So, we are at my parents for the holidays. I am very happy to be here spending the holidays with them, but I will admit that the decision to come was not all made with joy. As most of you know, my father was diagnosed with Lung Cancer a few months ago and it sucks! He has had surgery and will start chemo next Monday. His doctors are very optimistic so I too am trying. But some days are easier than others for me and I am sure for the rest of my family. Nevertheless, we are here for the holidays!
This is also the first year that my mom is celebrating the holidays without a call to NJ to wish either of her parents a Merry Christmas, as we lost my Pop-Pop a few months ago. I think she is happy that we are here and I hope it makes it a bit easier for her. It has been a long time since she spent the holiday with her family, but I still think the first Christmas without a loved one is the hardest.
There was more difficult news from my Brother and his crew over the past few months too! News that has caused changes in their future and wedding plans. It is a good thing the road has been so rocky lately, everyone seems much more willing to go with the flow when changes need to be made;-)
What I am learning from the past few months is that time is not unlimited! No matter how much you try, you can never get more. You need to made the most of it. Everyday and every moment is not going to be a good one, but there is no need to dwell on the bad ones just know that you can make the next one better.
I had been having a really difficult time with that concept the past few months, but I am trying. I am going to work everyday to enjoy the good and move past the bad. I hope that is what I get from this holiday season.
My life is good! My Monsters Rock! My Husband is the Best! And my family and friends bring me joy!
Merry Christmas Everyone and Happy New Year!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Another Bump!
Today I went to the dentist for what was supposed to be a filling, but like EVERYTHING in my life these days, it did not go as planned. I ended up having an emergency root canal! I had an infected tooth that caused an abscess. So, what was to be a 15 min filling, turned into 3 hrs in the chair and more pain now than I had when I walked in! My tooth is throbbing! My ear, face and jaw hurt so bad from the shot of Novocaine and I cannot sleep! I have tried motrin and vicoden and I am still unable to sleep. I have also tried ice! I am tired and in pain!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
A Note To My Friends...
Friends~
Today my family received disappointing news about my dad's cancer. The cancer has advanced further than we/the doctors had thought. With that said, the next few months are likely to be challenging, mostly for my dad, but also for the rest of us that love him. On that note, I would like to ask for your patience. I may be the best person in the world at projecting my anger/stress in completely unrelated places:) Just know that and please try and understand. Let me also tell you all that Maggie is probably going to be able to keep her bottle past our deadline of December 18, since fighting with her over a bottle is NOT what I want to do at my parents over Christmas. So again, I am aware that it needs to go and that she is TOO OLD, but I am NOT having that fight anytime soon.
Other-than-that, I guess all I ask is for good/happy thoughts for my dad and the rest of the family. If you have any advice for my dad or the family, I would love it.
Thanks again! And I love and appreciate all of you!
Today my family received disappointing news about my dad's cancer. The cancer has advanced further than we/the doctors had thought. With that said, the next few months are likely to be challenging, mostly for my dad, but also for the rest of us that love him. On that note, I would like to ask for your patience. I may be the best person in the world at projecting my anger/stress in completely unrelated places:) Just know that and please try and understand. Let me also tell you all that Maggie is probably going to be able to keep her bottle past our deadline of December 18, since fighting with her over a bottle is NOT what I want to do at my parents over Christmas. So again, I am aware that it needs to go and that she is TOO OLD, but I am NOT having that fight anytime soon.
Other-than-that, I guess all I ask is for good/happy thoughts for my dad and the rest of the family. If you have any advice for my dad or the family, I would love it.
Thanks again! And I love and appreciate all of you!
Monday, November 23, 2009
This Is What Scares Me!
It is no secret that I am not a fan of socialized medicine and the past few weeks has done nothing to change my opinion.
I am sure that it was a coincidental that the "big" changes in health care were both for women, but it sure feels like a slap in the face and incredibly sexist. It also seems that it is a rationing of health care and at whose expense? Let me start with this little bit of information from the American Cancer Society, between 1955 and 1992, the cervical cancer death rate declined by 74%. The main reason for this change was the increased use of the Pap test...with that reported, let's cut the need for so many pap tests. Catching cancer after 2/3 years instead of every year will surely not advance the cancer before it is caught. Oh yeah, let's also throw in the fact that women should now wait until they are 21( average age virginity is lost is 16 in the US)to start having pap tests instead of the old, start when you become sexually active. This when we know that atleast 70% of cervical cancer is caused by HPV and sexually transmitted disease. Seems smart to wait. Instead, let's immunize our 9 year old daughters from an STD(a vaccine that is now required in many states)that is seemingly not an issue because they will not be tested until they are 21 or older. Again, I am not sure I understand. No, I do, if we are only going to save a FEW women, is it really cost effective? In my opinion, yes, it is!
I guess what it comes down to for me is who gets to decided who lives and who dies and who decides how many lives make a test cost effective? What is the price of a human life? I am glad that these doctors and researches feel that they have come up with that price.
As I said, I am sure that the change in pap tests and mammograms coming out at nearly the same time was coincidental, but someone should call-up Christina Applegate and let her know that her life is not worth the cost of a mammogram and she is not the only woman under 50 to have been diagnosed with breast cancer thanks to a mammogram. But I guess that is the price of human life a mammogram, a pap test.
I am finding these changes in guidelines hard to swallow. Watching insurance companies make money hand-over-fist and then arbitrarily deciding who deserves to live so that they can make MORE money is annoying and wrong!
Yes, I have heard the argument for mammograms and radiation, but shouldn't a patient be able to weigh that risk, not the insurance company? And I have yet to hear what the negative effects of a pap test is, so if women will go every year starting when they becomes sexually active, who does that hurt? Right, the insurance company that has to pay for it, pay for it with the money you have been paying ALL YEAR!
I am sure it is not ALL about money, but it sure seems like it is. Is this what socialized medicine is going to be like in the US? Because I much prefer my personal doctor deciding what is best for me and not some analysts looking at bottom-lines. I am not a bottom-line, I am a person and if a test can save one person is that not worth the cost? I am just glad that I am not the one trying to put a monetary value on human life!
I am sure that it was a coincidental that the "big" changes in health care were both for women, but it sure feels like a slap in the face and incredibly sexist. It also seems that it is a rationing of health care and at whose expense? Let me start with this little bit of information from the American Cancer Society, between 1955 and 1992, the cervical cancer death rate declined by 74%. The main reason for this change was the increased use of the Pap test...with that reported, let's cut the need for so many pap tests. Catching cancer after 2/3 years instead of every year will surely not advance the cancer before it is caught. Oh yeah, let's also throw in the fact that women should now wait until they are 21( average age virginity is lost is 16 in the US)to start having pap tests instead of the old, start when you become sexually active. This when we know that atleast 70% of cervical cancer is caused by HPV and sexually transmitted disease. Seems smart to wait. Instead, let's immunize our 9 year old daughters from an STD(a vaccine that is now required in many states)that is seemingly not an issue because they will not be tested until they are 21 or older. Again, I am not sure I understand. No, I do, if we are only going to save a FEW women, is it really cost effective? In my opinion, yes, it is!
I guess what it comes down to for me is who gets to decided who lives and who dies and who decides how many lives make a test cost effective? What is the price of a human life? I am glad that these doctors and researches feel that they have come up with that price.
As I said, I am sure that the change in pap tests and mammograms coming out at nearly the same time was coincidental, but someone should call-up Christina Applegate and let her know that her life is not worth the cost of a mammogram and she is not the only woman under 50 to have been diagnosed with breast cancer thanks to a mammogram. But I guess that is the price of human life a mammogram, a pap test.
I am finding these changes in guidelines hard to swallow. Watching insurance companies make money hand-over-fist and then arbitrarily deciding who deserves to live so that they can make MORE money is annoying and wrong!
Yes, I have heard the argument for mammograms and radiation, but shouldn't a patient be able to weigh that risk, not the insurance company? And I have yet to hear what the negative effects of a pap test is, so if women will go every year starting when they becomes sexually active, who does that hurt? Right, the insurance company that has to pay for it, pay for it with the money you have been paying ALL YEAR!
I am sure it is not ALL about money, but it sure seems like it is. Is this what socialized medicine is going to be like in the US? Because I much prefer my personal doctor deciding what is best for me and not some analysts looking at bottom-lines. I am not a bottom-line, I am a person and if a test can save one person is that not worth the cost? I am just glad that I am not the one trying to put a monetary value on human life!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Because I Cannot Sleep
Again tonight I am up! I tried am tired, but sleep is just not happening. I even spent the better part of the day out in the fresh-air and that ALWAYS makes me tired, except for today I guess. I shouldn't say that because I am tired. I just cannot sleep. I have laid in bed for the past 2 hours and have had no luck! Tonight it my be that I am missing not one but both my co-sleepers with Ben and Marg away:)
Tomorrow I should do a small shopping order at the food store, but I am not willing to bet on that:) I am hoping to get to Target for a few "extras" we need to finish the decorations. I would like to sleep in though and with only Declan home with me I should be able to:) Problem is that it is Sunday and I have been so trained to sit and watch the Steelers play that I only have until 1pm to get all my chores done. So, if I sleep until 10:30, how will I get anything done? I guess there is always Monday and if not Monday, Ben is home on Tuesday;-) Boy has he been a model husband the past couple of months!
Tomorrow I should do a small shopping order at the food store, but I am not willing to bet on that:) I am hoping to get to Target for a few "extras" we need to finish the decorations. I would like to sleep in though and with only Declan home with me I should be able to:) Problem is that it is Sunday and I have been so trained to sit and watch the Steelers play that I only have until 1pm to get all my chores done. So, if I sleep until 10:30, how will I get anything done? I guess there is always Monday and if not Monday, Ben is home on Tuesday;-) Boy has he been a model husband the past couple of months!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Phone Call
Today I received a phone call from my insurance company, here is a quick recap:
Me: Hello
INS: Hi, is Emily in?
Me: This is
INS: Hi, Emily this is _________, with your insurance co and we are calling today because we see that you have suffered with depression in the past and we would like to make sure you are getting the most out of your benefits.
Me: umm...okay
INS: Do you mind answering a few questions today
Me: fire away
INS: How would you describe your current mental state?
ME: today or in general?
INS: Well, let's look at the past month or so
Me: okay...Well, about 6 weeks ago my grandfather died, then I got H1N1 which caused pneumonia that I could not get-rid of for 3 weeks. Two weeks ago I flew to FL to be with my dad, who is 56 and had to have surgery for lung cancer and when I got home last week I had an outbreak of shingles in my nose.
INS: WOW, do you have children?
Me: yes, a 4.5 yr old, an almost 7 and an 8 r old.
INS: Well, that is alot to deal with.
Me: Ya think? And oh did I mention that I live in VA so the weather here sucks in the Fall and Winter. It is 70 and sunny one day, then is 50 and rainy for 3 days.
INS: Well, that is something else. I am sure that all of that would test anyone even if you didn't suffer depression.
Me: Ya Think?
INS: do you think you are suicidal?
Me: No
INS: well why?
Me: *sigh* Well, I have 3 small kids
INS: and
Me: Well, they could not possibly live w/o me
INS: really?
Me: No, I am sure they could, but I like to tell myself that:)
INS: So what gets you out of bed in the morning?
Me: did I mention that I have 3 KIDS!
INS: oh, so they wake you?
Me: YEAH! Do you have any other questions?
INS: I think that is all for now. I will have your case manager _______ call you on Monday, what time is good?
Me: Well, the kids are all in school between 9-11 EST, so that is best.
INS: Oh, you have kids? How old are they?
Me: really? look back in your notes, I have to go pick my little one up at preschool.
After I hung up and replayed the conversation in my head, my first thought was that I was being "punked", then I moved on to believe that I would come back home and the men would be there waiting to put me in a "white-coat". I cannot wait for the phone call Monday. I hope it goes just as well:)
Me: Hello
INS: Hi, is Emily in?
Me: This is
INS: Hi, Emily this is _________, with your insurance co and we are calling today because we see that you have suffered with depression in the past and we would like to make sure you are getting the most out of your benefits.
Me: umm...okay
INS: Do you mind answering a few questions today
Me: fire away
INS: How would you describe your current mental state?
ME: today or in general?
INS: Well, let's look at the past month or so
Me: okay...Well, about 6 weeks ago my grandfather died, then I got H1N1 which caused pneumonia that I could not get-rid of for 3 weeks. Two weeks ago I flew to FL to be with my dad, who is 56 and had to have surgery for lung cancer and when I got home last week I had an outbreak of shingles in my nose.
INS: WOW, do you have children?
Me: yes, a 4.5 yr old, an almost 7 and an 8 r old.
INS: Well, that is alot to deal with.
Me: Ya think? And oh did I mention that I live in VA so the weather here sucks in the Fall and Winter. It is 70 and sunny one day, then is 50 and rainy for 3 days.
INS: Well, that is something else. I am sure that all of that would test anyone even if you didn't suffer depression.
Me: Ya Think?
INS: do you think you are suicidal?
Me: No
INS: well why?
Me: *sigh* Well, I have 3 small kids
INS: and
Me: Well, they could not possibly live w/o me
INS: really?
Me: No, I am sure they could, but I like to tell myself that:)
INS: So what gets you out of bed in the morning?
Me: did I mention that I have 3 KIDS!
INS: oh, so they wake you?
Me: YEAH! Do you have any other questions?
INS: I think that is all for now. I will have your case manager _______ call you on Monday, what time is good?
Me: Well, the kids are all in school between 9-11 EST, so that is best.
INS: Oh, you have kids? How old are they?
Me: really? look back in your notes, I have to go pick my little one up at preschool.
After I hung up and replayed the conversation in my head, my first thought was that I was being "punked", then I moved on to believe that I would come back home and the men would be there waiting to put me in a "white-coat". I cannot wait for the phone call Monday. I hope it goes just as well:)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Oh, What to Share.
Do I share the fact that I after having H1N1, pneumonia, sinus infection and then shingles in my nose, I think I am finally on the mend?
Do I share that my two week trip to Florida was not pleasure, but to be with my family while my 56 year old father had surgery for lung cancer?
What about the fact that while I was in Florida I missed the execution of John Muhammad, who completely terrorized my life for weeks while I was pregnant with Killi and who I was not at all sad to see put to death?
How about how I have lost so much respect for the Attorney General of the past few weeks? Lost respect for this man that I have admired for years, who now seems to think that he IS the LAW.
Share that although I have been home for a week now, I still have found NO time to spend with my husband?
None of that. What I will share is that I love my family and I am so happy to have them. Through the good and the bad, I love them and better yet, they love me:) I am trying to remind myself to hug and kiss them all more and cherish every moment with them, because I know that even a Bad Moment together is still together and there are too many people that don't would be so happy with that. With any moment. I am enjoying each and every one!
Do I share that my two week trip to Florida was not pleasure, but to be with my family while my 56 year old father had surgery for lung cancer?
What about the fact that while I was in Florida I missed the execution of John Muhammad, who completely terrorized my life for weeks while I was pregnant with Killi and who I was not at all sad to see put to death?
How about how I have lost so much respect for the Attorney General of the past few weeks? Lost respect for this man that I have admired for years, who now seems to think that he IS the LAW.
Share that although I have been home for a week now, I still have found NO time to spend with my husband?
None of that. What I will share is that I love my family and I am so happy to have them. Through the good and the bad, I love them and better yet, they love me:) I am trying to remind myself to hug and kiss them all more and cherish every moment with them, because I know that even a Bad Moment together is still together and there are too many people that don't would be so happy with that. With any moment. I am enjoying each and every one!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
What A Wild Ride
I'm tired and ready to go home. The last 10 days have been interesting. Last Tuesday, November 3rd, I hopped on a plane with Maggie headed to Florida. My plan was to be there for my father's surgery that was scheduled for the next day. I made the best plans that I could for Ben and the monsters. My in-laws were kind enough to come down and watch the kids so that Ben could work and I could focus on my parents and helping them. Well, that is NOT what happened! At 2pm, on Tuesday, the day before the surgery, the doctor called and postponed the surgery wanting another PET Scan before he went in! That really threw a wrench in my plans! Now I was here, with nothing to do!
A PET Scan was scheduled for Thursday morning. The scan got what it was looking for and surgery was rescheduled for Wednesday, Nov.11th, a week later than original planned and a two days after I was scheduled to be home!
So, I called Ben and we decided that I would extend my stay and we would juggle Declan and Killi for another 4 days. This was NOT an easy decision for me. I have NEVER been away from the kids that long, NEVER! Ben and I have not been apart that long in years! And then, he was always the one traveling. Not to mention that I was still concerned about my dad. I have been edge to say the least:) No need to worry about Ben and teh kids though! They have stepped up and been wonderful! The kids have gone with the flow of different care-givers and Ben has done all the laundry, kept the house clean and gotten the kids off to school everyday! They even managed to take in 2 movies and had a few home-cooked meals. I am so proud of all of them and cannot thank them enough for stepping-up for me. They are the BEST!
Now for my dad. Yesterday, he had surgery as planned to remove a spot from his lung. They did not know for sure until they went-in if it was cancer or if it had spread. Therefore, we would not not what was going to be done until they got-in and looked. At 7:30am my mother and I said good-bye to my dad as he went off to the OR. We went off to the waiting room where we sat for the next 4 hours waiting. Waiting while so many other people came and went. Finally at 11:30, the doctor came out! The spot on his lung was a cancerous tumor so they removed the entire middle-lobe of his lung. This news was both good and bad. It was bad because he lost he lobe and his lungs were in worse shape than thought, so recovery will be a little slower, but good because they are pretty sure that he is cancer-free and will not need and chemo or radiation. He will be in the hospital for the next 7-10 days which seems long, but I guess they know what they are doing:) I have seen him twice since the surgery and he looked pretty good last night. He is on lots of pain pills and oxygen, but he was out of bed and drinking juice! I am glad I was here to see him.
Today, it is time to go home! I have done what I needed to here and now I need my husband and monsters, although having Mag for a week alone has NOT been easy:) Back to being a full-time wife and mother. I am anxious to get home. I miss my life! I feel like things have been on hold for weeks now. Between my dad's surgery and our bout of illness, I am ready for a break!
Next week will be another long week for the fam as we wait for more answers. I am hopeful that next weeks outcome will be as good as this week. Then it will be Thanksgiving with Billy and Kelly! And we will be back in Florida in 6 weeks for Christmas! Busy, Busy, Busy!!!
For now, I am counting down the hours until I get to see my husband and monsters!
A PET Scan was scheduled for Thursday morning. The scan got what it was looking for and surgery was rescheduled for Wednesday, Nov.11th, a week later than original planned and a two days after I was scheduled to be home!
So, I called Ben and we decided that I would extend my stay and we would juggle Declan and Killi for another 4 days. This was NOT an easy decision for me. I have NEVER been away from the kids that long, NEVER! Ben and I have not been apart that long in years! And then, he was always the one traveling. Not to mention that I was still concerned about my dad. I have been edge to say the least:) No need to worry about Ben and teh kids though! They have stepped up and been wonderful! The kids have gone with the flow of different care-givers and Ben has done all the laundry, kept the house clean and gotten the kids off to school everyday! They even managed to take in 2 movies and had a few home-cooked meals. I am so proud of all of them and cannot thank them enough for stepping-up for me. They are the BEST!
Now for my dad. Yesterday, he had surgery as planned to remove a spot from his lung. They did not know for sure until they went-in if it was cancer or if it had spread. Therefore, we would not not what was going to be done until they got-in and looked. At 7:30am my mother and I said good-bye to my dad as he went off to the OR. We went off to the waiting room where we sat for the next 4 hours waiting. Waiting while so many other people came and went. Finally at 11:30, the doctor came out! The spot on his lung was a cancerous tumor so they removed the entire middle-lobe of his lung. This news was both good and bad. It was bad because he lost he lobe and his lungs were in worse shape than thought, so recovery will be a little slower, but good because they are pretty sure that he is cancer-free and will not need and chemo or radiation. He will be in the hospital for the next 7-10 days which seems long, but I guess they know what they are doing:) I have seen him twice since the surgery and he looked pretty good last night. He is on lots of pain pills and oxygen, but he was out of bed and drinking juice! I am glad I was here to see him.
Today, it is time to go home! I have done what I needed to here and now I need my husband and monsters, although having Mag for a week alone has NOT been easy:) Back to being a full-time wife and mother. I am anxious to get home. I miss my life! I feel like things have been on hold for weeks now. Between my dad's surgery and our bout of illness, I am ready for a break!
Next week will be another long week for the fam as we wait for more answers. I am hopeful that next weeks outcome will be as good as this week. Then it will be Thanksgiving with Billy and Kelly! And we will be back in Florida in 6 weeks for Christmas! Busy, Busy, Busy!!!
For now, I am counting down the hours until I get to see my husband and monsters!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Keep Talkin'
I guess I am hoping that if I keep "talking" about the changes I want to make in my life, they will just happen...so far, it is not working:) What I am finding out is that if you don't exercise, you cannot loose weight; if you keep spending money, it is gone; if you keep looking for stress it finds you; if you don't stick to a plan, there isn't one. These are some of the things I keep talking about, but have yet to do. Instead I sit here at almost 3am stressed about all these things that I am doing NOTHING to fix. Just talkin'!
It really has to stop. I really need to make changes in my life. I am juggling too many things to be able to continue on this way. I need more time for school. I need to find time to exercise. I need a budget. I need a routine. The problem is that all I seem to do is talk about it! Doing it is a whole different ball game.
Now, how it make it work? I think I will start by writing down everything I do, eat and spend and from there see what can change. I will try this for a week and then sit and look at where I am and what I can do to get where I want to go.
As I sit writing this, I am already thinking of excuses for why I cannot make these changes. I have been away from home for a week, we have Thanksgiving coming up, doctor's appointments and more. I can find an excuse for ANYTHING! I think that is going to be my biggest challenge, changing my way of thinking. Making a commitment to myself. I know that I will be happier when these changes are made. I know I will have less stress, still I procrastinate and then replay the same stress over and over again which must mean that I don't want these changes that badly or that I need to step-it-up and do it!
I'm going to give it another try because what do I have to loose.
It really has to stop. I really need to make changes in my life. I am juggling too many things to be able to continue on this way. I need more time for school. I need to find time to exercise. I need a budget. I need a routine. The problem is that all I seem to do is talk about it! Doing it is a whole different ball game.
Now, how it make it work? I think I will start by writing down everything I do, eat and spend and from there see what can change. I will try this for a week and then sit and look at where I am and what I can do to get where I want to go.
As I sit writing this, I am already thinking of excuses for why I cannot make these changes. I have been away from home for a week, we have Thanksgiving coming up, doctor's appointments and more. I can find an excuse for ANYTHING! I think that is going to be my biggest challenge, changing my way of thinking. Making a commitment to myself. I know that I will be happier when these changes are made. I know I will have less stress, still I procrastinate and then replay the same stress over and over again which must mean that I don't want these changes that badly or that I need to step-it-up and do it!
I'm going to give it another try because what do I have to loose.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
A Change
Most years I made resolutions only to watch them fall to the side. Either I do not stay committed or cannot find the time, something, any excuse I can find! Well, I have a new one and I need ways to follow through! This one is BIG, and truly life changing. I need to completely re-prioritize my life and I need to stick to it. I need to rid my life of drama and the people that bring that. I need to surround myself with happy, inspirational people. I need to look into myself and see what I really want! What will make me happy.
I am not sure of all the details yet, but I know that change is in the air! If you have any advice to offer, please do...remember though that I don't always listen:)
I am not sure of all the details yet, but I know that change is in the air! If you have any advice to offer, please do...remember though that I don't always listen:)
Monday, October 26, 2009
Small Town Politics!
When I was a kid my mother told my father over and over again that if he ran for a political office she was taking the kids and leaving. It has been a very long time since I first heard her say it and until very recently I thought she was being a psycho, now I know she wasn't! SMALL TOWN POLITICS SUCK!!!
Small town politics suck because unlike national office or even state, in local politics, you are eating where you shit! In STP(small town politics), you have to try so hard to be nice to everyone and let's face it, that is not going to happen. You need to like your neighbor, your mailman, your cashier at McDonald's, the horrible parent down the street whose kid egged your house, the principle of the school who just refused to help you with your kid, the lady in church who always sings sooo loud and off-key and then gives you dirty looks when your kid dare to talk during the mass, you know EVERYONE! So mom, now I get it, STP SUCKS!
What I am finding most annoying about STP, is how two-faced the players are. The lying and sneaking, I now know where all the popular kids from High School ended up:) The people who somehow believe that they deserve more than all the other people who bust their asses helping out!
What I have decided is that make my mom was not the psycho(let me change that...not psycho about this:) Small Town Politics SUCK and I am sooo not cut-out for the ass-kissing needed to play:)
Small town politics suck because unlike national office or even state, in local politics, you are eating where you shit! In STP(small town politics), you have to try so hard to be nice to everyone and let's face it, that is not going to happen. You need to like your neighbor, your mailman, your cashier at McDonald's, the horrible parent down the street whose kid egged your house, the principle of the school who just refused to help you with your kid, the lady in church who always sings sooo loud and off-key and then gives you dirty looks when your kid dare to talk during the mass, you know EVERYONE! So mom, now I get it, STP SUCKS!
What I am finding most annoying about STP, is how two-faced the players are. The lying and sneaking, I now know where all the popular kids from High School ended up:) The people who somehow believe that they deserve more than all the other people who bust their asses helping out!
What I have decided is that make my mom was not the psycho(let me change that...not psycho about this:) Small Town Politics SUCK and I am sooo not cut-out for the ass-kissing needed to play:)
Thursday, October 22, 2009
After Much Thought...
I have gone back-and-forth about writing this post and have decided to go ahead and do so. I am sure there will be plenty of people that disagree with it, but as long as you are thinking, I am happy to have you disagree.
For 10 months now I have been waiting for something positive to come from the Obama Administration and still nothing! Nothing positive that is! What is worse is the piling negatives. To be fair, I will once again remind everyone that I did not vote for Obama, and in the tow previous elections I did vote for Bush(mostly because that administration paid the bills).
On to my issues:
1- the ridiculous fighting with FOX News has got to end! Just because someone disagrees with you does not mean that they are wrong! What makes me really upset about this is the issue of freedom of the press. While FOX may not be reporting the stories in a light that is always positive to Mr. Obama, there is no slander or lies. Seriously, White House, when the rest of your press pool has to side with FOX against you, you have to see that you are crossing the line!
Get over FOX News and start working on moving our country in the right direction! What happened to change? Let's CHANGE the school yard bullying and play ball!
2- Stop talking about Health Care! Just stop! Go back to the drawing table, decided what you want to put out there and do it! If what you are saying is true and health care reform will "save" the United States, then come up with a plan and do it! Stand by your plan! Do not change it weekly, daily based on public opinion, stand by what you believe and do it! If your plan does not pass Congress at least know that it was the plan YOU believed was best for the country! We have a President for a reason, to make the tough decisions, for Christ sake, start asking like the President!
3- While I understand that the taxpayers are waiting to be repaid billions of dollars in bailout money, I think the Obama Administration is walking a very fine line on there involvement in private business. You need to either take over the companies and make them public or back-off! You can not have one foot in the door here!
4- Afghanistan. It is a mess. I do not envy you for having to make the call on this one, but again, JUST MAKE A DECISION! YOU Mr. Obama are the President! The Buck stops with you! The people of this great nation need a leader not someone to read the polls to us every morning and decide our next course of action!
5- People protesting against your ideas/programs does not make them Un-American or racist, it makes them informed, concerned citizens with opinions that differ from yours and that of your administration. Remember that nearly half of all Americans did not vote for you, but you do represent them too and for them to express their concerns is not wrong, it is there right! It is what made America! Free thinkers that allow for the majority to rule. That does not mean that you step away from your beliefs, but peaceful share them!
That's it! Those are my opinions on the first 10months of the Obama Presidency. All those people that criticized, lied, challenged President Bush for 8 years are not enjoying the shoe being on the other foot! Maybe it wasn't as easy as it looked:)
For 10 months now I have been waiting for something positive to come from the Obama Administration and still nothing! Nothing positive that is! What is worse is the piling negatives. To be fair, I will once again remind everyone that I did not vote for Obama, and in the tow previous elections I did vote for Bush(mostly because that administration paid the bills).
On to my issues:
1- the ridiculous fighting with FOX News has got to end! Just because someone disagrees with you does not mean that they are wrong! What makes me really upset about this is the issue of freedom of the press. While FOX may not be reporting the stories in a light that is always positive to Mr. Obama, there is no slander or lies. Seriously, White House, when the rest of your press pool has to side with FOX against you, you have to see that you are crossing the line!
Get over FOX News and start working on moving our country in the right direction! What happened to change? Let's CHANGE the school yard bullying and play ball!
2- Stop talking about Health Care! Just stop! Go back to the drawing table, decided what you want to put out there and do it! If what you are saying is true and health care reform will "save" the United States, then come up with a plan and do it! Stand by your plan! Do not change it weekly, daily based on public opinion, stand by what you believe and do it! If your plan does not pass Congress at least know that it was the plan YOU believed was best for the country! We have a President for a reason, to make the tough decisions, for Christ sake, start asking like the President!
3- While I understand that the taxpayers are waiting to be repaid billions of dollars in bailout money, I think the Obama Administration is walking a very fine line on there involvement in private business. You need to either take over the companies and make them public or back-off! You can not have one foot in the door here!
4- Afghanistan. It is a mess. I do not envy you for having to make the call on this one, but again, JUST MAKE A DECISION! YOU Mr. Obama are the President! The Buck stops with you! The people of this great nation need a leader not someone to read the polls to us every morning and decide our next course of action!
5- People protesting against your ideas/programs does not make them Un-American or racist, it makes them informed, concerned citizens with opinions that differ from yours and that of your administration. Remember that nearly half of all Americans did not vote for you, but you do represent them too and for them to express their concerns is not wrong, it is there right! It is what made America! Free thinkers that allow for the majority to rule. That does not mean that you step away from your beliefs, but peaceful share them!
That's it! Those are my opinions on the first 10months of the Obama Presidency. All those people that criticized, lied, challenged President Bush for 8 years are not enjoying the shoe being on the other foot! Maybe it wasn't as easy as it looked:)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Just Then...
After struggling to find my way with school for the kids, PTO, the house and my Master's, I was getting it together when all at once it stopped! Stopped! Dead!
Last week it all ended. I got sick, followed quickly by Killi and later Maggie. Getting sick and then having sick kids to care for has completely ruined what little routine I had going. I had just gotten Maggie back in school, Killi was getting on a good homework schedule, I was finding time to get my school work and PTO commitments met and all at once it was over. I was diagnosed with pneumonia, most likely from H1N1, and I was forced to close-up shop. I left my house only once from Saturday to Tuesday and that was for a trip to the pediatrician, very dirty I might add. I spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday in bed almost all day. I spent the nights up trying to breath and settle sick monsters. Saturday Declan had some friends over for pizza before going to the movies and honestly, it is a big blur.
Today has been a turning point I think. I woke this morning able to breath and feeling like I just had a cold. Maggie was at about 90% and Killi was about 70%, but everyone was on the mend. We ran some errands and disinfected the house, cooked dinner and worked on some homework with the kids, we are on the mend. I am tired now. Hoping that I did not push myself too much. I feel too tired for homework or even last night's Gossip Girl:) Instead I sit and wonder how long it will take to get back into a routine after 5 days out of one. Seems that for each day out it takes 3 additional to get back in. I guess that means that I should just take it slow and go with the flow. A routine will find itself just like it had before we got sick.
Last week it all ended. I got sick, followed quickly by Killi and later Maggie. Getting sick and then having sick kids to care for has completely ruined what little routine I had going. I had just gotten Maggie back in school, Killi was getting on a good homework schedule, I was finding time to get my school work and PTO commitments met and all at once it was over. I was diagnosed with pneumonia, most likely from H1N1, and I was forced to close-up shop. I left my house only once from Saturday to Tuesday and that was for a trip to the pediatrician, very dirty I might add. I spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday in bed almost all day. I spent the nights up trying to breath and settle sick monsters. Saturday Declan had some friends over for pizza before going to the movies and honestly, it is a big blur.
Today has been a turning point I think. I woke this morning able to breath and feeling like I just had a cold. Maggie was at about 90% and Killi was about 70%, but everyone was on the mend. We ran some errands and disinfected the house, cooked dinner and worked on some homework with the kids, we are on the mend. I am tired now. Hoping that I did not push myself too much. I feel too tired for homework or even last night's Gossip Girl:) Instead I sit and wonder how long it will take to get back into a routine after 5 days out of one. Seems that for each day out it takes 3 additional to get back in. I guess that means that I should just take it slow and go with the flow. A routine will find itself just like it had before we got sick.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Crazy, I know!
While I know that this goes wiothout saying, I am Crazy, and with the recent illness in our house I have been searching for all I can about swine flu and pneumonia(no, we have not tested positive for flu...just crazy)anyway, what I have found is that most of the children dying from swine flu complication are getting Pneumonia and there seems to be a link in the ages of the deaths and the introduction of the Prevnar vaccine. Prevnar was introduced in 2000 and worked into the childhood vaccine schedule, but children born before that did not receive the shot, it was only give to children under 2 and newborns. So, check to see if your children have been vaccinated! They have lots of into on the CDC site about Pneumonia and the vaccine and swine flu deaths.
Please remember that I am crazy, but also thought I would share what I found:)
Please remember that I am crazy, but also thought I would share what I found:)
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Givin' In!!!
I have been fighting it for days and hoping it was just allergies, but now I fear it is not and I have a cold. I feel yucky! I want to stay in bed ALL Day tomorrow! Stupid husband is busy at work tomorrow and cannot stay home to help and Declan has football tomorrow night! It is chilly. I am very on edge. My meds are making me anxious! And oh yeah, I am a BIG BABY when I don't feel well:) I would like my family to be at my beck-n-call, but NO! They would rather continue with their own lives and let me take-care of myself!
I would like a nice warm beach with no one on it! Just me and the waves:)
I would like a nice warm beach with no one on it! Just me and the waves:)
A New Obsession!
Because I am "odd" to say the least, I will share with you my new obsession, nostrils! Have you ever really looked at people's nostrils? Well, I have been and I would like to share with you that they are NEVER the same size and most of the time one side is much bigger than the other! It is very weird. And why is that? You have a perfectly balanced face then...their is a glaring difference in the size and shape of your nostrils, WTF??? I stumbled onto this by chance and now I wish I had not because it is all I can do not to check-out nostrils.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Frustrated!
Frustrated! and that really does not do my feelings right now justice! I am very out-of-sorts right now. There are several issues in my life right now that that are in upheaval and that would be okay if they were all in the same area, i.e. all kid related, all school related, but they are not, they span the entire life!
I will start with the least frustrating and work my way up/down from there. My house is a mess! I have so much laundry, I am a load behind in dishes and we are very unorganized! We had hoped to go camping tomorrow, but I am not sure how that is going to happen without coming back to a disaster zone!
Next, my school has started and I do not have my books yet and I have never felt so stupid in my life! I am not sure how I was accepted into this program! And to piggy-back on the school thing, my student loans are a disaster! It is an insane bureaucracy of government and quasi-government organizations and it makes me wonder if interest rates could be lower on student loans if there were not all these layers of crap! Now, after 2 hours on the phone with 2 different colleges, the dept. of education, and sallie mae too many times to count, I found out I can do nothing until November!
My in-laws suck! This is not a new phenomena, it just now involves their treatment of my children, so now I am pissed-off! Yes, they forgot my son's birthday because the are so "over-whelmed" by their new 4 week old grandson that is living with them! Please understand that my SIL and BIL are also there, and it is one 4 week old baby and only 1 of the adults is working! This behavior is not new for my in-laws, in the past however, my children were not at the center. It was usually them treating me like a piece of shit, which has been going on for 19 years now!
Finally, I had a meeting with the powers-that-be at my kids school. It was about Killi and her "learning issues". I got what I had expected from the meeting, but not what I wanted! It is amazing to me the double-talk that is done when dealing with little children and their education! The out-come is that we will meet again in December and see where we are at. In the meantime, I will continue to explore private options! Thank God my taxes are fairly low, and I am not paying millions for public school education and getting F***ed!
Hopefully I can resolve some of these issues over the weekend and relax and enjoy my family! Ben is off tomorrow and I am sure I will be able to sleep in and wake-up refreshed and with a new outlook on life! Yes friends, I am hoping he reads this and I am just wishing aloud;-)
I will start with the least frustrating and work my way up/down from there. My house is a mess! I have so much laundry, I am a load behind in dishes and we are very unorganized! We had hoped to go camping tomorrow, but I am not sure how that is going to happen without coming back to a disaster zone!
Next, my school has started and I do not have my books yet and I have never felt so stupid in my life! I am not sure how I was accepted into this program! And to piggy-back on the school thing, my student loans are a disaster! It is an insane bureaucracy of government and quasi-government organizations and it makes me wonder if interest rates could be lower on student loans if there were not all these layers of crap! Now, after 2 hours on the phone with 2 different colleges, the dept. of education, and sallie mae too many times to count, I found out I can do nothing until November!
My in-laws suck! This is not a new phenomena, it just now involves their treatment of my children, so now I am pissed-off! Yes, they forgot my son's birthday because the are so "over-whelmed" by their new 4 week old grandson that is living with them! Please understand that my SIL and BIL are also there, and it is one 4 week old baby and only 1 of the adults is working! This behavior is not new for my in-laws, in the past however, my children were not at the center. It was usually them treating me like a piece of shit, which has been going on for 19 years now!
Finally, I had a meeting with the powers-that-be at my kids school. It was about Killi and her "learning issues". I got what I had expected from the meeting, but not what I wanted! It is amazing to me the double-talk that is done when dealing with little children and their education! The out-come is that we will meet again in December and see where we are at. In the meantime, I will continue to explore private options! Thank God my taxes are fairly low, and I am not paying millions for public school education and getting F***ed!
Hopefully I can resolve some of these issues over the weekend and relax and enjoy my family! Ben is off tomorrow and I am sure I will be able to sleep in and wake-up refreshed and with a new outlook on life! Yes friends, I am hoping he reads this and I am just wishing aloud;-)
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Hummm...
Today continued much like the past week has, crazy and unpredictable! I started the day with a ride to Bethesda for a doctor's appointment for Killi, so that was a nice LONG ride on 95 and the beltway! The appointment went fairly well and I was given the documentation needed to get us moving in the right direction.
I ran home, made a few phone calls and ran out to get Declan from school. On my way in, my mother called to tell me that my grandfather had just passed away! That was nice icing on top of my very crazy cake! I know I had mentioned, more than once that I was not going to NJ until my brother's wedding next November unless someone died...really???? I would have come if someone asked, there was no reason for a death:) On a serious note, my grandfather lived a very long and until very recently, active life. He was an interesting guy. He spent his career as a doctor and he had an opinion on everything! In fact, I wonder if the election of Obama last November is what made him unable to continue on;-)
So, we are headed to NJ. The monsters will get to see their Happy that they have been really missing and they will meet their new cousin! Hopefully this is the end of what has been a very uncomfortable and hard week!
Let's just hope the husband reminds the in-laws that I am a woman on the edge so I don't have to "freak-out" there too;-)
I ran home, made a few phone calls and ran out to get Declan from school. On my way in, my mother called to tell me that my grandfather had just passed away! That was nice icing on top of my very crazy cake! I know I had mentioned, more than once that I was not going to NJ until my brother's wedding next November unless someone died...really???? I would have come if someone asked, there was no reason for a death:) On a serious note, my grandfather lived a very long and until very recently, active life. He was an interesting guy. He spent his career as a doctor and he had an opinion on everything! In fact, I wonder if the election of Obama last November is what made him unable to continue on;-)
So, we are headed to NJ. The monsters will get to see their Happy that they have been really missing and they will meet their new cousin! Hopefully this is the end of what has been a very uncomfortable and hard week!
Let's just hope the husband reminds the in-laws that I am a woman on the edge so I don't have to "freak-out" there too;-)
Monday, September 28, 2009
There Goes My Life...
I wish I could find a way to release the stress I carry throughout the day. I should walk on nice days and meditate on rainy days. I don't want to walk fast, just a stroll, 30mins of peace. I would like to force myself to clear my mind and let go of all that is happening in my world. I am just not sure I know how to do this. I have tried meditation in the past, but always find it so difficult to completely clear my mind. Can it be done? There is rarely a moment that goes by that my mind is not racing with millions of things. The kids, husband, household needs, friends, family, school, PTO there is always someone or something to think about. And I am happy to have so much going on, it is always fun and exciting, I just wish I could let it go for a few minutes.
I get overwhelmed by life I tend to soak-up the negative and forget that there is so much more positive that negative in my life. It is so easy to focus on the negative. I want to only hold on to the positives! No more negative in my life! Happy Family, Happy Friends and Happy Thoughts, that is what I will spend my 30 minutes focusing on.
I am so lucky to have this great life and now I am going to start remembering that! I want to enjoy more. Enjoy everything to the fullest extent! I am going to start really looking at things before I get upset or angry about them. I am going to enjoy the ride! Every moment I have with my family and friends I will be grateful. And I am going to remember to smile! When I was in Elementary School, my teachers always told my mom what a beautiful and infectious smile I had and I need to start doing it more! Smiling makes me happy when I do it and I know that it makes other people smile with me! So, I will smile:) I will smile and remember how wonderful my life is and refocus on what REALLY matters!
I get overwhelmed by life I tend to soak-up the negative and forget that there is so much more positive that negative in my life. It is so easy to focus on the negative. I want to only hold on to the positives! No more negative in my life! Happy Family, Happy Friends and Happy Thoughts, that is what I will spend my 30 minutes focusing on.
I am so lucky to have this great life and now I am going to start remembering that! I want to enjoy more. Enjoy everything to the fullest extent! I am going to start really looking at things before I get upset or angry about them. I am going to enjoy the ride! Every moment I have with my family and friends I will be grateful. And I am going to remember to smile! When I was in Elementary School, my teachers always told my mom what a beautiful and infectious smile I had and I need to start doing it more! Smiling makes me happy when I do it and I know that it makes other people smile with me! So, I will smile:) I will smile and remember how wonderful my life is and refocus on what REALLY matters!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Trying New Things!
In the past year I have made some changes in my life. Most of them small and not really drastic, just "new" for me. It started with lunch with a friend that turned into a PTO board position, from there I have just kept joining:) PTO was not as surprising as my involvement in local politics. My husband has always warned not to get involved in local politics(too petty:)but as the very good listener I am, I ignored him and have become involved. Then yesterday, I decided to plunge into the world of the evening lions.
Over the past few years I have been thinking and trying to become more involved in my community and now I am done thinking and am jumping in! Although, I may be jumping head first;-)
For now I am enjoying it. Meeting TONS of new people, which is always fun for me:) I am also happy that I am trying to do a little for my community. I am looking forward to my new adventures, a bit nervous, but excited.
So now with 3 monsters, a husband, home, family & friends, PTO, Lions and a Masters Program, I should be good and busy for awhile! I hope the fun continues!
Over the past few years I have been thinking and trying to become more involved in my community and now I am done thinking and am jumping in! Although, I may be jumping head first;-)
For now I am enjoying it. Meeting TONS of new people, which is always fun for me:) I am also happy that I am trying to do a little for my community. I am looking forward to my new adventures, a bit nervous, but excited.
So now with 3 monsters, a husband, home, family & friends, PTO, Lions and a Masters Program, I should be good and busy for awhile! I hope the fun continues!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Yeah For Me!!!!
I am happy to report that I have been accepted into the Masters Program of my dreams! I am so very excited! The program can be tailored to my liking. It has been a long time coming. I completed my undergrad online and it took me a very, very long time and the subject was business, which is not an area I have much interest in, but the program was convenient with three little monsters to look after.
Now it is my turn! My turn to do something I want to do while still being at home with the monsters! Now, what to study???? The possibilities are endless!!!!
Now it is my turn! My turn to do something I want to do while still being at home with the monsters! Now, what to study???? The possibilities are endless!!!!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
If At First...
This week I applied to another graduate school. I am three classes in to the program at one school and I hate it! I am not enjoying the classes at all! The subject matter is not keeping my interest and I want a change! I entered a program for school counseling as I thought it would be a good career, but as I said, it was not interesting at all! The program I applied for this week I am very excited about! It is a history and culture program and the only thing that would make the program completely perfect is if they would have thrown-in religion:) History has always been my first love. I can still recite most of the things I was taught in 6,7 and 8th grade by Mr. Harvey, The Articles of Confederation have been the A of C since then:) Now living in the DC Metro area there is so much history everywhere I turn. I really hope this program works out and I will have a chance to pursue this adventure!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Really Trying
I have really been putting forth great effort trying to make some changes around here. Trying to waste less money, eat better foods, help the Monsters understand that money doesn't grow on trees:), and over all focus more on MY family.
To get started on this, I decided to precook some meals for the week. That should help with both eating better and saving money. So, yesterday I spent the day cooking!and mostly from scratch! I made chicken parm for last nights dinner, two trays of ziti to freeze and Chile that cooked all night in the crock-pot which half became dinner tonight and the other half got frozen for another meal! This is a big deal for me and I hope I am able to continue it!
I also have started back to a bedtime routine for the kids. Last night was the first night and it was a long night! Lots of Monsters traveling out for kisses and hugs and drinks and, and, and! They did get to sleep finally around 10pm, and I woke them at 8am. They were tired today and Mag was asleep within 20mins of her tuck-in tonight:) Hopefully this is a good sign and we can get back in the groove!
I am feeling like life is moving too fast! And everybody is rushing to keep-up. I have decided that I don't need to finish first anymore. Now I just want to enjoy the ride. I want the Monsters to know is really important in life! I hope it works!
To get started on this, I decided to precook some meals for the week. That should help with both eating better and saving money. So, yesterday I spent the day cooking!and mostly from scratch! I made chicken parm for last nights dinner, two trays of ziti to freeze and Chile that cooked all night in the crock-pot which half became dinner tonight and the other half got frozen for another meal! This is a big deal for me and I hope I am able to continue it!
I also have started back to a bedtime routine for the kids. Last night was the first night and it was a long night! Lots of Monsters traveling out for kisses and hugs and drinks and, and, and! They did get to sleep finally around 10pm, and I woke them at 8am. They were tired today and Mag was asleep within 20mins of her tuck-in tonight:) Hopefully this is a good sign and we can get back in the groove!
I am feeling like life is moving too fast! And everybody is rushing to keep-up. I have decided that I don't need to finish first anymore. Now I just want to enjoy the ride. I want the Monsters to know is really important in life! I hope it works!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Remembering
While on vacation last week, I had a dream about a boy I know that committed suicide during my Senior Year of High School. I am not sure what triggered the dream and subsequent memories, but it had been a long time since I thought so much about him.
His name was Jason. I had know him most of my life, my aunt and his mom were very good friends so I saw him often. Once I started school, we were in class together. He was my partner for kindergarten graduation:) I invited him to my birthday every year(when I was young;-) and for my 8th birthday he gave me a silver butterfly bracelet and necklace. I loved it! When I was in 5th grade, I switched schools and saw him less but as I said our families were friends and town was small, so it was never long before I saw him again. I remember often running into him at the boardwalk, he was always riding is dirt-bike up there on summer evenings.
I remember the last time I saw him, it was at the Quick-Check near my house, he stopped(on his bike)on his way home from the beach. We said "hi" asked about each others families and then went on our separate ways. A few months after that meeting, in the early morning, my aunt called to tell my mother the news of his passing. He had written a note, taken his father's gun and ended his life.
I remember being sad when it happened, but I think I am sadder now looking back on it. I am sad for his parents and brother who have had to go on without him. Sad for him that he could see no other way.
I am not sure what made me think of him, but I glad I did. I am glad to remember our time together and also see how lucky I am for being here right now.
RIP Jason.
His name was Jason. I had know him most of my life, my aunt and his mom were very good friends so I saw him often. Once I started school, we were in class together. He was my partner for kindergarten graduation:) I invited him to my birthday every year(when I was young;-) and for my 8th birthday he gave me a silver butterfly bracelet and necklace. I loved it! When I was in 5th grade, I switched schools and saw him less but as I said our families were friends and town was small, so it was never long before I saw him again. I remember often running into him at the boardwalk, he was always riding is dirt-bike up there on summer evenings.
I remember the last time I saw him, it was at the Quick-Check near my house, he stopped(on his bike)on his way home from the beach. We said "hi" asked about each others families and then went on our separate ways. A few months after that meeting, in the early morning, my aunt called to tell my mother the news of his passing. He had written a note, taken his father's gun and ended his life.
I remember being sad when it happened, but I think I am sadder now looking back on it. I am sad for his parents and brother who have had to go on without him. Sad for him that he could see no other way.
I am not sure what made me think of him, but I glad I did. I am glad to remember our time together and also see how lucky I am for being here right now.
RIP Jason.
Simplifying Life
I must be getting old or maybe I have stumbled on some wisdom:) Things in my world are changing. Big Changes. Good Changes. Difficult Changes. Changes none-the-less. Things that I thought were important no longer seem that way and the simply things in life are looking more appealing. Spending time with my family and friends(haha, friends:)Teaching my kids what is important in life, that is what I want to do!
We have a great deal going on activity wise in the Family and a schedule/routine will need to be found, but I also want to make Family Fun Time; camping,day trips, movie nights lots of quality bonding:)
I want to learn how to live in the moment, enjoy life! Change the way I prioritize things. Remember what is really important!
Wish me Luck!
We have a great deal going on activity wise in the Family and a schedule/routine will need to be found, but I also want to make Family Fun Time; camping,day trips, movie nights lots of quality bonding:)
I want to learn how to live in the moment, enjoy life! Change the way I prioritize things. Remember what is really important!
Wish me Luck!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
If I Believed...
I think if I believed in heaven and hell, hell would be all that is wrong and unpleasant in the world and heaven all the good things we have. Personally, I still searching for answers. What I do believe is that the petty, back-stabling bull shit that goes on is not Heaven. In fact, it is not remotely entertaining. Well, maybe that is a lie. It is slightly entertaining to watch people trip over themselves back-pedaling:)
I am tired! Tired of being in pain! Tired of being lied to! Tired of having to try so hard to be nice to people! A cave might be nice. A cool, quiet, dark cave! Hibernation!!! That is what I need!
I cannot stress enough that I was not prepared for this part of parenting! The part where I was going to have to play nice with others. I have never played well with others. Especially on their terms. I like to be able to take my ball and go home when I am done playing. Holding my tongue is also not a strong suit of mine. I like to throw out what is on my mind and like to see what comes back...that is until it stopped coming back and instead wrapped around the pole before returning with lots of changes! I miss directness; because even if the truth stings for a second it is so much better than the slow tear that continues to bite!
I am tired! Tired of fakeness and lies, back-stabbing and bull sh*t! I want to be done. I want to close my eyes and sleep with no pain or stress. With thoughts of heaven in my head. I want to enjoy what I have and ignore the rest. I want to smile more and cry less. I want to be happy and I know that only I can make myself happy! When tomorrow comes, I will be happy. I will enjoy my monsters! I will enjoy my life. I will decrease my stress and negativity.
I am tired!
I am tired! Tired of being in pain! Tired of being lied to! Tired of having to try so hard to be nice to people! A cave might be nice. A cool, quiet, dark cave! Hibernation!!! That is what I need!
I cannot stress enough that I was not prepared for this part of parenting! The part where I was going to have to play nice with others. I have never played well with others. Especially on their terms. I like to be able to take my ball and go home when I am done playing. Holding my tongue is also not a strong suit of mine. I like to throw out what is on my mind and like to see what comes back...that is until it stopped coming back and instead wrapped around the pole before returning with lots of changes! I miss directness; because even if the truth stings for a second it is so much better than the slow tear that continues to bite!
I am tired! Tired of fakeness and lies, back-stabbing and bull sh*t! I want to be done. I want to close my eyes and sleep with no pain or stress. With thoughts of heaven in my head. I want to enjoy what I have and ignore the rest. I want to smile more and cry less. I want to be happy and I know that only I can make myself happy! When tomorrow comes, I will be happy. I will enjoy my monsters! I will enjoy my life. I will decrease my stress and negativity.
I am tired!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Dental Work!
I know I have been very neglectful of my blog lately, but I am going to try to get back to it!
This weekend was supposed to be our big family camping trip out to the Eastern Shore. We didn't make it! Instead, I got an emergency trip to the dentist on Saturday for a toothache I was having! I expected to get there and be given some antibiotics and an appointment later in the week for some work. That is not what happened at all! What happened was I waited for over an hour to see the dentist and when I got in there he decided that I needed one root canal and one extraction and oh-by-the-way, we would do that all NOW! The root canal wasn't bad, the shots of Novocaine were worse(a total of 16 for the 2 procedures). The extraction was a different story. It was the wisdom tooth on the bottom left. It was impacted and decayed so that was not making it easy! The dentist called it a level 4 soft tissue extraction. That didn't sound good, but when he had to stop for a bigger scalpel I was really nervous! There was alot of cutting and pulling and when the tooth came out there was LOTS of blood! All over the dentist and me! The little bib did not catch it all and when I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, I saw more blood than I had ever imagined! Oh yeah, there are stitches too:)
Anyway, I left the office with an antibiotic that will surely give me a yeast infection and a script for vicodin that I cannot take! I was expecting to feel better by now, but I am not. My face is still swollen and warm to the touch. I will see the dentist in the morning to make sure all is well as my stitches seem to be out and hanging in my mouth. This was not fun! Not a fun weekend at all! If only I had taken better care of my teeth(if dental insurance wasn't sooo expensive)!
This weekend was supposed to be our big family camping trip out to the Eastern Shore. We didn't make it! Instead, I got an emergency trip to the dentist on Saturday for a toothache I was having! I expected to get there and be given some antibiotics and an appointment later in the week for some work. That is not what happened at all! What happened was I waited for over an hour to see the dentist and when I got in there he decided that I needed one root canal and one extraction and oh-by-the-way, we would do that all NOW! The root canal wasn't bad, the shots of Novocaine were worse(a total of 16 for the 2 procedures). The extraction was a different story. It was the wisdom tooth on the bottom left. It was impacted and decayed so that was not making it easy! The dentist called it a level 4 soft tissue extraction. That didn't sound good, but when he had to stop for a bigger scalpel I was really nervous! There was alot of cutting and pulling and when the tooth came out there was LOTS of blood! All over the dentist and me! The little bib did not catch it all and when I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, I saw more blood than I had ever imagined! Oh yeah, there are stitches too:)
Anyway, I left the office with an antibiotic that will surely give me a yeast infection and a script for vicodin that I cannot take! I was expecting to feel better by now, but I am not. My face is still swollen and warm to the touch. I will see the dentist in the morning to make sure all is well as my stitches seem to be out and hanging in my mouth. This was not fun! Not a fun weekend at all! If only I had taken better care of my teeth(if dental insurance wasn't sooo expensive)!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Really Cool!
For those who don't know, my grandfather was a National League Umpire. It was really neat growing up having the chance to experience baseball up-close like I did. My grandfather's name was Billy Williams or NL UMP #24 as his personalized plates read:)Some of the greatest childhood memories I have involve going to baseball games at Shea Stadium and Veterans Stadium to watch my grandfather and then visit with him after the game. After the games, when we were waiting from him to clean-up, we would stand in the tunnels and watch the grounds crews clean-up the field. It was an awesome feeling to be standing there, looking at the stadium near empty and so close to the field. Often times players walked by on there way to the locker room or headed home, but I was rarely phased as it was common-place:) I did later find out that not everyone did this:) And it was very cool in 1986 when the Mets were Great and we were lucky enough to go and see so many games! My brother was even lucky enough to meet some of the players!
To get to the point, this week on the MLB Network, there were re-plays are many All Star Games, so I started looking into what All Star Games my grandfather had worked in hopes of being able to tape one to show my children. Through my research I stumbled across a book called, "As They See 'Em: A Fan's Travels in the Land of Umpires" by Bruce Weber. I could not get to the book store fast enough to buy it, because the excerpt was about my grandfather! It was beyond cool!!! Reading the book as brought back so many great childhood memories!
If you have a sec, look up the book and read the excerpt!
To get to the point, this week on the MLB Network, there were re-plays are many All Star Games, so I started looking into what All Star Games my grandfather had worked in hopes of being able to tape one to show my children. Through my research I stumbled across a book called, "As They See 'Em: A Fan's Travels in the Land of Umpires" by Bruce Weber. I could not get to the book store fast enough to buy it, because the excerpt was about my grandfather! It was beyond cool!!! Reading the book as brought back so many great childhood memories!
If you have a sec, look up the book and read the excerpt!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Learning...
Right now I need a place to "express" myself. I seem to be having trouble doing this as of late without ruffling a great number of feathers. I don't mind the ruffling part as much as I mind the expectation from others that I should a. care that I have ruffled b. apologize for ruffling and c. sensor myself.
Well, here is what I am NOT, I am not one to beat-around-the-bush. I am not ever going to be voted most popular. I am not a follower. I am not weak. I am not controlled by my husband.
What I am is, straight-forward, nondiscriminatory, a nurturer, passionate, intelligent, strong, explosive.
What I am trying to be is, conscience of how my life choice effect the very few people that are my life. I am trying to understand that not everyone is as strong as I am. I am trying to remember that small-town politics suck! I am trying to remember to trust Nobody outside my house.
With each stage I move though in life the lessons seem to be much the same and I have never been very good at falling-in-line and I am not sure I will ever be able to do so...you know what, I know I won't be able to and I don't want to. I don't want to live in Stepford, but I don't want my children to suffer because of that so where does that leave me? Right now it leaves me up at 2am wondering. Wondering, but knowing that no matter what I do or say I have a husband that will love and support that fact that I have opinions of my own and a right to express them!
Well, here is what I am NOT, I am not one to beat-around-the-bush. I am not ever going to be voted most popular. I am not a follower. I am not weak. I am not controlled by my husband.
What I am is, straight-forward, nondiscriminatory, a nurturer, passionate, intelligent, strong, explosive.
What I am trying to be is, conscience of how my life choice effect the very few people that are my life. I am trying to understand that not everyone is as strong as I am. I am trying to remember that small-town politics suck! I am trying to remember to trust Nobody outside my house.
With each stage I move though in life the lessons seem to be much the same and I have never been very good at falling-in-line and I am not sure I will ever be able to do so...you know what, I know I won't be able to and I don't want to. I don't want to live in Stepford, but I don't want my children to suffer because of that so where does that leave me? Right now it leaves me up at 2am wondering. Wondering, but knowing that no matter what I do or say I have a husband that will love and support that fact that I have opinions of my own and a right to express them!
Monday, July 6, 2009
A Few Things...
We are back home after 15 VERY long days at the in-laws. The trips up there, and anywhere family is involved in sharing living space with us, has become difficult for us. We are not a huge family, but there are five of us, and I will admit we have a LARGE family footprint:) Because of that, staying at other people's homes for more than 3/4 days is too much!
Ben and I are also finding it more difficult to travel to or with family as the kids get older. I know this may seem strange as you would think things would get easier as they get old and traveling in general has, but not when family is involved. The reason for this(for us) is that we live far away from family and only see them a few times a year. We have come to rely on friends and neighbors for babysitting and other "emergencies" because we had to. We have been VERY fortunate to have found a few really GREAT friends that have stepped up in ways you think only family will:) What the downside to this is that our families do not see how our children are raised day-in and day-out and when we are with them that is made very clear! From what they can eat when to what they can watch on tv, things that they would know if they were more involved. And I know that it is not by choice that we live so far away, but it makes it hard for me and the kids. To hear you kids being yelled at for having a snack in between breakfast and lunch(when they have been playing in the pool for hours)it is annoying! And then 20 minutes later you find your 7 year old watching CN(not allowed at our house)you just wonder!
The solution we have decided on is no more than 4 days with family, it is too much! We will spend our vacations as a family...the 5 of us! We don't spend enough time doing fun things together anyway!
Ben and I are also finding it more difficult to travel to or with family as the kids get older. I know this may seem strange as you would think things would get easier as they get old and traveling in general has, but not when family is involved. The reason for this(for us) is that we live far away from family and only see them a few times a year. We have come to rely on friends and neighbors for babysitting and other "emergencies" because we had to. We have been VERY fortunate to have found a few really GREAT friends that have stepped up in ways you think only family will:) What the downside to this is that our families do not see how our children are raised day-in and day-out and when we are with them that is made very clear! From what they can eat when to what they can watch on tv, things that they would know if they were more involved. And I know that it is not by choice that we live so far away, but it makes it hard for me and the kids. To hear you kids being yelled at for having a snack in between breakfast and lunch(when they have been playing in the pool for hours)it is annoying! And then 20 minutes later you find your 7 year old watching CN(not allowed at our house)you just wonder!
The solution we have decided on is no more than 4 days with family, it is too much! We will spend our vacations as a family...the 5 of us! We don't spend enough time doing fun things together anyway!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
And Then I Was Done!
Those closest to me have learned that I work in very non-traditional ways. I am seeming unorganized, but in actuality I have everything anally organized in my head. My family and household run on almost no schedule and I don't do well with plans. The other area I lack tradition in is the way I maintain relationships.
Within my relationships, I will take alot of shit. I rarely say anything when I get annoyed or angry, I just let it pass and move on. The problem is, I NEVER forget anything and rarely forgive(I am a grudge holder:), so what happens is that I reach my breaking point and just "Write People Off" as my sister says. I guess it is difficult for people to understand why I am that way, but I am and that is too bad
Within my relationships, I will take alot of shit. I rarely say anything when I get annoyed or angry, I just let it pass and move on. The problem is, I NEVER forget anything and rarely forgive(I am a grudge holder:), so what happens is that I reach my breaking point and just "Write People Off" as my sister says. I guess it is difficult for people to understand why I am that way, but I am and that is too bad
Friday, June 19, 2009
Husband!
Sometimes my husband likes to pretend that he is REALLY cool and The Boss, but he just looks like a big jerk! Or as a very wise and soft-spoken man I know might say...Husband is a blow heart!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Sometimes...
As I have made mention more than a few times here that past few weeks, I have not been feeling well. The cause of it is still unknown. I am in the process of changing some meds and had some tests run, but nothing concrete has been found. Still no answers, but I am not surprised, this has been on-and-off for years now.
Anyway, Sometimes when you are feeling down what helps the most is an old friend. And even if you're not in a great place in the friendship, they still know the right things to say, just how much to joke and let you know that no matter what, you're not alone. Boy, does that help ya breathe! I am very lucky to have had that phone call today!
What is also nice, is crazy "newish" friends that are insane enough to take all three of the monsters when they see you are feeling down!
Friends are good!
Anyway, Sometimes when you are feeling down what helps the most is an old friend. And even if you're not in a great place in the friendship, they still know the right things to say, just how much to joke and let you know that no matter what, you're not alone. Boy, does that help ya breathe! I am very lucky to have had that phone call today!
What is also nice, is crazy "newish" friends that are insane enough to take all three of the monsters when they see you are feeling down!
Friends are good!
me?
After finally feeling better the past few days, now I am completely on edge and making myself sick to my stomach! My nerves are SHOT! On total overload! I seriously don't know how much longer I can do this for. I am just making myself nutty!
I think I just need a break. I need to get away from here. I need the peace and quiet of NJ and my family(yes, I am aware that it sounds like an oxymoron:) I really do need to get away. Sometimes I find it very difficult to play nice with everyone. I know, hard to believe, but it's true. Right now I have my hat in a few different rings and my Virginia, PTO/Soccer mom Emily is having to spend way to much time out and about! I need some time for the sassy,fresh NJ Emily to come out!
I grew and changed to fit the lifestyle that I was in, but I am not sure that is who I REALLY am. But I also don't think I am the girl I was when I left NJ at 21 years old, 13 years ago. I think that somewhere between the two is who I am and what I want. I am just not sure I if I can be that person and live "this" life.
I don't have time for my interests and hobbies(typing the word makes me laugh)because that time is used. I have kids that don't get enough of me. A husband that wants more too, but I cannot even find the time for reading, sleeping.
I am a weak person. I need to better organize my life and things would be better. Stick to a schedule. I don't, because I'm weak. I need to be stronger! I want to be stronger.
I think I just need a break. I need to get away from here. I need the peace and quiet of NJ and my family(yes, I am aware that it sounds like an oxymoron:) I really do need to get away. Sometimes I find it very difficult to play nice with everyone. I know, hard to believe, but it's true. Right now I have my hat in a few different rings and my Virginia, PTO/Soccer mom Emily is having to spend way to much time out and about! I need some time for the sassy,fresh NJ Emily to come out!
I grew and changed to fit the lifestyle that I was in, but I am not sure that is who I REALLY am. But I also don't think I am the girl I was when I left NJ at 21 years old, 13 years ago. I think that somewhere between the two is who I am and what I want. I am just not sure I if I can be that person and live "this" life.
I don't have time for my interests and hobbies(typing the word makes me laugh)because that time is used. I have kids that don't get enough of me. A husband that wants more too, but I cannot even find the time for reading, sleeping.
I am a weak person. I need to better organize my life and things would be better. Stick to a schedule. I don't, because I'm weak. I need to be stronger! I want to be stronger.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
But Why?
I know I should be happy, but I am not! I am feeling sad. There is no reason. Kids are good! Husband, very good. Friends, not awful:) Yet, I am blue!
Depression Sucks! Hopefully the new meds will start working soon and I will have a turn in the world of sunshine and happiness:) I know that it is hard to understand if you do not or have never gone through a bout of depression. If you are lucky enough to be one of those people, please try to take the time to understand that this is not something people want to deal with. It truly is an illness, but one that is so hard to heal. Imagine walking around with a broken leg that would never heal or a cold that never ended! Sometimes that is what makes it harder. That even when it is "gone" you never know for how long.
Tomorrow will be a better day for me!
Depression Sucks! Hopefully the new meds will start working soon and I will have a turn in the world of sunshine and happiness:) I know that it is hard to understand if you do not or have never gone through a bout of depression. If you are lucky enough to be one of those people, please try to take the time to understand that this is not something people want to deal with. It truly is an illness, but one that is so hard to heal. Imagine walking around with a broken leg that would never heal or a cold that never ended! Sometimes that is what makes it harder. That even when it is "gone" you never know for how long.
Tomorrow will be a better day for me!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Laugh At/With Me!
When I was 13, I met the boy who turned into my "first love". We spend the whole summer at the beach together, day and night. The time we didn't spend together were spent on the phone through the early morning hours. He was my boyfriend for about a year, until he went off to high school and I was only in 8th grade:) He needed to move onto those older high school girls:)
Anyway,he dumped me for this girl who worked at an ice cream shop in the next town over. So, what do I do upon hearing this news? That's right, I made my friends go with me to stalk said girl! We hopped on our bikes and off we went. The entire ride there, I am thinking that this is a completely rational thing to do! We finally get there and wait for her to be free so that she can "serve" us(because, somehow that was going to make a point:) She does, and as we leave, my friends and I make a point to let this girl know that she is dating "my man".
As I look back on this outing, I find my face getting warm with embarrassment and cannot help but to laugh at myself. The phase, "What was I thinking?" comes to mind.
The boy is long gone from my life and I am not sure that the girl would even remember it happening, but I like to laugh about it sometimes and hope that my monsters will never do anything so ridiculous, all the while knowing that they will;-)
Anyway,he dumped me for this girl who worked at an ice cream shop in the next town over. So, what do I do upon hearing this news? That's right, I made my friends go with me to stalk said girl! We hopped on our bikes and off we went. The entire ride there, I am thinking that this is a completely rational thing to do! We finally get there and wait for her to be free so that she can "serve" us(because, somehow that was going to make a point:) She does, and as we leave, my friends and I make a point to let this girl know that she is dating "my man".
As I look back on this outing, I find my face getting warm with embarrassment and cannot help but to laugh at myself. The phase, "What was I thinking?" comes to mind.
The boy is long gone from my life and I am not sure that the girl would even remember it happening, but I like to laugh about it sometimes and hope that my monsters will never do anything so ridiculous, all the while knowing that they will;-)
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Answers!
For the past 9 years I have been living with Chronic Pain. The pain is not always in the same place and has sometimes been managed, but has been there nonetheless. Over this period I have seen MANY doctors and most of them do a good job trying to fit the symptoms, but never bother to find a cause. So, a treatment plan is made and the pain will be under control for months and if I am lucky a year, then BAM! it comes back! It really sucks!
On top of the constant pain, people think you are insane and making it up! And I do understand that, it is hard to imagine that someone could be in pain all the time! The most bizarre thing about it is that the pain I feel is all the same whether I stub my toe or break a bone! It is crazy!
Alas, my wonderful doctor did offer some answers today about all of that! First, he does not think I am making it all up(plus), he wants to he me feel better(plus), and he explained so things about chronic pain that I didn't know.
Now, I will try new meds to see if the pain can be managed, if not with this one there are more to choose from and the doctor is willing to help!
On top of the constant pain, people think you are insane and making it up! And I do understand that, it is hard to imagine that someone could be in pain all the time! The most bizarre thing about it is that the pain I feel is all the same whether I stub my toe or break a bone! It is crazy!
Alas, my wonderful doctor did offer some answers today about all of that! First, he does not think I am making it all up(plus), he wants to he me feel better(plus), and he explained so things about chronic pain that I didn't know.
Now, I will try new meds to see if the pain can be managed, if not with this one there are more to choose from and the doctor is willing to help!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Judging...
I have always been very proud of the fact that I am an incredibly good judge of character. With my good judgment comes instant and appropriate relationship boundaries for me, except for when they don't. And when that happens, I end up with crazies too involved in my life! I find that this only happens to me when I have too many new "friends" coming into my life and I am in a new area of growth:) For example, this time it was a new school for the kids, a PTO position and new SASA duties. All of these "new" things at once forced me to interact with too many "new" people at once not giving me enough time to set-up the boundaries I need. I think the last time this happened to me was when I was a new mom and joined a MOM'S group, and let me tell you, that ended BAD:)
I am hopeful that these relationships are not going to be that bad, I do know that I need to start taking sometime for me! And being alright with who and what I am! I have not changed, I may "try-on" different hats sometimes and it may take me a minute to realize they don't fit. but eventually I take them off and put my ratty-old, comfy hat back on!
So now the two week trip to NJ that I was dreading, is looking like a gift from GOD! Time to get away and relax in MY HAT;-)
I am hopeful that these relationships are not going to be that bad, I do know that I need to start taking sometime for me! And being alright with who and what I am! I have not changed, I may "try-on" different hats sometimes and it may take me a minute to realize they don't fit. but eventually I take them off and put my ratty-old, comfy hat back on!
So now the two week trip to NJ that I was dreading, is looking like a gift from GOD! Time to get away and relax in MY HAT;-)
Sunday, May 31, 2009
A Night Out!
I don't "go out" often, never have. The bar scene is not my thing. I am not a big drinker and would never pay a babysitter to go to a bar! Last night however, I went to karaoke with a few friends and had a wonderful time! Ben stayed home the monsters, with absolutely no bitching:) It was very nice! And I have to say that I did not sing, as I know I am not very good:) But I did laugh alot!
Thanks! to my husband and friends for a much enjoyed night of fun!
Thanks! to my husband and friends for a much enjoyed night of fun!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Yes, I am in a foul mood, but...
I do a lot of blog reading, probably too much:) Some people I know personally, some I know from blogging and have become blog "friends" with, and still others I just read their blog with no interaction with them other than what they write. Anyway, where I am headed with this is how "unrealistic" people can make their "blog lives". There is really no way to know how much is real and that is fine, but interesting. I also find it a bit like cheating. I think it is cheating when you blog and make everything seem like sunshine and roses! Why have a blog then? Why write in your blog only about the "good" and the "happy" when real life happens everyday. I am not talking about those blogs I read that are geared to one part of your life, I am talking about those that portray the "perfect family life" where a perfect mom and dad live, with their perfect kids.
Back to my very imperfect and real life!
Back to my very imperfect and real life!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Under the Weather!
I am not feeling 100%! My throat is scratchy, my ear is clogged and I have not slept in...well, a very long time! The nights have been LONG here. The kids are sick and not sleeping and I have had too much to do! Yet nothing at all is getting done:) We are supposed to camp on Saturday, so I need to be better!!!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
A Trip...Alone:)
In 7 1/2 years, I have not left my kids and husband alone! I have spent a few nights away with my husband(usually a few miles from my parents, where the kids were)and the kids and I have traveled without Ben, but in 7 1/2 years, I have not been away alone! I think that is about to change!
I have a friend that will be about 3 hours away from me next week and I think I am going to take a little ride to visit and spend the night! It will not be much, I will get the monsters off to school in the morning and then have the sitter get them after school until Ben gets home, then Ben will see them off to school the next morning and I will be back to pick them up! It will only be about 24 hours, but I think I should do it! I want to do it! It will be fun!
Ben says he is okay with it as long as I have a plan for the kids, but I know there will be hell to pay for this little trip when I get back! I think that I okay though, I am going to do it anyway. And I really do need to do this for all of us! Ben and the kids need to see that I do have a life and I need to give myself a little break and trust that life can go on without me.
I hope that next week will come and I will be reporting about a wonderful 24 hours with an old friend!
I have a friend that will be about 3 hours away from me next week and I think I am going to take a little ride to visit and spend the night! It will not be much, I will get the monsters off to school in the morning and then have the sitter get them after school until Ben gets home, then Ben will see them off to school the next morning and I will be back to pick them up! It will only be about 24 hours, but I think I should do it! I want to do it! It will be fun!
Ben says he is okay with it as long as I have a plan for the kids, but I know there will be hell to pay for this little trip when I get back! I think that I okay though, I am going to do it anyway. And I really do need to do this for all of us! Ben and the kids need to see that I do have a life and I need to give myself a little break and trust that life can go on without me.
I hope that next week will come and I will be reporting about a wonderful 24 hours with an old friend!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
The Ride
around and around, it goes
it is up, then it is down.
a quick breath...faster,
it continues.
at last, it STOPS!
you slide off.
but wait! you miss it.
looking for a way to try
again.
it is then you realize,
this not the way!
you have a chance,
take it.
it is up, then it is down.
a quick breath...faster,
it continues.
at last, it STOPS!
you slide off.
but wait! you miss it.
looking for a way to try
again.
it is then you realize,
this not the way!
you have a chance,
take it.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Blogging
I wish I blogged more. I enjoy the outlet it gives me to get things off my chest that I normally hold in, but it also allows me the chance to look back over things that have happened in my life. With the constant ride I am on learning, living and loving it is good to look back at the moments that went by too quick or others that I were tough but I need to relive:(
For now, as I sit at a table in St Thomas blogging, things are good. Tomorrow brings a trip home and back to reality on Monday! Good thing is that the school year is almost over and the pool will soon be open! Life just seems better and easier in the summer. I know the kids are home and need entertaining but it still seems easier!
For now, as I sit at a table in St Thomas blogging, things are good. Tomorrow brings a trip home and back to reality on Monday! Good thing is that the school year is almost over and the pool will soon be open! Life just seems better and easier in the summer. I know the kids are home and need entertaining but it still seems easier!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
That Point.
You know that POINT in a relationship when things change? It happens in every relationship(well, if you're me:), the point when you decide to take a step to the other side. I love this place in a relationship! It's like a "first kiss", it is fun and exciting and new. It can be scary to take the step, and sometimes you get hurt, but not taking it would be so much worse.
In the past few months I have been lucky enough to have many people come and go from my life. Some of those have been positive and some negative, but I would not change a single one. In the past few weeks, I have come to a crossroad in several of me relationship's that I now need to decide if I want a friendship or just continue as acquaintances. What to do????
In the past few months I have been lucky enough to have many people come and go from my life. Some of those have been positive and some negative, but I would not change a single one. In the past few weeks, I have come to a crossroad in several of me relationship's that I now need to decide if I want a friendship or just continue as acquaintances. What to do????
Monday, April 20, 2009
Time To Rant!
There are a few things that are really annoying me as of late-
-I will start with the RAIN! I am so sick of it! We get 2 nice days, followed by days and days of COLD RAIN! And it is not a small amount of rain, no it is lots of rain that never drys up because the rain keeps coming back!
-Moving on...explain to me why I had to sit at a meeting for 45min today to entirely recap a 2 hour meeting I had with the same people a week ago! And all this was to get my child the services she is entitled to by the county. Services that have taken 8 months to "officially" qualify her for and had no less than 5 meetings for, but hey, we got it done today and she can start receiving services for the last 8 weeks of school! And then guess what, we can start all over again in September!!!!
-My baby is feeling a bit under-the-weather which is really not convenient as we leave for vacation in 13 days! I don't understand, I really have been a good person lately, why the bad Karma?
Ya know what, I really could go on all night, so I will go and save more for tomorrow.
-I will start with the RAIN! I am so sick of it! We get 2 nice days, followed by days and days of COLD RAIN! And it is not a small amount of rain, no it is lots of rain that never drys up because the rain keeps coming back!
-Moving on...explain to me why I had to sit at a meeting for 45min today to entirely recap a 2 hour meeting I had with the same people a week ago! And all this was to get my child the services she is entitled to by the county. Services that have taken 8 months to "officially" qualify her for and had no less than 5 meetings for, but hey, we got it done today and she can start receiving services for the last 8 weeks of school! And then guess what, we can start all over again in September!!!!
-My baby is feeling a bit under-the-weather which is really not convenient as we leave for vacation in 13 days! I don't understand, I really have been a good person lately, why the bad Karma?
Ya know what, I really could go on all night, so I will go and save more for tomorrow.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Annoying...
Why is it that those who teach at the graduate level and above feel it necessary to use every .50 word they can? Why can they not just say what they mean in the clearest, easiest way possible?
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
So Much To Say...
Where should I start? Let me start with Easter. I am not a fan. Not a fan for several reasons. First, I don't believe in Christ so, a holiday celebrating his rising from the dead, a bit hard to get into(my husband is christian and the children are being raised as such, therefore we celebrate). Next, I will move on to the GROSS commercialization of the holiday! Seriously, Christ has risen; now here are some candy and trinkets? And wait because this year we will market more and more for you! Maybe I am missing something here, but I don't get it! Anyway, that is Easter!
I will now move onto to a dear friend of mine. She has a most horrific husband! He is a big, mean, male-chauvinist jerk! My friend is the sweetest, most caring and kind-hearted woman I know. What I find most upsetting is that she is so devoted to her religion and prays for guidance, yet God has yet to show her the way. The way I fear is out-the-door! At some point being abused has to come to an end! The problem I have in this is that one cannot speak ill of the husband without the friend feeling that she either needs to defend his actions or remove you from her life! It is getting worse lately too, now the kids are starting to treat her like he does! I don't understand why she has so little self esteem, I want to shake some sense into her!
Onto me. I am as crazy and unorganized as ever! I live with no rhythm or reason to life. This week is bad with Spring Break and Ben away, there is really no order here:)
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Before I end this bizarre post, I would like to share an encounter I had the other day:
setting: front desk at school me and 5-6 other moms
mom 1: Hey, what are you guys doing for Easter?
me: not much
mom 2: family, you?
mom 1: Going to my Aunt's, but my cousin Sue and her friend Jane will be there and they are expecting.
me: Oh, that's great! Do they know what they are having?
mom 3: Do the kids know?
mom 4: OMG!
mom 2: Have you talked to your kids about it?
me: about what(sometimes I am slow:)?
mom 2: about them being gay
mom 1: no, what would I say? Do your kids know what it means?
mom 2,3, 4: NO!
Me: know what what means?
mom 1: being gay.
me: My kids know that sometimes boys marry boys and girls, girls. and that sometimes kids have 2 moms and or dads, or both.
mom 3: why do they know that?
me: I guess they asked one time so I answered and as they get older they have asked more questions.
mom 2: really, and you answered?
me: Are you guys kidding me?(stares of disbelief) My kids know that families don't come in one shape or size and that all families the way they need to. If that means 2 moms, that's what it means; if it is a mom and dad, that is okay too. Whatever works!
(then I walked away and called my mom is horror!)
Are people really still this ignorant? I guess I know that they are, but I hate to be smacked in the face with it! It bugs me! I am not be up for any parenting awards(well good ones anyway:) but the one thing I can say is that my kids are well-rounded and very accepting of others!
Good Night!
I will now move onto to a dear friend of mine. She has a most horrific husband! He is a big, mean, male-chauvinist jerk! My friend is the sweetest, most caring and kind-hearted woman I know. What I find most upsetting is that she is so devoted to her religion and prays for guidance, yet God has yet to show her the way. The way I fear is out-the-door! At some point being abused has to come to an end! The problem I have in this is that one cannot speak ill of the husband without the friend feeling that she either needs to defend his actions or remove you from her life! It is getting worse lately too, now the kids are starting to treat her like he does! I don't understand why she has so little self esteem, I want to shake some sense into her!
Onto me. I am as crazy and unorganized as ever! I live with no rhythm or reason to life. This week is bad with Spring Break and Ben away, there is really no order here:)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Before I end this bizarre post, I would like to share an encounter I had the other day:
setting: front desk at school me and 5-6 other moms
mom 1: Hey, what are you guys doing for Easter?
me: not much
mom 2: family, you?
mom 1: Going to my Aunt's, but my cousin Sue and her friend Jane will be there and they are expecting.
me: Oh, that's great! Do they know what they are having?
mom 3: Do the kids know?
mom 4: OMG!
mom 2: Have you talked to your kids about it?
me: about what(sometimes I am slow:)?
mom 2: about them being gay
mom 1: no, what would I say? Do your kids know what it means?
mom 2,3, 4: NO!
Me: know what what means?
mom 1: being gay.
me: My kids know that sometimes boys marry boys and girls, girls. and that sometimes kids have 2 moms and or dads, or both.
mom 3: why do they know that?
me: I guess they asked one time so I answered and as they get older they have asked more questions.
mom 2: really, and you answered?
me: Are you guys kidding me?(stares of disbelief) My kids know that families don't come in one shape or size and that all families the way they need to. If that means 2 moms, that's what it means; if it is a mom and dad, that is okay too. Whatever works!
(then I walked away and called my mom is horror!)
Are people really still this ignorant? I guess I know that they are, but I hate to be smacked in the face with it! It bugs me! I am not be up for any parenting awards(well good ones anyway:) but the one thing I can say is that my kids are well-rounded and very accepting of others!
Good Night!
Know When You Are DONE...
When I had my first baby I lived in Manassas,VA and knew nobody! Nobody at all out there. So, after Declan was born I joined the local MOMS Club. It was great and I learned alot. Some good, most not:) What was good was meeting people and getting out of the house with my babies and being with other people that were at the same point in their lives as I was. Anyway, one of the friends I met there(one of only two I still speak too:) asked me after I had Declan if I was going to have more children. I answered that I wasn't sure and she said that she thought I would have more. I asked her why she thought that and she said that as a Mom you know when you are done. So, I got pregnant with Maggie and I felt done. Maggie was born and I felt done. Now Maggie is 4 and the thought of another, well lets just say I haven't asked Ben to reverse the vasectomy:) I wondered if I was going to feel this way with everyother person I know being pregnant, but I do!
My friend babysits for a mostly delightful 3 month that I hold and carry, cuddle and kiss more than I thought I would, but I feel only joy when I hand her back. My SIL is pregnant and I suppose I will hold the baby a time or two(maybe) but I want no more. I am done. And I know the feeling my friend was talking about. It is a feeling you cannot explain to mother before they have it themselves, but you know it when you have it.
I wish every mother were able to come to the feeling on their own, but I know that for many reasons the number of children on can have often depends on more than desire and for all of you that experience that I am sorry, but for all of you that do, isn't it an incredible feeling?
My friend babysits for a mostly delightful 3 month that I hold and carry, cuddle and kiss more than I thought I would, but I feel only joy when I hand her back. My SIL is pregnant and I suppose I will hold the baby a time or two(maybe) but I want no more. I am done. And I know the feeling my friend was talking about. It is a feeling you cannot explain to mother before they have it themselves, but you know it when you have it.
I wish every mother were able to come to the feeling on their own, but I know that for many reasons the number of children on can have often depends on more than desire and for all of you that experience that I am sorry, but for all of you that do, isn't it an incredible feeling?
Sunday, April 12, 2009
People From New Jersey Are So...
Living in the South, Virginia specifically, I often hear great stereotypes about Jersey Girls(and sometimes boys:)and the are always so negative, I should say they are seen as a negative. Here are a few I hear often,
People from New Jersey ...
are so mean! HELL NO, people from NJ are among the most kind-hearted in the world. I sometimes feel that people misunderstand are willingness to help, but not having FOREVER to hear ever detail 12 times! Just Bottom line it, what can we do to help you? 9 out of 10 times, we'll do it.
are trashy! Um...really? Cutting edge. Problem here is that it is another 3 years before the South gets that it is cool and 2 for the mid-west:)
are all in the mafia and or Italian! Seriously people, lots of us are not even Italian! And the Sopranos was just a drama, not reality TV!
talk fast and funny! Fast, I can give you, why the hell waste time, the days aren't long enough as it is! It goes back to just cut-to-the-chase, say what you need to and move on! As for the funny part, it is not my fault that you don't see the d in WADER, as in I would like a glass of ice wader:) OK, so maybe you have a point on the talking thing- but surely the hand moving while we talk is exaggerated;-)
Maybe I didn't do such a good job dispelling the stereotypes:) But I swear we do have BIG Hearts(and can NEVER say NO) you just need ask...quickly and listen very carefully for the answer so that you understand it:) And whatever you do, please don't go digging through our backyards(or stadium end zones:) you might not like what you find!
Worst of all, I never hear about how funny we are:)
People from New Jersey ...
are so mean! HELL NO, people from NJ are among the most kind-hearted in the world. I sometimes feel that people misunderstand are willingness to help, but not having FOREVER to hear ever detail 12 times! Just Bottom line it, what can we do to help you? 9 out of 10 times, we'll do it.
are trashy! Um...really? Cutting edge. Problem here is that it is another 3 years before the South gets that it is cool and 2 for the mid-west:)
are all in the mafia and or Italian! Seriously people, lots of us are not even Italian! And the Sopranos was just a drama, not reality TV!
talk fast and funny! Fast, I can give you, why the hell waste time, the days aren't long enough as it is! It goes back to just cut-to-the-chase, say what you need to and move on! As for the funny part, it is not my fault that you don't see the d in WADER, as in I would like a glass of ice wader:) OK, so maybe you have a point on the talking thing- but surely the hand moving while we talk is exaggerated;-)
Maybe I didn't do such a good job dispelling the stereotypes:) But I swear we do have BIG Hearts(and can NEVER say NO) you just need ask...quickly and listen very carefully for the answer so that you understand it:) And whatever you do, please don't go digging through our backyards(or stadium end zones:) you might not like what you find!
Worst of all, I never hear about how funny we are:)
Sunday, April 5, 2009
What a Life
Sometimes I get so caught-up in the daily grind that I forget how good life really is. We have had a terrific few days and lots of exciting this on the horizon. I just love Spring! It is the start of my "busy" season with the kids and traveling, but it also the end of my winter-blues! The monsters and I spent Friday entertaining friends, Saturday we had a "Family Fun Day" out to the Shenandoah National Park and the Tokyo Inn and today we attended the Easter Egg Hunt in our community! And it was a perfect day to hunt for eggs! The kids had friends from school to play with and the park was dry and ready for kids! Life has been good! It is amazing how much happier I am when the sun is shining!
Next week is busy too. Ben and I decided not to head to Jersey for Easter, but instead of staying home, he planned an overnight getaway for us! We are excited, the trip includes giraffes we can feed and an indoor swimming pool! I just hope the Easter Bunny finds us:)
After that we tickets to Opening Day for the Washington Nationals, where we will watch President Obama throw-out the first pitch! And the my brother and his gang come to visit.
Life is busy, but oh so fun this time of year. And trips to the beach are just around the corner:)
Next week is busy too. Ben and I decided not to head to Jersey for Easter, but instead of staying home, he planned an overnight getaway for us! We are excited, the trip includes giraffes we can feed and an indoor swimming pool! I just hope the Easter Bunny finds us:)
After that we tickets to Opening Day for the Washington Nationals, where we will watch President Obama throw-out the first pitch! And the my brother and his gang come to visit.
Life is busy, but oh so fun this time of year. And trips to the beach are just around the corner:)
Friday, March 27, 2009
A Week Of Recovery
It's been a week and for the most part it has not been awful:) I am getting better and just about ready to resume my daily chores. I will be both happy and sad to see my mother leave tomorrow, God knows I could not have recovered the past week without her. She has stepped in and done all my "jobs" plus others I had been putting off. And when my in-laws were in town last weekend, they got all of my laundry done so I am all caught up, if only I keep up with it:)
I had the week off from school(both mine and the kids:)and only had soccer to deal with during my recovery. I have had wonderful support from friends and family and I will never be able to thank everyone, but I will keep trying. I am looking forward to get back to life next week, I am starting to miss it.
I also celebrated a birthday yesterday, 34! Ben says that I am officially in my mid-thirties now and getting old!!! What a nice husband:) To celebrate, Ben, my mom and I went to dinner. It was nice to get out without the kids even though we were all pretty tired.
I had the week off from school(both mine and the kids:)and only had soccer to deal with during my recovery. I have had wonderful support from friends and family and I will never be able to thank everyone, but I will keep trying. I am looking forward to get back to life next week, I am starting to miss it.
I also celebrated a birthday yesterday, 34! Ben says that I am officially in my mid-thirties now and getting old!!! What a nice husband:) To celebrate, Ben, my mom and I went to dinner. It was nice to get out without the kids even though we were all pretty tired.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Soome Good!
There was Good News to be had today! That means that some of the stress has been lifted. All that is left now is getting through surgery! What I am most concerned about is that awful feeling I get after anesthesia. All sick to my stomach and dizzy! I hate that! I almost wish they would just numb the area and leave me awake:)
I am glad it is an out patient procedure and that my mother arrives on Saturday! My in-laws come in tomorrow night and will be here to watch the monsters Friday while I am under the knife!
I am using this surgery as an excuse to buy a few new nightgowns and a pair of sleepers:) So at least there is a positive in there.
I am glad it is an out patient procedure and that my mother arrives on Saturday! My in-laws come in tomorrow night and will be here to watch the monsters Friday while I am under the knife!
I am using this surgery as an excuse to buy a few new nightgowns and a pair of sleepers:) So at least there is a positive in there.
Monday, March 16, 2009
What a Couple of Weeks!
Surgery day has almost arrived, thank God! I on down to only 4 more sleepless, stress-filled nights! Hopefully I will have some good pain pills afterward that will buy me 1 or 2 good nights:)
My in-laws arrive on Thursday to help with the kids while I am in surgery and then my mom gets here on Saturday to help for a whole week! I cannot wait, soon I will have a clean house:) So, if you ever wanted to stop by my house, do it within two weeks of my mom leaving, after that I give up on the cleaning:)
I've had so other "stuff" going on too the past couple of weeks and I has been tough on me. It was "perfect storm" and boy it isn't working for me! Maybe after surgery and my big birthday next week- I will get moving in the right direction!!!
My in-laws arrive on Thursday to help with the kids while I am in surgery and then my mom gets here on Saturday to help for a whole week! I cannot wait, soon I will have a clean house:) So, if you ever wanted to stop by my house, do it within two weeks of my mom leaving, after that I give up on the cleaning:)
I've had so other "stuff" going on too the past couple of weeks and I has been tough on me. It was "perfect storm" and boy it isn't working for me! Maybe after surgery and my big birthday next week- I will get moving in the right direction!!!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Humm...
It might be that having a month to "prepare" for the gall bladder removal is not the best thing! It is a month to stress and re-stress over all that could, but I know will not, go wrong! A month of wondering all the "what-ifs" and not living the next month! The worst part about all this is that I have met some people that have had the "bad" experiences and they are not that bad! And I will be fine. My surgical history indicates no problems and I have had 3 babies with little trouble. So, why you ask do I worry? I worry because I do. The harder I try not to, the more I do. The angrier I get at my self for worrying,I worry more! I fear it is going to be a very long month involving a lot of xanax!
Then the month will be over and my gall bladder will be removed and I will feel GREAT! Except I will then be stressed over the fact that I spent the previous month stressing! Oh a viscous cycle in my life! I need Susan Powder to "STOP THE INSANITY"!
Good Night!
Then the month will be over and my gall bladder will be removed and I will feel GREAT! Except I will then be stressed over the fact that I spent the previous month stressing! Oh a viscous cycle in my life! I need Susan Powder to "STOP THE INSANITY"!
Good Night!
WOW!
I love cliches. I have always enjoyed them, but as I get older I enjoy them more, and I enjoy them most when I first realize how they can to be. I don't mean just understanding it, but living the experience of the cliche. You know, the first time you really see into someone's "perfect" life and the "Grass Isn't Greener". Today I had one of those days and to say "Those in Glass House..." is an understatement. WOW! is all I can bring myself to say. I wonder though, do people say things more to convince others or themselves?
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Finally...
After almost 8 years of suffering, I am finally taking the steps to have my gallbladder removed. My ultra-sound revealed "several significantly sized" gall stones, so tomorrow I am meeting with a surgeon. The surgeon I am seeing tomorrow is the same doctor that operated on Declan when he was a baby, and if I trusted him with my 1 month old, I think I can trust him with my gall bladder.
I will keep you posted!
I will keep you posted!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Feeling Good, well Better :)
I know you were all concerned, so I am happy to report that I am feeling better. My meds are back in me and working, no more PMS and are tax return should be here soon. The situation with Killi is moving along and I am almost ready to commit to making changes in my life.
Husband's hours are not getting any better at work, but with the sun setting later it doesn't seem so awful having to feed, shower and tuck-in the kids all alone.
Tomorrow I will have lunch with a friend of mine that has had a much tougher go-of-it than I, a few years ago she was diagnosed with throat cancer and lost her voice-box through treatment. I don't see her as often as I'd like, mostly because life gets busy, but also because I have some guilt when I do see her. Guilt because she is always so up-beat and loving when I see her and guilt that I am healthy(knock wood). It does help me put my life back in perspective; and boy do I have a good life!
Husband's hours are not getting any better at work, but with the sun setting later it doesn't seem so awful having to feed, shower and tuck-in the kids all alone.
Tomorrow I will have lunch with a friend of mine that has had a much tougher go-of-it than I, a few years ago she was diagnosed with throat cancer and lost her voice-box through treatment. I don't see her as often as I'd like, mostly because life gets busy, but also because I have some guilt when I do see her. Guilt because she is always so up-beat and loving when I see her and guilt that I am healthy(knock wood). It does help me put my life back in perspective; and boy do I have a good life!
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Perfect Storm
To recap for anyone just joining, I am a 33 year old mother of three that suffers from anxiety and depression. My days range from good to really bad and sometimes there is a reason and sometimes there is not. I take medication daily to try to remain balanced and have "extra" meds for the days things are really bad. I have been better for the the past couple of years(not to say that times have always been good:)but things have not gotten too bad in awhile.
This week however the "Perfect Storm" has occurred in my world of stress and anxiety. First, my husband has been working an insane amount of hours leaving me to tend to the monsters alone from sun up to sun down. Second, we have been forced to deal with the(incompetent) school the past few weeks for Killi. Third, I am awaiting my tax return and payday so I am stressed about money(because really, I could have an endless supply and still stress). Fourth, i am falling behind in house and school work. Fifth, I ran out of Lexapro 3 days ago and when I tried to pick it up it was $50, WTF!!! And the cherry-on-to was PMS! Rarely am I (un)lucky enough to create such a "Perfect Storm".
Because of all this, the sound of the monsters voices is driving me nuts! Them touching me is making my skin crawl. Avoiding Ben is all that is stopping me from yelling at him and trying to formulate a productive plan is unfathomable. If I could sit in bed, eat chocolate and cry all day I would. I keep pushing things off hoping they will not be waiting for me tomorrow, but they are and I still can not figure out how to deal with them. Logically I know I just need to switch the laundry, but I cannot make my body get there, there are too many other thoughts in the way!
I hope with my meds back and Friday coming that I can convince myself that this stress in irrational and get back on track. Hoping is all I have the ability to do right now!
This week however the "Perfect Storm" has occurred in my world of stress and anxiety. First, my husband has been working an insane amount of hours leaving me to tend to the monsters alone from sun up to sun down. Second, we have been forced to deal with the(incompetent) school the past few weeks for Killi. Third, I am awaiting my tax return and payday so I am stressed about money(because really, I could have an endless supply and still stress). Fourth, i am falling behind in house and school work. Fifth, I ran out of Lexapro 3 days ago and when I tried to pick it up it was $50, WTF!!! And the cherry-on-to was PMS! Rarely am I (un)lucky enough to create such a "Perfect Storm".
Because of all this, the sound of the monsters voices is driving me nuts! Them touching me is making my skin crawl. Avoiding Ben is all that is stopping me from yelling at him and trying to formulate a productive plan is unfathomable. If I could sit in bed, eat chocolate and cry all day I would. I keep pushing things off hoping they will not be waiting for me tomorrow, but they are and I still can not figure out how to deal with them. Logically I know I just need to switch the laundry, but I cannot make my body get there, there are too many other thoughts in the way!
I hope with my meds back and Friday coming that I can convince myself that this stress in irrational and get back on track. Hoping is all I have the ability to do right now!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
50 Random Things
1. I have serious social anxiety issues
2. I am insecure, especially as a with and mother
3. I am a hypochondriac
4. I love my kids with all my heart
5. My family is the source of both my greatest joy and sadness
6. I am very giving
7. I am not trusting
8. I have few "friends" but lots of aquantinces
9. I am an incredibly good judge of character
10. I love to people watch
11. I hate the movies
12. My husband makes me laugh
13. I still take to my first "best friend"
14. I wouldn't change a thing about my past
15. I want to live forever
16. I wish my kids would never more more than a block away from me
17. I order chicken well-done at resturants
18. I am lazy
19. I hate to food shop
20. I love the beach
21. I hope to never have to work again
22. I knew what I wanted out of life when I was 5 and got it
23. I struggle with religion
25. My in-laws are not among my favorite people
26. I want to move to a hut on the beach
27. Fresh-air is awsome
28. Bureaucracy sucks, even though it pays my bills
29. I have never voted for a democrate
30. Personal property tax is a rip-off
31. PMS sucks for everyone
32. Jeff Gordon is my favorite Nascar driver
33. I believe women are stronger than men
34. I am not a bigot
35. I love music
36. Baseball is awesome
37. Summer is my favorite season
38. I fight authority
39. I love to learn
40. I suffer from depression
41. I want to go to Prague
42. I never want to go to Paris
43. I hate to gamble
44. I love human contact
45. I color my hair
46. I hate pants with buttons
47. Yellow cake with chocolate frosting is my favorite
48. I don't really miss living in NJ, just the food
49. I've had dinner at the White House
50. I am a dork
2. I am insecure, especially as a with and mother
3. I am a hypochondriac
4. I love my kids with all my heart
5. My family is the source of both my greatest joy and sadness
6. I am very giving
7. I am not trusting
8. I have few "friends" but lots of aquantinces
9. I am an incredibly good judge of character
10. I love to people watch
11. I hate the movies
12. My husband makes me laugh
13. I still take to my first "best friend"
14. I wouldn't change a thing about my past
15. I want to live forever
16. I wish my kids would never more more than a block away from me
17. I order chicken well-done at resturants
18. I am lazy
19. I hate to food shop
20. I love the beach
21. I hope to never have to work again
22. I knew what I wanted out of life when I was 5 and got it
23. I struggle with religion
25. My in-laws are not among my favorite people
26. I want to move to a hut on the beach
27. Fresh-air is awsome
28. Bureaucracy sucks, even though it pays my bills
29. I have never voted for a democrate
30. Personal property tax is a rip-off
31. PMS sucks for everyone
32. Jeff Gordon is my favorite Nascar driver
33. I believe women are stronger than men
34. I am not a bigot
35. I love music
36. Baseball is awesome
37. Summer is my favorite season
38. I fight authority
39. I love to learn
40. I suffer from depression
41. I want to go to Prague
42. I never want to go to Paris
43. I hate to gamble
44. I love human contact
45. I color my hair
46. I hate pants with buttons
47. Yellow cake with chocolate frosting is my favorite
48. I don't really miss living in NJ, just the food
49. I've had dinner at the White House
50. I am a dork
Thursday, January 29, 2009
I am completely addicted to Facebook. There is no point in denying it, it is obvious to anyone that is my friend there. I am on all the time!
One of the things I am enjoying most is reconnecting with my childhood friends. Especially those ones I've had since grammar school. Some of them I haven't seen or spoken to in 20+ years, but we've picked up as if we haven't missed a day. I imagine that is what it is/was like if everyone stayed in town they grew up in only to leave for college. But now, some many of us have moved away that we would never just run in to one another in town, but we can on FB:) It is fun to see everyone grown-up with families and jobs, roles I would have never seen.
I also enjoy the friendly banter between my "every day friends", because sometimes the phone is hard with spouses and kids:)
And my family, FB gives my brother, sister and I yet another venue to harass each other in:)
The only bad thing I can say about FB is that I wish it had been my idea so I could reap some financial benefits to my endless hours on there:)
One of the things I am enjoying most is reconnecting with my childhood friends. Especially those ones I've had since grammar school. Some of them I haven't seen or spoken to in 20+ years, but we've picked up as if we haven't missed a day. I imagine that is what it is/was like if everyone stayed in town they grew up in only to leave for college. But now, some many of us have moved away that we would never just run in to one another in town, but we can on FB:) It is fun to see everyone grown-up with families and jobs, roles I would have never seen.
I also enjoy the friendly banter between my "every day friends", because sometimes the phone is hard with spouses and kids:)
And my family, FB gives my brother, sister and I yet another venue to harass each other in:)
The only bad thing I can say about FB is that I wish it had been my idea so I could reap some financial benefits to my endless hours on there:)
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Thanks Blogger!
I have been blogging for just over a year now and it has been amazing. I never imagined all the "friends" I would meet through blogger and all the support I would receive everyday for whatever is going on in my life.
The stories I have followed have touched my heart, some with happy endings some not, but all stories of real people. People that would never have been brought together without blogging.
The generosity of people is unbelievable too. I knew people could be generous, but to see so much of it between people who are only "virtual" friends is awesome. I really love it and it makes me happy.
Thank you all for making Blogger such and awesome place and for sharing your lives with me!
The stories I have followed have touched my heart, some with happy endings some not, but all stories of real people. People that would never have been brought together without blogging.
The generosity of people is unbelievable too. I knew people could be generous, but to see so much of it between people who are only "virtual" friends is awesome. I really love it and it makes me happy.
Thank you all for making Blogger such and awesome place and for sharing your lives with me!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Not Liking The Change
I have spent the past week growing more and more concerned with the conservative cause. By nature I am moderately conservative, but more libertarian and that has not changed. What has me upset and angry is that in less than a week, the New President or should I call him the second coming, has push two insane policies with Nancy Pelosi pushing a third.
The policies in question are federal funding for abortion and "the fairness act". On the abortion issue, my only problem is the federal funding, I am not against abortion as a choice. I am opposed to my tax dollars being spent on what I see as an elective procedure. By all means, if you would like to make that choice, I support you. This annoys me on two fronts, one the funding issue and two, many of these people approving federal funding for abortion are the same people who oppose the death penalty. I just don't understand how you justify one as murder and not the other. Yes, I know many conservatives are against abortion and for the death penalty and they are no more right. For me, no matter how you put it, federal funds for abortions is wrong- it is like giving federal funding fro a boob-job.
Next issue I have is the new "fairness" act that will affect mainly talk-radio which has it's highest rated shows hosted by conservative hosts. This "fairness" act would have these shows change what they were saying in the interest of being "fair" and put out both sides. Um....censorship, WTF. I think it is interesting that news papers, and "news" outlets will not be affected. Seriously, even Leno suggested that President Obama would be holding a party at his headquarters CNN. I am in no way for censorship. I am finding the entire notion of this disgusting and Americans should be ashamed of their leaders for even attempting this.
Now lastly, Nancy Pelosi. Offering contraceptives is going to stimulate the economy? I really don't even know how to approach this one, but to say, Get Out Of Our Bedrooms and find a real solution to our problems.
To be fair, I did not vote for President Obama, I voted for Barr/Root.
The policies in question are federal funding for abortion and "the fairness act". On the abortion issue, my only problem is the federal funding, I am not against abortion as a choice. I am opposed to my tax dollars being spent on what I see as an elective procedure. By all means, if you would like to make that choice, I support you. This annoys me on two fronts, one the funding issue and two, many of these people approving federal funding for abortion are the same people who oppose the death penalty. I just don't understand how you justify one as murder and not the other. Yes, I know many conservatives are against abortion and for the death penalty and they are no more right. For me, no matter how you put it, federal funds for abortions is wrong- it is like giving federal funding fro a boob-job.
Next issue I have is the new "fairness" act that will affect mainly talk-radio which has it's highest rated shows hosted by conservative hosts. This "fairness" act would have these shows change what they were saying in the interest of being "fair" and put out both sides. Um....censorship, WTF. I think it is interesting that news papers, and "news" outlets will not be affected. Seriously, even Leno suggested that President Obama would be holding a party at his headquarters CNN. I am in no way for censorship. I am finding the entire notion of this disgusting and Americans should be ashamed of their leaders for even attempting this.
Now lastly, Nancy Pelosi. Offering contraceptives is going to stimulate the economy? I really don't even know how to approach this one, but to say, Get Out Of Our Bedrooms and find a real solution to our problems.
To be fair, I did not vote for President Obama, I voted for Barr/Root.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
To Be A Nobody...
I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
- Emily Dickinson
This has always been my favorite poem and Dickinson my favorite poet and today, I wished to be a nobody.
I have had a few blah days that socially have been disastrous. Normally I am fine in social situations, but today I was not even able to carry on a normal(and I use that term loosely on myself:) conversation with my mother or sister. There are uncomfortable pauses and me talking out of place. Going out has been a nightmare! Today, after an awkward lunch at Carlos where I knew everyone, I ran into some acquaintances at Target and had to start the conversation off with," please forgive me, I am having really bizarre social issues the past few days". To which of course, they laughed their asses-off and insisted I recap all the goofy things I have done the past few days. They laughed, I laughed too being thankful to share all the ridiculous ways I had made an ass of myself. They shared too, embarrassing social situations of their own and I felt better for awhile.
I get into funks in the winter and no matter how much preparation I do, I always end up this way. The topper this year has been Husband's new gig at work. He leaves too early and gets in too late and I am having trouble adjusting to the new times. Because while I claim to DETEST schedules, I live for routine:) And now it will take me a month or so to adjust and just as I do, it will change again! Hopefully by that time I will have more daylight hours! A friend on facebook has started a countdown to Spring for us, and I love her for it- Not too much longer and my FUNK will be gone and I will smile again:) The social awkwardness however will come and go periodically as it always has.
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
- Emily Dickinson
This has always been my favorite poem and Dickinson my favorite poet and today, I wished to be a nobody.
I have had a few blah days that socially have been disastrous. Normally I am fine in social situations, but today I was not even able to carry on a normal(and I use that term loosely on myself:) conversation with my mother or sister. There are uncomfortable pauses and me talking out of place. Going out has been a nightmare! Today, after an awkward lunch at Carlos where I knew everyone, I ran into some acquaintances at Target and had to start the conversation off with," please forgive me, I am having really bizarre social issues the past few days". To which of course, they laughed their asses-off and insisted I recap all the goofy things I have done the past few days. They laughed, I laughed too being thankful to share all the ridiculous ways I had made an ass of myself. They shared too, embarrassing social situations of their own and I felt better for awhile.
I get into funks in the winter and no matter how much preparation I do, I always end up this way. The topper this year has been Husband's new gig at work. He leaves too early and gets in too late and I am having trouble adjusting to the new times. Because while I claim to DETEST schedules, I live for routine:) And now it will take me a month or so to adjust and just as I do, it will change again! Hopefully by that time I will have more daylight hours! A friend on facebook has started a countdown to Spring for us, and I love her for it- Not too much longer and my FUNK will be gone and I will smile again:) The social awkwardness however will come and go periodically as it always has.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Good Bye, People...Now lets moving
Well, the people are mostly gone and now we are just back to our regular(terrible) traffic. We(my family) watched the swearing in on TV yesterday and most of the other events of the day. It is one of my favorite events as an American. I am so proud of the United States when I see the change of power go so smoothly. Democracy at its best! I cannot see what the first 100 days brings.
Now, on to the trivial bull-sh*t that consumes my daily life.
The good- My new furniture will be delivered tomorrow morning! I am very excited as we are down to a broken couch to share for seating in the living room:) I also found curtains, switch plates, lamps and a TV stand to almost complete the room(I think I need 1 end table). In the kitchen, that was also painted, I got some new dishes, they match the paint:)
The bad- Husband and I have not been on the same page as of late and his "reading-between-the-lines" skills have not been up to par. Tonight, he called as he was leaving work to let me know he was on the way(Declan had Boy Scouts and Husband does that:) so, I said to him that I had fed the kids and we would eat after the meeting. Well, in my world the means, I don't have a dinner plan for us so think about it on the way home and let me know - In his mind that meant, great she will figure out dinner and have it ready after the meeting. Needless to say, when 8 o'clock rolled around and my boys were walking in from their meeting, husband was NOT happy that no dinner was planned. I can understand why he was a bit annoyed, I mean leaving the house at 5:45am and walking in at 8pm could make you hungry and grouchy. So I apologized for the misunderstanding and threw a frozen pizza in the oven and a bowl of salad on the table and we called it dinner. All was good in the end, but the lesson I learned- be clear with my husband, he is not a mind-reader(thank goodness:)
Now, on to the trivial bull-sh*t that consumes my daily life.
The good- My new furniture will be delivered tomorrow morning! I am very excited as we are down to a broken couch to share for seating in the living room:) I also found curtains, switch plates, lamps and a TV stand to almost complete the room(I think I need 1 end table). In the kitchen, that was also painted, I got some new dishes, they match the paint:)
The bad- Husband and I have not been on the same page as of late and his "reading-between-the-lines" skills have not been up to par. Tonight, he called as he was leaving work to let me know he was on the way(Declan had Boy Scouts and Husband does that:) so, I said to him that I had fed the kids and we would eat after the meeting. Well, in my world the means, I don't have a dinner plan for us so think about it on the way home and let me know - In his mind that meant, great she will figure out dinner and have it ready after the meeting. Needless to say, when 8 o'clock rolled around and my boys were walking in from their meeting, husband was NOT happy that no dinner was planned. I can understand why he was a bit annoyed, I mean leaving the house at 5:45am and walking in at 8pm could make you hungry and grouchy. So I apologized for the misunderstanding and threw a frozen pizza in the oven and a bowl of salad on the table and we called it dinner. All was good in the end, but the lesson I learned- be clear with my husband, he is not a mind-reader(thank goodness:)
Monday, January 19, 2009
GO HOME!!!!
I made no secret of the fact that I did not vote for Sen. Obama for president, but once he was elected, I accepted that and moved on. I moved on and am hopeful that all the Dreams he promised will come true. I am looking forward to seeing a young family in the White House and I think Mrs. Obama will be a very exciting First Lady.
Now, with all that love written, I cannot wait for this ridiculous inauguration to be over! I want my city back! I want all of these people gone! It is the middle of winter, the city is supposed to be empty and available for local use, with no lines or crowds:) Traffic is one(and maybe the biggest) problems we have around here and this "event" has been causing and will continue to cause traffic nightmares! On Tuesday morning, at 2am ALL of the bridges form VA to DC will be closed, loads of streets downtown will be shut down, a mess I tell you! Thousands of law enforcement officials from across the country are here to help, and I thank them and hope they brought warm clothes:) On I95, there are just buses and buses full of people coming to town! I want them to all go home, I am done!
All this may just be bitterness because my chosen candidate lost, but still I want them gone! I want them gone and my Husband and children back to school!
Now, with all that love written, I cannot wait for this ridiculous inauguration to be over! I want my city back! I want all of these people gone! It is the middle of winter, the city is supposed to be empty and available for local use, with no lines or crowds:) Traffic is one(and maybe the biggest) problems we have around here and this "event" has been causing and will continue to cause traffic nightmares! On Tuesday morning, at 2am ALL of the bridges form VA to DC will be closed, loads of streets downtown will be shut down, a mess I tell you! Thousands of law enforcement officials from across the country are here to help, and I thank them and hope they brought warm clothes:) On I95, there are just buses and buses full of people coming to town! I want them to all go home, I am done!
All this may just be bitterness because my chosen candidate lost, but still I want them gone! I want them gone and my Husband and children back to school!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Because Sometimes He's Awesome...
After working 50+ hours this week and commuting another 10+, my husband spent the day furniture shopping with me and never complained once about it! Oh, he also pushed through about three loads of laundry! I'm not sure what's gonna happen next but usually the bottom "falls-out" and things turn ugly. I know that will be the case around here if the Steelers don't win tomorrow:) Until then I will enjoy the help!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
So Much To Do, So Little Time
Where are the hours going? I go to bed each night with an idea for the day ahead and it seems that when I go to bed the following night I have the things from the previous day's list and lots of all new things to add. Everything is taking longer than it was supposed to, the kids aren't sleeping well so they are tired, Husband has been working very, very long hours(for this I am not complaining, I am happy he has a job to work late at) I am just having to work later too:)
I feel like I am running all over town dropping off and picking up kids- hours I waste. I need a vacation! The weather is crazy! It was 28 degrees today and today was to be the warmest day until Saturday or Sunday! Nobody wants to leave the house, which is not making me eager to jump out of bed. There is hope in sight! The girls and I were able to score some decent fares for flights to Florida at the end of the month. It won't be a long trip, but 5 days of warm and sun will last awhile!
In the meantime I will try to entertain my family for our long weekend together(as an added benefit to living in the DC metro area the husband and kids have Tuesday off:) and stay warm! We thought about heading out-of-town, but with the AFC Championship Game on Sunday, and the Steelers playing in it, we will just stay here! Maybe a day-trip if we thaw alittle on Monday:) Perhaps we can get the painting done and furniture bought too!!!
Before I leave, I would like to ask you, if you don't already to so, send some happy thoughts to two of my Blogging Buddies,you can find their stories here and here, both of these gals have had a crappy start to 2009! They could use some sunshine and happiness!
I feel like I am running all over town dropping off and picking up kids- hours I waste. I need a vacation! The weather is crazy! It was 28 degrees today and today was to be the warmest day until Saturday or Sunday! Nobody wants to leave the house, which is not making me eager to jump out of bed. There is hope in sight! The girls and I were able to score some decent fares for flights to Florida at the end of the month. It won't be a long trip, but 5 days of warm and sun will last awhile!
In the meantime I will try to entertain my family for our long weekend together(as an added benefit to living in the DC metro area the husband and kids have Tuesday off:) and stay warm! We thought about heading out-of-town, but with the AFC Championship Game on Sunday, and the Steelers playing in it, we will just stay here! Maybe a day-trip if we thaw alittle on Monday:) Perhaps we can get the painting done and furniture bought too!!!
Before I leave, I would like to ask you, if you don't already to so, send some happy thoughts to two of my Blogging Buddies,you can find their stories here and here, both of these gals have had a crappy start to 2009! They could use some sunshine and happiness!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Me! Me! Me!
I bet you are wondering WHY it is 7:30am on Saturday morning and I am up blogging. The reason is that husband has decided he is going to be a big selfish jerk!!! The past few days have not been "good" here. We are not on the same page, so everything has become a snippy comment. My annoyance stems from his inability to see past the end of his own nose! He truly has been worse and more self-centered than the kids. I am just not sure when it was that I turned-in my right do anything I wanted to ever! Since getting married and having children I have always put my families "needs" before mine and most of the time their "wants" too, but ever once-in-awhile I choose to do something that I want(and usually doing it means dragging a kid or three along). The problem with that is there is always a problem with what I want to do, it isn't the right time, or place, any other reason my family can come up with to complain about doing it!
I know that this too will pass, but the next few days are not going to be full of smiles and fun between Husband and I!
I know that this too will pass, but the next few days are not going to be full of smiles and fun between Husband and I!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Pissed Off
I have mentioned before and I am sure I will again, how much I dislike my MIL. Today is no different. Last night we learned that my SIL is expecting her first child(we are very happy for then; although neither of them likes children:) Cut to how the MIL is involved, she is on the phone with Husband right now lamenting about how hard it is going to be for them to have a child blah,blah,blah....Whatever! It is an adjustment for anyone when they become a parent. And lots of Moms have to work full time. My sister gave birth(C-section) on Feb.1st and had to go back to work March 10th. Yes, I was lucky not to have to head-back to full time work, instead my husband was on a plane and traveling by the time my kid was 3 weeks old!!!! And then when I got pregnant with my daughter(My son was 5 months old) I saw my husband for about 30 days from Easter to Election Day- the baby was born Dec.18th!!!!!
I am sorry, but the pity party is not going to fly here!
I am sorry, but the pity party is not going to fly here!
Friday, January 2, 2009
A Look Back & Ahead
I found this on Becky's blog and thought it looked fun-
1. What did you do in 2008 that you had never done before? I am trying to keep this blog PG-13, so no comment:)
2. Did you keep your previous New Year's resolutions, and will you make new ones for next year? Um...not even close and the only one I made this year was not to make any:)
3. Did anyone you know give birth? yes.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thank goodness
5. What countries did you visit? None, stayed in the US all year
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? patience, time, more money
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Sept.2, because I sent two of my babies off to full-day school
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finishing college
9. Did you suffer from illness or injury? Not really, pneumonia twice, but nothing seriuos
10. What was the best thing you bought? our new car with the DVD player
11. Did your behavior change over the year? Unfortunately not:)
12. Where did most of your money go? BILLS!
13. What did you get really excited about? our trips to OBX, with family and friends
Compared to this time last year, are you:
1. Richer or poorer? about the same
2. Did you fall in love? yes, with my new niece
3. What was your favorite TV program? Swingtown
4. What was the best book you read? The latest Johanna Lindsey
5. What was your favorite film of the year? Not really a new movie watcher
6. Thinner or fatter? about the same
7. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 33 and I had dinner at home with my husband and kids
8. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? all three of the monsters going to school
9. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? MOM
10. What kept you sane? my telephone and computer:)
11. What political issue stirred you the most? The Presidential Election
12. Who was the best new person you met? Gracie
13. What is a valuable lesson you learned in 2008? That it is possible to love your family more and more each year
1. What did you do in 2008 that you had never done before? I am trying to keep this blog PG-13, so no comment:)
2. Did you keep your previous New Year's resolutions, and will you make new ones for next year? Um...not even close and the only one I made this year was not to make any:)
3. Did anyone you know give birth? yes.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thank goodness
5. What countries did you visit? None, stayed in the US all year
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? patience, time, more money
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Sept.2, because I sent two of my babies off to full-day school
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finishing college
9. Did you suffer from illness or injury? Not really, pneumonia twice, but nothing seriuos
10. What was the best thing you bought? our new car with the DVD player
11. Did your behavior change over the year? Unfortunately not:)
12. Where did most of your money go? BILLS!
13. What did you get really excited about? our trips to OBX, with family and friends
Compared to this time last year, are you:
1. Richer or poorer? about the same
2. Did you fall in love? yes, with my new niece
3. What was your favorite TV program? Swingtown
4. What was the best book you read? The latest Johanna Lindsey
5. What was your favorite film of the year? Not really a new movie watcher
6. Thinner or fatter? about the same
7. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 33 and I had dinner at home with my husband and kids
8. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? all three of the monsters going to school
9. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? MOM
10. What kept you sane? my telephone and computer:)
11. What political issue stirred you the most? The Presidential Election
12. Who was the best new person you met? Gracie
13. What is a valuable lesson you learned in 2008? That it is possible to love your family more and more each year
Thursday, January 1, 2009
A New Year...Welcome 2009
I read an article yesterday about Happiness. The premise was that the reason so many people feel "unhappy" is because the term "happiness" is too difficult to define and then obtain that what we should really desire is satisfaction. Satisfaction is more easily defined and therefore easier to achieve.
I though a great deal about this after I read the article and have decided that I am going to give it a try. I am going to strive for satisfaction in the New Year. To redefine my goals to achieve satisfaction and not happiness, I am hoping will bring more inter-peace and a much more balanced "ME", One that finds more enjoyment in life.
Satisfaction is my word for the year and maybe the years to come:)
Enjoy 2009!
I though a great deal about this after I read the article and have decided that I am going to give it a try. I am going to strive for satisfaction in the New Year. To redefine my goals to achieve satisfaction and not happiness, I am hoping will bring more inter-peace and a much more balanced "ME", One that finds more enjoyment in life.
Satisfaction is my word for the year and maybe the years to come:)
Enjoy 2009!
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