know I LOVE JOE BIDEN(sincerely), but I think he needs to walk a line tonight to be knowledgeable yet not condescending(which maybe difficult considering his experience compared to hers:) Not to say I dislike Palin, or would mind her as VP, I am just saying Biden has alot more experience-

Inclusion

One of my only good qualities is my ability to compartmentalize. This is usually a very helpful quality which helps me to both be efficient and multi-task and also keep many acquaintances and few "good" friends. This ability to compartmentalize combined with my amazing ability to remember useless things has gotten me far in life and through tough times. However, today it was brought to my attention that I may be too good at compartmentalizing and that I sometimes take too far, putting everything/people its place in my mind and never moving it. Maybe I should work on this and try alittle inclusion, I will however need to be careful about that, I would not want to include my boyfriend and husband in the same date night:)

MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!!!

Today has been a down day for me. It is too bad because it started out so good, all of my coupon shopping and kid-less hours, but it ended bad! I had a run in with a very nasty, rude, mean bully at parent pick-up today. Then I got home and my roast chicken was bigger than I first thought so I didn't have time to make it. I blew the kids bedtime routine, stressing about the mean bully, the kids fought going to bed until after 10pm. My husband just got home from business and was willing to pass-up a little of the Steelers Game for some sex(and this is a very big deal both him passing up the game and the sex lately:) and what do I do? I lay there sobbing! Yes, sobbing! My poor husband, had no idea what he was in for. He missed the first quarter of the game to hold me while I sobbed! And that is why, for all his faults and mine, we have been together for the past 18 years. No matter what, he is my best friend. And when I really need him too, he steps-up(sometimes a little late:)

So, in return, I sit here now, watching the Steelers Game, yelling at the TV, and caring about as much about the outcome of this as he does my run in with the mean bully!

To The Ill Informed:

Here is what bugs the hell out of me-(well, one of many, many things)anyway, here goes; it drives me crazy when people feel the need to call me Mrs.******. I do not like it. Emily is just fine. I say, oh, please call me Emily. I do not find it disrespectful for my children's friends to call me by my first name. I do not feel as if I lack authority when they do this. Emily is my name. I like it. I am happy to use it. The way in which I carry myself allows me to demand the authority I need to, not the name I am being called. I think it is odd to think that a name is what offers you authority. I can think of a few first names that demand respect- OPRAH, BARACK, not to mention the countless celebrates that are simply know that way CHER, STING, MADONNA, PRINCE-

All I am saying is that I believe that if I would like to be called by my first name, you should respect me enough to do it and second, know that by having my children call you by your last name, they do not automatically respect you or hold you in a place of authority.

Sick!

I am sorry to say, but I have been too ill the past few days to blog about the Debate and the "Bail Out". I have however watched it all and I am more annoyed than ever before with the entire Executive and Legislative Branches of government. Having said that, I am very thankful to live in the United States and have no fear about posting my displeasure. So, I guess for all the craziness going on here, right now- I am sure lucky to be an American. And very, very Proud!

NO!

The inability to say NO. That my friends has become my biggest problem in life. I have gotten myself roped-in-to more SHIT than I can tell you. I need to learn how to say NO. At home I can say NO(Just ask my Husband:) but for other people, I find it hard to say the word.

For The Record!

I would once again like to state that I am absolutely an undecided voter in the up-coming Presidential Election! I am undecided not just between Obama and McCain but also Bob Barr(the libertarian candidate). I spend much of my day talking this out with my family and friends, as I think it is a huge responsibility and I take it very seriously. I am a registered Independent, because I am one, and when deciding who to vote for, I look through as much as I can to find all the answers I can get. I have voted for republicans and democrats and libertarians in the past and I am sure I will in the future. I think it is foolish to think that one party has all the answers, because they don't; just like all Americans do not have the same beliefs. That is why we need elected officials that can work together to do what is best for us. And I realize that what is best for you, may not be what is best for me and that is okay. And that is why we are lucky enough to live in a Democratic Society. I hope that someday everyone experience it. I think it is silly to blindly follow any "Party" and I think that it is unfortunate that people feel threatened when they are asked to explain why they believe what they do. Friends that know me, can attest to the fact that I will take any side of an issue, just to get as much information as I can(right Bec:). I have been swayed and had my opinion changed based on a good debate(I am almost ready to recycle:).

So, to those of you out there that assume I am a Republican, I will tell my husband he will be happy to know I have finally seen the light; and for those that assume I am a Democrat, I will tell Becca she has pulled me to the dark-side:) But if it is okay with the rest of you, I will stay here in the middle and wait and see and continue to collect information, and in the end, I will happily share who I voted for as I always do, I am glad to own my vote!

Abortion, Me and the Government...

Here goes. The following post will be filled with MY views and beliefs on abortion and where I think the government should be on the issue.

My stance on abortion is this; I believe that life begins at conception, and therefore would need a very good reason to have an abortion or I would suffer enormous guilt throughout my life. I have held this opinion since I was 13 and became sexually active, yes 13. From 13 to 25, I had sex many, many times and was "safe" EVERY TIME. Never once did I worry that I would get pregnant, and I was 13! So, I have a hard time comprehending how it can be that anyone could NOT think about unwanted pregnancy before having sex. So, getting pregnant is NEVER an accident in my mind. Because every time you have sex, you risk getting pregnant.

However, I also know many people that have made that choice, and God Bless them. I am not sure I could have done it. Most of them did it for a very good reason and live with the choice everyday. And I am not sure that a teenager or woman in a bad relationship, should be praised for having a baby, she didn't plan. What kind of life with that mother and child have? Sometimes, I think, not having an abortion is the easy way out. You can blame someone else for YOUR choices, a child. A child, That I have seen first hand, suffer because his parents didn't want him, but were told abortion is wrong.

As the mother of two girls, I hope they are as smart as their mother:) and never have an unplanned pregnancy, but if they do, I want THEM to decide(hopefully with family support) what is best for them and that baby.

That brings me to the Government and Abortion. There is no other issue that I am more of a libertarian on(well, maybe seatbelts:) The federal government has NO business in this issue at all ever! It is a personal choice and freedom. What one does with their body is not the government's concern. Whether life begins at conception or viability or birth is open for debate and because of that and the fact that a majority of people cannot agree to an answer, until born a fetus and its rights belong to the woman carrying it. I think Roe v Wade was an awful decision, because I believe it is NOT a Federal Government Issue, not because I am against abortion.

And that is what I would like to hear from other people, WHY are YOU for and against things and candidates, not just mobo-jombo about records and stances. Why do YOU want it? Maybe YOUR reason is more valid than mine or makes sense and could help me decided who to vote for.

What Are Your Thoughts?

I've spent a great deal of my time the past few days reading about the Administration's "bail-out" plan. I am not sure what to think about it. My initial reaction is to HATE it as I am a "small-government" kind of girl, but I do think something needs to be done. People continue to getting laid-off, housing prices continue to fall, the dollar isn't getting and stronger and banks & investment houses keep folding. I think a "bail-out" needs to be made, but I also think someone should have to pay for the mess that has been made. A CEO, a bank owner, a financial adviser; I am not sure who or how, but someone should be held responsible.

I see that Sen Obama supports a "bail-out" of some sort, but is waiting to see the plan and that Sen McCain also agrees that something needs to be done and wants to see the plan. So, neither is jumping on or off this one just yet.

I would like to know how this is going to play-out in my life. If you know, please share with me. I really want to know!

Thanks!

Politics and Movies...

Since it is Sunday, I thought I'd share a lighter-side of my politics-

While watching football this afternoon, I decided that Politics is alot like Movies. How so you ask? Because no matter how bad a movie is Critics always say (fill in something good); and in politics you can always find an Expert that will tell you that(fill in a plan by a candidate)is the right one for the country.

Now, my questions are: Are these Critics and Experts real people? Do they get paid? And if so, can I get that job? I can find something nice to say about anyone or anything:)

John McCain on Abortion...

Just to be clear, Not ALL republicans think that a woman who gets pregnant during a rape, should be forced to carry the baby to term.


Where he Stands

* Pro-life and an advocate for the Rights of Man everywhere. (Feb 2008)
* GovWatch: 1999: Don't force women to have illegal operations. (Feb 2008)
* Abortion issue shows what kind of country we are. (Aug 2007)
* Concerned if women undergo illegal dangerous operations. (May 2007)
* Supports federal funding of embryonic stem cell research. (May 2007)
* Prosecute abortion doctors, not women who get them. (Jan 2000)
* “Family Conference” if daughter wanted an abortion. (Jan 2000)
* Abortion OK if raped; and no testing for rape. (Jan 2000)
* Supports fetal tissue research; against over-intensity. (Jan 2000)
* Overturn Roe v. Wade, but keep incest & rape exceptions. (Jan 2000)
* Support adoption & foster care; work together on abortion. (Oct 1999)
* Wants Roe vs. Wade made irrelevant, but would not repeal it. (Aug 1999)
* Opposes partial-birth abortions & public financing. (Aug 1999)
* Nominate justices based on experience, and values. (Jun 1999)
* Restrict abortions; no partial-birth; no public funding. (Jul 1998)






His Voting Record


* Supports repealing Roe v. Wade. (May 2007)
* Voted YES on defining unborn child as eligible for SCHIP. (Mar 2008)
* Voted YES on barring HHS grants to organizations that perform abortions. (Oct 2007)
* Voted YES on expanding research to more embryonic stem cell lines. (Apr 2007)
* Voted YES on notifying parents of minors who get out-of-state abortions. (Jul 2006)
* Voted NO on $100M to reduce teen pregnancy by education & contraceptives. (Mar 2005)
* Voted YES on criminal penalty for harming unborn fetus during other crime. (Mar 2004)
* Voted YES on banning partial birth abortions except for maternal life. (Mar 2003)
* Voted YES on maintaining ban on Military Base Abortions. (Jun 2000)
* Voted YES on banning partial birth abortions. (Oct 1999)
* Voted YES on banning human cloning. (Feb 1998)
* Rated 0% by NARAL, indicating a pro-life voting record. (Dec 2003)
* Expand embryonic stem cell research. (Jun 2004)
* Rated 75% by the NRLC, indicating a mixed record on abortion. (Dec 2006)
* Prohibit transporting minors across state lines for abortion. (Jan 2008)

I know that there are conservatives that do not believe in abortion under any circumstances and yes, Sarah Palin is one of them, but Johm McCain is not.

More Politics

As we have already determined, I am a Political Junkie, and my blogging friend Casey(check out her blog here) has been kind enough to engage me, I found a cool site today about both Senators Obama and McCain. It measures the truth in what they are saying on the issues and about each other. Check it out here if you have time. It is a quick take on the issues and where each Senator stands.

How Do You Know You're A Dork?

Let me tell you what Husband and I did tonight(after an awesome dinner with the Kelleys) We watched the Virginia Senate Debate between former Governors Gilmore and Warner. I LOVE ELECTION YEARS!!!! I cannot get enough of this "circle-talking". I do wonder how anyone could not love this stuff. They said nothing new, which is usually the case in these debates, but I cannot get enough!

I can totally see how people leave good jobs to go work on campaigns. If I could just trust any politician, I would absolutely volunteer!

The Alleys...

In the comment section in my last post my darling sister brought up the Alleys in Belmar where I spent many a Friday night.

The town that I grew-up in was a small town, at least in the winter(we were a shore town so the Benny's came in the Summer:) where everybody really did know everybody else. Our school held grades K-8 and some of my teachers had been my fathers teachers and the others were his friend. My friends were the children of his friends. My soccer coach was the Principle of the school where I went, it was a small town.

Anyway, on Friday nights, our town would have DANCES(Rec Dances as they were sponsored by the recreation department in town). The dances ran from 7-9pm and after the dance, we would walk to the only pizza place in town(the town is about 2 square miles) Don's Pizza King. It was on Main Street in a square( It was really 2 blocks that were just connected, the street didn't run trough there:) So, we would get our pizza and then head outside to "hang" until it was time to be picked up- usually between 10:30-11:00. Back to the Alleys, they were covered(with tin roofs-think carport:) walkways between a few buildings to take you through the block. Nothing fancy, but on any given Friday night from Sept-May you could find kids in these Alleys stealing a kiss or two hoping that nobody's parents drove by and saw them, because them your parents ould be asking you come Monday why you were kissing so-and-so, and didn't every girl what to have that conversation with her parents:)

I am glad that my darling sister brought up those Alleys, it brought back many, many memories and mostly good ones:) I am also happy that we have no Alleys here for my kids to hang out in:)

I'm In!

I am officially accepted and enrolled in my Master's program. I am so excited and proud of myself. My classes start October 6th! It has been such a long road, but I am here( I just hope the Master's is done faster than the bachelor's) What's more exciting for me is that when I am done with this program, I will be able to get a job doing something I enjoy and that is always helpful:)

Graduation is all set for October 18th and I can't wait. The kids will be there to cheer me on!

Adjusting or Not...

School starting for the kids has been quit an adjustment for me and for them. It starts in the morning having to be somewhere, which is just not a concept that I enjoy. Then, the school day is just not convenient. Not enough time to do somethings, and long for others. Maggie has not started school yet so, I then have to entertain her ALL DAY LONG(please spare the nasty comments, I know I should treasure these moments) I however am looking forward to October when he is in school three mornings a week.

What happens when they get home is even worse! The car ride home is filled with loud children all talking at me at the same time. Each louder and louder so that they can be heard. Needless to say, I have heard nothing. But at least the kids are restrained with seat belts in the car, because once they unbuckle the fun really starts! Racing to the door, pushing into the house then the good stuff, yelling, screaming, hitting and even a few bites this week. I spend the next 2 hours trying to referee these matches while trying to get dinner cooked and homework done, it is a wonder I am not is an institution by the time Husband gets home.

Bedtime used to be good around here and that too has all changed with the start of school. It is a fight with the kids every night to go to sleep, which then makes every morning start the same way!

So, I am looking for ways to channel my inner patience, because I guess my meds don't do that:) However what they are doing is allowing me to write this, with a bit of humor and no tears:)

HUSBAND!

Before I go today, I would like to say :



HAPPY ANNIVERSARY HUSBAND! THANK YOU FOR THE BEST 9 YEARS OF MY LIFE!

A Look Inside...

My blogging buddies seem to have a political & religious theme going and I have to say this has been rather interesting. It is exciting to me to see what makes people tick and their beliefs on politics & religion can sure help with that insight. The other thing I find interesting about people's political views is how different they look to me as an insider looking out. Living in the DC metro area for the past 11 years has made me see things a bit differently than most. Husband worked for a member of Congress for 8 years so I have seen first hand how a bill becomes law, and all the work that it takes to be a member of Congress. Husband also worked at the White House and we were given some great opportunities to go there with our children and to meet the President. Watching the fireworks on the 4th of July from the South Lawn of the White House with your three kids is amazing and really it doesn't matter who the president is at that moment. You are at the White House on the 4th of July watching fireworks, what is more American than that! I gotten to meet people that most of the country sees on TV and seen that they are in-fact people and not just a party. Don't get me wrong, I have my political opinions and vote based on policy not personality(usually:) but it is just a little different when you are standing in line with a Senator and his wife talking about bathrooms in the White House. When work is done here, politics can get left at the office, so when Sen. McCain and Sen. Biden say they are friends, it is not just or show, they may really like eachother. And if you come to town, you could see a Democrat and Republican having dinner and enjoying the company:)

HELP!

Have you ever been overwhelmed to the point of being paralyzed? You have no idea where to start because the list of "TO DO'S" is just too long and the time just too short.

I have a bad habit of over committing, I cannot say no(except to my family:). So, right now on my plate I have 2 finals for school, an accounting project, front desk duty and my mom, sister and niece coming tomorrow. Throw in there grad school, which starts Oct 6, religious education for the kids, which starts Sept 25th, swimming lesson(Sept.21), College Graduation Oct 18, soccer until Nov.1, Declan's b-day(Oct 2), Back to school night next week, a soccer meeting, Husband traveling and taking classes. A birthday party for Declan and Killi and I am just going crazy. And Maggie starts school on the 29th. Too Much To Do! If you have tips to get me started, I'd love them!

A Thought..

I've decided that PMS just isn't fair!

What Happens ...

I know I have mentioned many times that Husband and I have been together for 18 years and married for 9(next week:), but I still want to know is the is a secret to having a long and happy life together and if so what is it? And what I really want to know is what happens to your relationship after your kids grow-up and move out? Does your relationship just grow as your kids do? So, I am just wondering.

Comments...

I was going to just leave a comment to Rebecca's Blog, but I had too much to say on the topic, so I figured I use an entire post for comment. Her post was about the fact that Gov. Palin's 17 year old daughter, Bristol is pregnant and getting married. At issue is that fact that the Palin's are Christan and their values do not condone this type of behavior and there for should we be praising Gov. Palin as a mother and her daughter for her choice to marry at 17 and have the baby. I am going to respond based on my life experiences on this topic.

First, this story, which was never being hidden, just not volunteered, was commented on by Sen. McCain and Gov. Palin because there were many stories on the net suggesting that The Palin's last child was not theirs, but their daughter's, which was false. So, they commented in hopes of letting people know that she is in fact pregnant. I am not sure though why it was necessary to print lies about something so serious.

Second, on the issue of Christian values and pre-marital sex, I think it comes down to a church to church basis. For instance, when husband and I were going to our counseling before we got married, the priest knew that we had been having sex, and that was okay in our church as we were in a committed relationship. I know not all church preach that, but ours did.

Third, on the choice to support her daughter in her choice to have the baby and get married at 17, I think it is good. Good not because it would/or would not be my choice, but because they are standing by there value of life. I am sure they had hope for their daughter not to have gotten pregnant, but she did and what do you do next? The answer to that question is what speaks to the heart of their values. As parents, many of us are faced with choices on how to handle things our children have done that we would have rather they not, but we are their parents and do what is best to support them. I think that the Governor, her daughter and her entire family should not be praised, but left alone to deal with this private family issue. It is not something that makes her unable to be Vice- President.

Last, as for Bristol and the baby's father getting married at 17, I have been with my husband since I was 15, I am 33 now. I could have gotten married at 17 and been okay. I didn't, but at 18 we were living together and have ever since.

We Did It!

This evening, my entire family made it to church! I was so happy to make it. I am happy to say that the kids were fairly well behaved(Declan was perfect, Killi was good and Maggie, well she is 3). I did bring some paper and crayons for Maggie and she was fine. Husband is happy to go to church and doesn't much care which one. I was very happy. I knew all the prayers and the order of mass. Best of all they played my favorite song during Communion. It was not the prettiest Catholic Church I have ever been in, but it was very comfortable. I will officially join the parish next week and sign Declan and Killi up for CCD.

I am glad we went. I felt more comfortable today than I ever did at Husband's church. The only issue I had was that nobody gets dressed for church anymore. I mean really jeans and sweats for church?

Clean Now!

Friday night I had a break down. The state of our foyer put me over the edge, that and no consistent sleep all week. So, my poor husband after working all week had to step-up and clean it Friday night, which was about the last thing he wanted to do right then. That was great! And we got into to such a cleaning mood, that we spent the entire day on Saturday 10:30am to 11pm cleaning the house. Not just cleaning though, emptying closets, throwing out broken toys, dressers cleaned up, lots of paper thrown away. It was alot of work, and still there is more that could be done, but I feel better now:)

It amazes me how we collect that much junk is such a short period of time, it seems we need an over-haul every six months. Am I the only one with this issue? And if I am, tell me what I can to to stop it!

McCain's Pick!

So, Sarah Palin it is. John McCain went outside the party's comfort zone(Hard to believe with McCain, I know:)and pick a young, woman, governor from Alaska. WOW, what a progressive move could it be that the Republican party is not full of only OLD WHITE MEN! I think it is awesome that there is a woman on the ticket for Vice-President and it makes me happy that it is on the Republican Ticket.

I know little about Gov. Palin only what I have read today online. I am interested to see how she is going to be received by the Party and more importantly by women. We as women know, that women are the biggest critics of other women. Will they criticize her for not staying at home, will they praise her for having it all? Will she be accused of using her son's service for political gain? I can't wait to see what happens. It is going to be an exciting few months.

Personally, I think she is a strong, driven woman. A wife and mother like me and if anyone can multi-task it is a wife and mother. I hope she does it and becomes the first female VP of the United States! I guess well, wait and see.

What's in a (Japanese) Name...

It is late, so I put in my name, and WOW was it right on for me:)

My authentic japanese name is 天海 Amami (heavenly ocean) 恵美 Emi (blessed with beauty).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Obama, What a Speech...

First off, I will admit that I am a political junky. Democrat, Republican I don't care, I will sit and listen to what you have to say. I pride myself as being one of the most knowledgeable voters around, and I usually know more about the candidate I am not voting for than the people who are voting for them do.

That said, tonight I sat and watched the entire Obama speech, as I have every speech each night of the DNC. Here is my take on the speech, 1) It was wonderful for my children to see that it really doesn't matter what color your skin is, as an American child you can grow-up to be anything you want to be as long as you work hard 2) There are a huge number of celebrates that are democrats(and free this week:) 3) Gosh, Sen. Obama likes to hear is own voice, because he talked around in circled and never really laid out his plan; he said a lot of nice things(my favorite being his use of a line from The American President, which is on of my favorite movies ever) 4) I am still waiting for his economic plan, because he never did explain how he was paying for all his programs like ending our dependence on foreign oil, affordable college, health care 5) I also want to know how he is going to force insurance companies to lower premiums because last I checked we still lived in a capitalist society. There were a few other issues I had with the content of the speech, but the speech itself was awesome to watch. The crowd and emotion were absolutely amazing and I am sure next week will not be near as exciting, bit I will still watch:)


** As a disclaimer I would like to say that I tend to vote republican(unless Mitt Romney is involved:) But that I always go into an election undecided and truly do watch anything political(watch interactively of course, me yelling at the t.v. both parties:) So you know where I'm coming from, I vote Republican because 1) I believe in small government 2) I am for lower taxes 3) I believe in a strong defense. Areas I disagree are 1) abortion- it should not be a government issue 2) gay marriage- should not be a government issue(although the same rights should apply to gay couples as do straight, i.e. health care) 3) I am for gun control, not against the 2nd amendment, but for control. So, as you can see, I am a libertarian by definition, but they always offer candidates that go too far off the reservation for me, but limited government would make me happy- live and let live I say.

Feeling Better...

I have been on new meds for about a month now and I have to say I feel so much better. I was concerned with the additions I was going to feel loopy or cloudy, but no I feel good. I still suffer from some anxiety, but it isn't as bad. I am also becoming more aware of what triggers my episodes and I am doing better controlling it. I am very conscience of my sleep(and insomnia) as that is one of the biggest triggers for me. I am also learning that it is important for me to take care of myself; otherwise I am no good to anyone else. I cannot help my family and care for them if I am not healthy myself.

All that good stuff said, there are some negative side effects. For instance, much lower sex drive( husband could do without this one:) also weight gain, now this one could be tamed if I would eat better and stop drinking coke:) You know, you can only change so much at a time, right? Maybe once the kids get back to school, I will get back to walking.

Another Shot

I've made the jump. Ben and I talked about it and I am going to join the a church. I am going to go back to the Catholic church because that is where I am most comfortable. It is what is familiar to me. This is not to say that I believe all that is taught by them or agree with their opinions on everything, it is where I have decided to go with my family so that my child can receive a religious education and foundation. I hope that we like the parish and that the priests are kind,open and approachable. I hope that we feel welcome and not out of place. I know the songs will be ones I know and the prayers ones I have learned and that will bring me comfort.

I guess the best I can do is give it a chance and see what happens.

I DID IT!

Graduation is set for October 18. I have worked towards this for 15 years and finally I am doing it. I will be getting my College Degree. And my kids and husband will be there to see it. I also have put in my applications for graduate school. I am proud of myself, it has taken a long, long time but I finished. Well, I am two weeks away.

I hope that my kids see that if you work hard you can do anything, even when life gets in the middle of your best-laid plans.

Sunday...

Another Sunday has come and it appears That I am no closer to going to church as I was last week. I spent a good bit of my free time this week researching churches in the area, but I still haven't found what I am looking for. I did however have one of my biggest questions answered for me. The question was, How is it that Christmas is always on December 25th, but Easter changes every year.

Husband has agreed to take the kids(well, Declan and Killi) to church and Sunday school starting next week. We'll see what happens, he has promised this before.

I'll keep looking.

A New Beginning .

This blog I thought I wanted to start for me. A place to share my thoughts and journeys through life. The changes both good and bad and the way I handle it. Sometimes I struggle with life, and I have good days and bad, and here I am going to share them all(well alot of them anyway:)

I am going through some changes in my life, searching for answers. I am growing as a wife and mother and I am growing spiritual as well. Some of my adventures are funny some sad, but I am putting them out there now. Maybe someone will read it and have some info for me or maybe I will have answers for some else. Most likely I will ramble and few will be able to follow, but it will be a good outlet for me.