Happy Christmas is OVER!

All of our decorations are put away and there are almost no traces of Christmas left at our house and I could not be happier! To say that I am not a fan of the holiday would be a complete understatement, because I HATE IT! At dinner tonight I told my family that we are no longer celebrating until one of them can give me a good reason as to why we should. They of course tried the "Jesus' Birthday" thing, but as it is NOT remotely the time of year in which he was born that does not fly with me, especially since they are not REALLY willing to go with that and ditch Santa/gifts. Next they pulled out the "family card", but that one crashed pretty quickly too since I have convinced them all that having to use our vacation time & money to go visit family at their homes in not fun:) They now agree that holidays, if spent with family, should be at a "neutral" location with a beach:) Hint: family, we are saving money for a Christmas Beach Trip next year, you should start saving too because we would love to have you with us:)

With all of that said, I am not willing to end the monsters winter break, that I am LOVING! I would be happy to keep them and the husband home all the time, especially with the weather warming so that we can go out and play. Tomorrow we will play with friends and maybe we will get downtown later in the week! Friday they say the temps will be in the mid 50's!!!! I cannot wait!

Maybe there is something I am missing about Christmas and if so I will hopefully figure it out soon. If not, I will be looking for a way to put an "Emily" Twist on this Christmas thing:)

A New Year is Coming and I Want to Jump In!

I feel a bit like the last year, maybe year and a half have been filled with incredible growth for me. Spiritual growth, relationship growth, educational growth all of which have been positive for me and the people in my life. The thing is that I am now seeing the glaringly lack of growth, maybe even regression in other areas. That said, I have spent sometime really thinking about my "New Year's Resolution" this year. What I have come up with are a few ideas; some that I know I will be able to resolve, a few that will be more difficult, but still manageable and 1 or 2 tough goals that may take more than a year to resolve, they may take a lifetime, but if I never throw them out there I will never try. And really, what fun is failing if you have done so by never trying:)

For my attainable goals I am committing to exercise regularly and parent differently. I would like to make exercise a daily activity. It could be in the form of walking on the treadmill, playing with the kids or a family outing, just something to get me moving. On the parenting front, I would like to yell less and listen more.

My next, and slightly more difficult goals, are to change my family's eating habits and manage my time more efficiently. In January I plan to see a nutritionist to consult on how to change what we have in our house into the healthiest choices that we can live with:) Time management has been on my list of "life changes" and "resolutions" for what seems to be my entire adult life. I think my entire life would Ying&Yang better with some management. Here's to hoping I can do it because getting that down will help with my next goal which is to finish my Masters.

In my "tough to do" area I would like to learn to live in the moment and enjoy life. Don't misunderstand, I think I have a pretty good life and I am happy, but I do let things that I have NO control over consume me and take away from what matters like my husband and monsters, my relatives and friends and myself. So, no matter how many times I fall-off the wagon, I am going to keeping getting up and reminding myself what really matters and focus on that.

I know I will be able to make some of these changes and I know they will improve my life, but boy it would be great to knock them all out in the first quarter and NEVER fall-off the wagon:) Wish me luck, I am gonna need it!

I am becoming one of them!!!!

With the addition of Pepe to our family 3 weeks ago, I have moved into "Crazy Dog Lady" category. You see, we have had Gus, our Newfie and the worlds BEST DOG for about 5 years now. He is BIG about 130lbs and taller than me when he stands. That said, there is only so much dressing up and taking out I can do with Gus. Well, that has changed with Pepe. He is all of about 5 lbs and will top out around 14lbs, so him I can dress-up:)

Now let me be clear, Pepe was a birthday gift for my sweet Killi, but I am home with him all day and the monsters are having alittle trouble switching from GIANT NEWF to tiny havanese. So, of course I have had to make it my duty to be Pepe's protector and master, just until he gets more comfortable around here, then I will certainly turn him back over to Killi;-)

Anyway, Pepe is not thick coated like Gus and therefore needs a sweater or jacket to go out in the cold. He has a few sweaters/shirts he got as gifts and I of course could not resist buying a few more. But, not wanting to leave Gussy out, I found these matches for them:





I know,I a crazy and my pups look insane, but I am having fun dressing them up and they are being VERY good sports about letting me:)

Donovan McNabb

In the interest of full disclosure I will admit that I am not a fan of Mike Shanahan, but WTF is going on with the Redskins??? Not only has Shanahan decided to bench McNabb for the remainder of the season, he has place him as the 3rd/emergency QB for Sunday's Game. Seriously? If you are going to bench this guy why in God's name did you trade for him? I know the argument was often made in Philly that McNabb couldn't close the deal, but he was a consistent and serviceable; then all of the sudden he comes to DC (and a Redskins team that BITES!!!) and he gets benched? It could not possibly be the complete lack of an offensive line that has made him look awful this season. I mean I watched Jason Campbell play in OAK a few times this season and he looked almost decent. Maybe it's not the QB, but the line and/or the coach.

It's good. Daniel Snyder gets smacked in the face AGAIN! Draft picks for a benched QB and millions of dollars blown on Albert Haynesworth, another GREAT SEASON with Daniel Snyder running the show. This guy makes Jerry Jones look like he knows what he is doing!

I cannot wait to watch this weeks game to see the GREAT Rex Grossman show his QB skills. I am not a Redskins fan, but for the past 15 years they have been my home-town-team and while I root against them, I do follow what's going on and since Daniel Snyder bought this Team he has made them a complete laughing stock and this season has been no different.

So, Good Luck behind the WORST OFFENSIVE LINE IN THE NFL Rex Grossman and Daniel Snyder and Mike Shanahan, I wish the two of you could get a few plays behind that line:)

Snow Day!!!!!

The monsters were off from school today as the threat of snow loomed this morning, not a flake had hit the ground at the time:) The snow did start falling not long after the call was made; and then it continued ALL DAY. The kids played outside for awhile, Gus played outside for awhile and Pepe and I baked and cooked. It was a good day.

School is already closed for tomorrow. The neighborhood roads are icy and it is cold so I guess the powers-that-be decided not to wait it out until morning to pull the plug. I can work with that. I am happy to know that I do not need to set my alarm tonight, I can sleep in!

Maybe there will be more snow on Sunday, the weather forecasters cannot commit yet. So, maybe the kids will get back to school before Winter Break, maybe not. I am just hoping that this 3-4 inches of snow we got today is all we will get this year and we do not have to relive our blizzards of last year. I can do 3-4 inches a few times a winter, but I NEVER want to see snow-falls that need to be measured in FEET AGAIN!!!

With our unexpected snow day I baked lots and lots of cookies. It kept me busy and gave the kids an activity when they were not out playing:) And best of all, we have dessert now:)

Below is our Christmas Picture for 2010-



Happy Holidays to All My Blog Friends!

Class Warfare.

I really would like to blog. I have so much on my mind, but I am tired and bitchy and as such I know I should just take some midol & slip into dreamland. So, let me pick just one or two quick thoughts to get out of my head.

The Estate Tax. Class Warfare, I know. Class Warfare against the wealthy. Understand that the likely-hood that I will EVER be in a position that the estate tax will effect me is slim, but I think it is INSANE! How in the world do people think that it is fair that the people with estates over $3.5 million should have to give the United States government 55% of that wealth? Those people have paid taxes on that land, money, business, investment(estate) while they were living, at a rate higher than the majority of us pay, then again in their death the US government(democrats in Congress) feel they deserve more than half of that estate. CRAZY!!!! A 55% TAX RATE???? Which in actuality turns out to be more like 60+% of their estate since they had already paid taxes on it all. I just don't get it.

Overall I am just sick of hearing about "class warfare" and the double standard of that term. It is always "class warfare" when wealthy Americans don't want to pay more in taxes, why is it not "class warfare" when poorer Americans receive an earned-income-tax-credit? It is NOT class warfare, it is capitalism and the American Dream is out there for everyone who wants to try for it. How about people stop crying about all the things the wealthy get and stop looking for a handout. Make your dream! Live It!

Sleep Or Lack Of It.

I am not the best sleeper in the world. I have trouble falling asleep, I sleep with the tv on and all the other things that do not promote healthy sleep habits. Anyway, I never sleep when I am away from my own bed, well not until last week. Last week while we were in Florida I slept wonderfully. I'm talking 8-11 hours every night. And it was good sleep. This was good! It made my trip much more enjoyable for everyone. Because I slept I was calm and patient and happy to spend time with my family ( ya know how sometimes with so many people with so many personalities, it isn't always smooth sailing:). I had fun and I slept.

Since Saturday night, when we got home, I have not slept well. Now, I am sick but this inability to sleep is starting to make me insane. As I sit typing this all I am thinking about are the hours of sleep that I am not going to have, again tonight since I have to get up at 730 to get the monsters off to school. Last night I thought my sleep troubles stemmed from vegging all day Sunday, but today I got up with the monsters after only 3 hrs of sleep, and feeling awful I moved all day. Errands, cleaning, cooking, parenting, lots of stuff! Still I cannot sleep. I have fallen asleep for a total of about 30 mins. I am tired. I feel awful. I want to sleep. My cough hurts. I have to sit up because laying down makes the coughing sooooo bad. My back, ribs and stomach hurt sooooo badly from the coughing I have thought about heading to the ER several times tonight. When I did finally fall asleep around 130, Maggie showed up crying and it took me 2 hrs to get her back down. She is 5 1/2, I should not have to get up with her every night!!!!

Here I now sit at 4 am, panicking about the lack of sleep I am going to get knowing that the alarm will go off at 730 and I have appointments all morning and cannot go back to bed after dropping the monsters at school. This is crazy! The more I stress the less likely sleep is to come, yet worrying about my lack of sleep seems to me the only thought my mind will entertain!

This Time I Will Complete & Publish This Post!

Vacation was better than I had expected. It was great to spend Thanksgiving with my family. The weather was warm & sunny in Florida so we were able to enjoy the awesome pirate themed pools. We enjoyed Dumbo rides and princess dinners in Disney and despite a LONG, SOAKING rain, Sea World was great too. The Shamu Christmas Show was so great!

What is not so great is the cold I brought home with me. I went to Florida just having fought-off one cold and left with another and this one seems worse. The cough is that awful, deep, hurts-do-do-it cough and it brought a runny nose and fever with it:( Maggie & Declan seem to be trying to fight this one off too! I hope they can and I hope I can make it run it's course quickly.

We are getting into Birthday and Christmas mode here, with birthdays this month for both Ben and Killi and even though their birthdays are almost 2 weeks apart, they will be celebrating on the same day, but not together. Ben & Declan will head out to Heinz Field to see the Steelers & Killi has invited the family to join her for a Pony Party and of course it comes together all on the same day. That's okay though, we will have LOTS of cakes and birthday dinners together:)

Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for this year that I am not sure where to start. I guess I will start with my husband and monsters. I am so incredibly grateful to have a husband that loves and respects me and monsters that do the same. I am thankful for their health and for all the comforts we have in our lives. I am thankful that my father continues to successfully battle lung cancer. I am thankful for my brother and sister and their families. Thankful for my parents love and support. I am also thankful for my in-laws, that they are so much a part of our lives. I am thankful that my SIL, after a year of health scares and struggles is with us and healthy.

I am thankful for the friends that I have that everyday help and support me, without them I would find it hard to be thankful for anything sometimes:) I am thankful for all of the new friends that have entered my life this year and thankful for the strenghth to walk away from toxic situations.

I am thankful for all of the opportunities I have been given and the ability to experience them. To free speech and free choice, I am thankful for all those who make it possible.

Happy Thanksgiving to All!!!!

Not The Post I Had Planned.

I have started this post several times today and each time something interrupted me. The monsters, the phone, housework just stuff, normal everyday stuff. I wanted to post about my bitchy-PMSing annoyances with the world. How nobody understands how "hard" my life is and nobody could possibly understand me. Then, my phone rang and on the other end were those people who don't know me, you remember the same ones that could not possibly understand or relate to me. Along with the phone calls came texts and instant messages from some more of those people that don't know or understand me. I wish I could say that these calls were all just to remind me how wonderful I am and how lucky I am to have good friends here and that everyone understands how "hard" my life really is, but I cannot. The calls, texts and instant messages were all to tell me that a dear book club buddy of mine need my thoughts and prayers.

My friend Vicky and her family are dealing with some serious complications with the newest member of their family, who yesterday made an emergency entrance into this world. Upon hearing this news I was immediately brought back from my bithcy-PMSing state and into reality, where I was reminded that people not always agreeing with you does not mean they do not love you or are not your friends, people questioning how/why you do things, does not mean they think you are stupid or wrong. All this means is that you are connected to people, they are part of your life, and that they care enough to understand why/what makes your life so hard so that they can understand you and my life really is GOOD.

Now, at I sit here at 2am wondering how/why I wasted anytime wallowing in self-pity when there are people in my life, people that I call friends, that really do need my thoughts right now. So Lisa, Maureen, Sarah & even Laura, thank you for being in my life and understanding me. You reminded me that I am not alone and at the same time reminded me that their are people who could use my focus. Here's to stepping outside yourself and into the world!!!!

And, if you have read this far into the post and have some good thoughts and prayers you could send to my friend Vicky and her family, I would not mind at all :)

Yes, I know my life's awesome, but now I want to whine.

More than anything I just want to curl up in bed and stay there for days, maybe weeks. I am tired. I am so over this virus/cold. I am not near ready for the upcoming holidays. Oh how I want my bed!

My husband and kids have had about enough of this whining. They are ready for the house work to resume, dinners to be back on the table and for me to be semi-interested on something/someone other than myself; I'm not.

I have been cold for days! I want the 100 degree summer days back. I want the days of sleeping until 10am, packing lunch and heading to the pool back. I want to be warm!

My ear hurts. My nose is stuffy. I am cold. I am not ready for the holidays.

I want my bed. Maybe I want dinner. Hummm...dinner in bed????

An Unexpectedly Wonderful Day!

We live about 3 hours away from the college my husband attended and for the past 3 football seasons, we have talked about riding out to see a game and finally We Did It!!! With Football over for Declan and no CCD this weekend, Ben and I decided to check the Wesley College Football Schedule for today. What we found was a home game! We started watching the weather and making plans to head to Dover, DE for the day to watch some football and stroll through the campus. By Wednesday the kids were getting excited for this adventure, especially Declan. Every person he spoke to this week heard about his impending trip to see the Wesley Wolverines!

Then all at once I lost my voice, ran a fever and was just sick! Thursday came and went with me whining and feeling worse by the hour. By Friday morning I began preparing the monsters for the possibility of canning the game; there was lots of disappointment and a few tears.

I did not sleep well last night; stuffy, fever, coughing...yuck! When I fell asleep at 4am, I knew there was no way I was getting out of bed, packing lunches and heading to Dover. Then at 7am, Maggie woke me up and I felt slightly better than I had when I went to sleep, so I got up, showered and packed lunches and everyone else followed. At 10am we were on our way to Dover! I was not expecting much from the day. Basically I was hoping to grin and bear it, boy was I wrong! It turned out to be an Unexpectedly Wonderful Day!

The ride to Dover was pleasant. The weather for the game was beautiful. The Wesley Wolverines were awesome to watch and the kids were well behaved. We watched the first half of the game and with Wesley ahead by ALOT, we decided to leave and walk the kids through the campus. They enjoyed it and I got some GREAT pictures of them.

After finishing up on campus, Ben and I decided that we would drive through Dover to see what has changed and then it happened, there was a sign that said "To Beaches". Of course that led to my normal response of "I want to go to the beach" which was quickly followed by Ben's unusual response of "okay, let's go" and off we drove the 45mins from Dover to Rehobeth Beach. We made it to the beach with just enough time to put our toes in the sand before the sunset.

We ended up spending about 30 mins on the beach playing, taking pictures and watching the waves. It was so great! The monsters did not fight while we were on the sand(or I go deaf when I hit the sand) and the world was just good.

It was getting late and everyone was getting hungry and tired so we hit a nice local pub for some dinner, where the food was inhaled by all, ya know how that fresh-air makes you tired and hungry. After dinner we grabbed some ice cream and out of town. And even though the ride from the beach added about an hour to our trip, no one complained. And even though I was starting to feel pretty crummy & tired, I just smiled. And even though my husband had already driven 4 hours and was looking at another 3+ to get home, he was happy. That is what this wonderful day gave us, time together enjoying each other.

I am so happy that the day worked out as it did because most days don't. Most days don't end with everyone happy, having enjoyed the company of their family ALL DAY! Today was an Unexpectedly Wonderful Day, that if planned would never had the same great outcome.

Blogging Because I Cannot Talk.

It has been roughly 60 hours that I have been without a voice. Life is much quieter, much different. I am feeling pretty crummy, sore throat, cough, BAD wheezing, achy and a fever to accompany my loss of voice. Now, normally when I am sick, I enjoy whining to my family and having them take care of me, but with limited communication options, I have not been able to do this.

I find that I am doing alot of snapping to gain the attention of those I want/need. Lucky for the monsters, Ben has been home since I lost my voice so he has been available to do the yelling for me:) Still it is very frustrating, not being able to talk. Especially since I have so much on my mind.

Stepford, where we currently reside, is a society of "civil anarchy" and my patience has just about run out. With no leader and even fewer followers, this place is crazy! I wish I could sneak in and re-wire some of these folks:) Maybe someday I will make it out of here and into a beach house, I'll keep dreaming:)

We have a family vacation planned in a few weeks with my parents, sister, brother and their families. I am excited, but anxious too. I just want to relax and enjoy the vacation, but I am worried that it will be so hard to relax with so many people to consider. I also know that if I just set out my plans and expectations before hand, everyone will be fine with it and it will be good. Where it goes wrong is when I make plans and then all at once decide they are not working for me so I throw a fit and upset everyone:) I am going to try and not do that:)

OMG!!!I WANT my voice back!

Therapy...again:)

Last week I began seeing a therapist, again. Unlike other times I have gone, there was nothing that drove me into therapy, infact it is quite the opposite. I feel like I am in a really good place. Things at home are humming along, my father's cancer is being fought, my brother, brothers-in-laws and sisters-in-law are all living life without much excitement and all that is really good for me, for us. Last year was a tough one for our family, lots of uncertainty which translates to lots of stress for me. Now, life seems calmer, quieter.

It seemed logical for me to start looking for a new therapist, with life calm and manageable:) Yes, I know it sounds funny that I would look now for therapy as I claim my life to be "good", but I do think it is the perfect time. It is the perfect time because I feel that I am finally in a place to learn some stress management techniques and use them:) What I hope is that I will gain a better understanding of myself and find ways to mange my stress and avoid he triggers that I can. In the end, I am hope that this will make me a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt and friend and if not, maybe it just helps me not stress about being a shitty one:)

I am open and excited to see what this new adventure brings!

Hard To Believe

Because I caved to peer & spouse pressure, the monsters are enrolled in CCD this year. And because I feel that if you are going to be "in" you need to do it with both feet, we follow Saturday CCD classes with weekly mass. Yes, I know how many times I have questioned and bashed organized religion, but I do believe that some religious education is good and will help open the monsters mind to the concept; once they are old enough I will hope and encourage them to follow what they believe and keep looking until they find it. For now, we are back at in the Catholic Church, mainly because that is what I was raised and therefore what I know and am comfortable with.

Anyway, on to my story. Yesterday at mass, I had a "moment" where the words from Father Bob's sermon spoke to me. His sermon was about how the catholic church is not keeping-up and changing with the times, but that was not what got me. What got me was a question that Father Bob asked, one that he had been asked at a Friars conference a week earlier, the question "Do you find joy in what you do?". He went on to explain the question in more depth explaining that "joy" did not mean everyday was good, but ultimately through good and bad, is their joy in what you do? That question really struck something in me and as he spoke I asked myself, "Do you joy in what you do?" and without question, I answered "yes". Yes, I do find joy as a wife and mother. And yes, there are good times and bad, but never do I regret the path my life has taken.

Now, I know that the intention of the question was to ask ourselves to evaluate our Catholicism, but I am still questioning that:) Nevertheless, I took that question and answered it and it gave me peace and clarity. Reminding me that "joy" is so much bigger than a single moment of good or bad, it is a collection of moments and how you see them and what you do with them that makes it.

I have joy in my life, thanks to great friends, a wonderful family and three monsters & a husband who share it with me.

THE END.

I cannot always see "The End". I have a bad habit of driving things to hard, pushing longer than I need to...ya know, beating a dead horse:) Tonight I am not going to do that. Tonight, I am going to let it be "The End" and I feel good with that. I thought I was going to want more, to need more, but I don't.

I wish I could say with certainty that this is a sign for my future and that I am finally "growing-up", but I cannot be sure that is the case:) What I know is that I have stood firmly upon my morals and that is enough for me. Tomorrow I will leave my house, head held high, feeling superior to no one, but true to myself.

Thinking It Through

I love to over-analyze things, all things. The tone of voice someone speaks to me in, how long my children will be traumatized because I yelled, what I can do to be a better wife, daughter, sister and mother, what my dreams "mean", down to what the meaning of "is" is( which I truly did yesterday:). What I am wondering is, does this continual exercise of analyzation is more helpful or hurtful? I know there are plenty of people in my life that see this as useless or self destructive, but I cannot seem to agree or stop. I hate surprises. I mean HATE THEM!!! So, for me, when I analyze things before, after and durning their occurrence, I feel that it cuts down on any "surprises" in my life and I think i I like that. However, if I am being honest, I am not sure I have ever lived another way. Even as a child it was a rare instant when I would do something without thinging it through and weighing it all out.

I wonder if it is possible to just "let go" and see what life holds? Do people really live that way? Are there really people who get up in the morning and have not played their day out in their head before it starts? And how does one do that? I wonder if I stopped analyzing and started living if my like would see less stress? Maybe it is worth giving it a try. Going with the flow, enjoying what I am given and not about what could have been or how it could have been better. Just Keep Living! Enjoy each moment I have for what they are. Live them and move onto the next.

I think I may try to give this a shot. Live in the moment. Enjoy what I have while I have it! I know it will be worth it!

Recurring Dreams

Last night I had one of my recurring dreams. I think I have had this one about a half dozen times over the past 2 years, but for some reason it has been really bothering me all day. Even pushing me as far as using google to be sure the event did not EVER occur!

So, the dream. I am on a huge KLM airplane with my husband and two oldest monsters, they are about 2/3 years old. The plane has a few levels to it and we are flying into Newark Airport. We are about to land and something goes wrong and the plane ends up on the Turnpike about to go through the toll booth at the Lincoln Tunnel. Well, of course this HUGE plane cannot fit through, but it does not rip the toll booth down, instead the top of the plane is cut off by the toll booth and then wedged into the opening for the tunnel. Insane I know, but it gets more bizarre. Thankfully, me and the family are alive and seemingly well, but we are stuck on this half-a-plane forever while a plan is devised for our rescue. So while I sit there I call my parents and in laws to say we are okay, but my next call is to the mother of my childhood best friend. Odd? I would say so, it is not as if we chat regularly:) I call her and she asks if I knew that her daughter was on the plane and could I find her. I did find her, she was under the plane in cargo, but safe. Not sure how I found her, because I am not sure I ever left my seat. However after three days, small planes came to rescue us and we just climbed in them from our old plane. Then in the blink of an eye we were landing at Newark like nothing ever happened.

Feel free to interpret my dream for me and get back to me on the meaning:) Or just read this and laugh out loud at the fact that my subconscience is just as nutty as my conscience:)

The Good & Bad of Watching the News ALL Day

Because I cannot pull myself away from the Chilean Miners, I have had the news on all day. I started with the local NBC station, then switched to Good Morning American and once the local channels moved onto regular programming, I switched over to Fox News. I sat and watched Fox News pretty happily until the political talk got strong and I decided to switch over to CNN to see the " other side" of the political coin. What I have decided is that the United States needs some new blood in political office. People that might be willing to listen to what people really want and need. What has been crazy is that I keep hearing on the news that politicians, on both sides, are doing what is best for us. I think it is really great that they know better what we need than we do.

Let me tell you what I don't need. Democrats, I do not need my taxes to be raised. And by doing nothing to extend the Bush tax cuts, my taxes will go back to where they were...TAX INCREASE! And we made under 250000 a year. So, even if you do not raise my taxes higher than they were before the Bush Taxes Cuts, it will still be raising my by not continuing the current rates! And Republicans, I do not want gays to be banned from serving in the military. If some one would like to serve their/my country, I am happy to have them. A HERO is a HERO, I really don't care who they sleep with when they go home and I am not sure why anyone else does! Although, I do wish the Great President Obama would man-up and embrace the end of don't ask don't tell. He sure has not done much to further the cause of equal rights for gays as president.

So, come January, my husband's paycheck will be less because of an expiration of the Bush Tax Cuts and an increase in my health premiums and just like most people their will be little to no cost of living increase to keep this even. Boy, I cannot wait! That should really help the economy and bring down the 9.5 % unemployment rate!!!! Listen politicians, what would be nice is if we could all pay our bills and that everyone that wants a job could have one. I want to vote for that candidate!!!!! Send 'em to me!

The Time Has Come, Gone and is Now Back!

I need to get my act together and start taking care of myself. Yesterday I went to the doctor for an infection that I knew I had for about 3 weeks but continued to blow-off. The doctor sent me off with 2 different antibiotics and 2 different pain pills and told me I was lucky not to be in Hospital. And while I am I. A lot of pain the point here is that I just blew it off. For no good reason! There was no reason that I coiled not go to the doctor 3 weeks ago, but I didn't, I just waited and waited until my pain was so horrible and my infection so bad that I could not move and my entire body was affected.

This cannot happen anymore. I need to start taking care of myself so that I can take care of my family. I will start with fighting off this infection, but then I need to move on to eating better and exercise. By doing that, I know I will stay healthier and feel better. I also know that this is not the first time I have tried to take better care of myself, but I am going to hope and try to make this one better than the others.

By Tuesday morning when I drop off the monsters I will have a plan for my days that will include exercise and meditation. I really want to make this work this time, but I guess we will see if it happens:) I will keep you posted!

To The Beat of My Own Drum.

That's what I do, walk to the beat of my very own drum and I think it is safe to say that I have always done so. What I am learning as my life experiences grow, aka I get old, is that very few people understand or appreciate this quality:) I will admit that to someone looking in, it could appear that I am simply a non-conformist, simply to not conform, but that is not the case. I am a non-conformist because I refuse to follow blindly to anything and "because I said so" whether from my mother or society is just not a sound enough reason for me. It is not that I strive to "be different", I just don't NEED to be like anyone else. I want to believe and agree with the people I follow or the ideas I embrace. When somebody asks me "why", I want to have an answer based on something more than "because my mother said" or "the Bible says so", I want to see and believe it for myself.

Not everybody understands this, okay few do, and that is fine. I get that it is hard to understand why someone would just buck the system when there seems no really harm in following, but to me the harm is in "just following" and I want my children to understand that. Those are my values, "believe and understand, that which you conform to" and choose carefully!

There are things that my children "conform" to that drive me insane! Most of them come at school, but through the help of my husband I do understand that as children then need to "fit-in" sometimes and conform. And I try (and my god is it hard!)to let these things slide by without throwing my two-cents in, but sometimes I cannot stop myself from sharing:)

Sharing my values with my children is a privilege I have been given as their mother and primary caregiver, just as any other mother. Because my values my seem "different" and non-conforming does not make them wrong or unwilling to be shared. I welcome my monsters to think for themselves and form their own beliefs. I want them to WANT the things in which they believe, not do/believe because I do or someone else does.

See, my non-conformists ways are not so scary:) It is not like I am a Democrat or something;-)

Oh My!!!!

Seems like it has been forever since I have posted. I have been BUSY! School for me, school for the kids, family visits and life have been keeping me busy. Amazing to think that I thought I was going to have nothing to do with all three monsters in school all day. I no longer fear that:).

This week I handed in my final papers for my course and have the weekend off before my next one starts, so I am hoping to catch up on some sleep and enjoy my baby boy's 9th birthday!

Next week I am going to schedule in sometime to enjoy some of the election news, you all know how I love campaign season! I will be sure to let you all know what I am thinking especially regarding the departure of Mr. Emmanuel, I hope he knows he can call me if he needs help packing to go home:)

What Was I Thinking?

Recall with me if you will a post a made a couple of weeks ago where I proclaimed "I got fired", do you remember it? I TAKE IT BACK! I have never been so busy in my life! The days I thought would be filled with loneliness & emptiness have yet to happen. I excitement I expected to feel everyday when I picked the monsters up has been instead replaced with thoughts of "what time do I REALLY have to be at school to pick them up on time?". Don't get me wrong, I do miss them when they are gone and I wish we could spend all of our time together, but I am having no trouble filling my days:)

Between my school work, house work(that I still cannot catch-up on), volunteering at school, girls scouts and so much more, I barely have time to lunch with friends once a week:)And I am still trying to fit walking everyday into my daily routine! FIRED!!! Who was I kidding?

I now understand that I was not "fired", my duties have just changed. Changed and been added to. With that, it is time for me to end this post and get-to work!

Feeling Much Better

Last night was Back-to-School Night at the monster's school and I will say that things went MUCH better than Open House and the first week of school did. I was much more comfortable within myself and therefore more comfortable around others. I realize that much of what I had been feeling(the disconnect & coolness) was coming more from me than others towards me. I no think that the changes that have been made at school, that give the feeling of being uninviting, were not made to dissuade parents from volunteering, but were made to improve the learning environment of the school. I also think that some of the "sterile-ness" is due to the fact that ALL of the construction has not been completed and so it has been decorated back to its former warm & fuzziness of the past:)

So, what I am saying is that maybe it was more me than the school and after a couple of good meetings and regaining some self-confidence, I think the year will be GREAT!



Now, I know this story deserves a post of its own, I don't want to forget to post it and I am here now. It goes like this: Today I was at parent pick-up waiting on the monsters and chatting with a teacher friend of mine, when a lady I have know for sometime walked up and into our conversation. She had no idea what we were talking about, but jumped in inappropriately, to proclaim how wonderful and long our friendship has been and how she hopes it will continue no matter what my "new role" at school shall be(remember I left PTO)...interesting take on our relationship is all I have to say, but not surprising in the old AH:)

Christmas.

Yes, I know it is early but since Christmas has become an insane holiday of gift giving, planning has to start early so that it can be paid for. I like Christmas. I love Christmas decorations and parties, family togetherness and yummy treats, but I cannot stand what Christmas has become...presents & Santa Clause.

As anyone who has read my blog knows, I am not sold on the whole Christianity thing, but I do believe that Christmas was created as a day to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. With this as the intention, I would love to understand how in the world it has now become about presents and Santa! Where did we drop Christ off and where did the presents come about? I am just trying to find a way to balance this all for my kids.

We celebrate A LOT of holidays in our house, not because we are necessarily affiliated with the culture or religion where the holiday originated, but so that we understand other cultures and religions. For example, my kids enjoy lighting our menorah during Chanukah or talking about the day of the dead on Halloween, but we are not Jewish or Mexican, just interested in other cultures. With all that said, I do not understand what my children are being taught by celebrating Christmas in the American tradition of it. Gifts for no reason? From a man named Santa? Because Christ was born? As I try to understand I see many justifications for the gifts suchas The Wise Men's gifts to Jesus or combining the Feast of St. Nicholas with the birth of Christ and I know there are more theories out there, but none that are really helping me understand the explanation HUGE gift-giving at Christmas.

There is only explanation I have found that seems to make sense...Retailers attached themselves to this holiday and have been pushing it harder and harder every year. Bigger Sales, Christmas Release Dates, Santa Marketing!!! Yes, that is it! Christmas is a time to celebrate Retailers! Thank you so much for making us think we NEED to spend our money!

Maybe this year I will convince my husband that we should celebrate the birth of Christ and not Retail Magic:)

Disturbed

The school my children attend used-to-be fairly "parent-friendly", this year that has all changed. What I find so disturbing about this new trend of excluding parents is that every study shows that schools with high parental involvement achieve much higher. So, why in the world would you discourage parents from getting involved? This is especially upsetting in a county that could not meet state-standards according to standardized tests. It seems a bit moronic to take a school that met standards, that had a large amount of parent involvement and put an end to it. I don't get it. I have to say, it does make me wonder what is going on that they don't want anybody to see?

My New Life.

As you know, today was the first day after being fired. All three monsters went off to full-day school and I was left at home. Well, I had laundry, dishes, vacuuming, school work & phone calls to make, but other than that I had nothing:) Needless to say, I found that I had very little "down-time".

I am not going to lie, I did have to put the music channel on the tv for some back-round noise:) But in all, it was a good day! I got alot done and the rest of the week is looking as busy as today. Maybe being fired will turn-out to be a good thing.

FIRED!

That's how I'm feeling right now. I feel like tomorrow morning will come and I will lose the job I have had for the past 9 years. The job of primary care-giver for my children will no longer be mine. Starting tomorrow all three of them will be spending the majority of their weekdays with strangers instead of with me.

FIRED! I am getting fired! This is not how I saw this playing-out. I had two different scenarios in mind. In the first one I expected myself to be sobbing uncontrollably at the idea of sending my last baby out the door for ALL DAY SCHOOL! In the second, I saw myself beyond excited at the thought of having time for myself for the first time in 9 years. Yet, I feel neither. I feel FIRED!

For the past 9 years I have done the only job I ever wanted and now I am being fired, okay maybe not fired but definitely demoted. I am being sent to the closet!

I will miss the monsters when they go off to school tomorrow and I will be sad, but mostly I wonder what I am going to do all day. And when I really think about it, I know that there will be plenty to keep me busy, but it is still a new job. I am just not sure I want a new job.

WOW! What a Great Day!

I feel like it has been a long, long time since I have said this, "Today was a Great Day!" From start to finish, it was all GOOD! I got up early, enjoyed my morning then headed to the pool where I saw almost ALL of my favorite Harbour people(you know it could not be that many people then;-). From there I headed home for a shower and football; and to my amazement, I had such a nice time at football. With people I never expected to have so much fun with! It is CRAZY what happens when you let yourself enjoy life...laughing, smiling, feeling good! I came home and whipped-up some mozzarella sticks & frozen pizza for a not so healthy, but cheap dinner and treated myself to a GIANT margarita(which I may have added alittle too much of Pepe's tequila to:) but it's all good.

I am so glad I woke-up with a fresh set of eyes in which to view the world, boy did it make a difference. I hope I can keep Polly around for awhile, life is much more fun with her!

The Good, The Bad & Moving On...

There are times in life when you just have to realize that things are not what they were and move on. This can be sad and reflective and that is okay, but in the end you know that moving on, alone is best. As you begin to move past the "incident" that caused the final blow you begin to realize that the high that once was had been gone for much longer than you ever wanted to admit. It is not easy to make the break especially when children are involved, but when you see that your kids have also been hurt, you know what has to be. The End. All that is left is memories. Memories of so many good times and milestones. Memories that you will hold forever.

Moving on will be strange and sometimes sad, but each day will be better and less sad. New memories will be made and there will be different people to share them with. I am ready to look ahead to the new and exciting and am determined to not repeat the past.

Today is a new day and I am going to make it a good one!

Some House Cleaning...

As a Washington Nationals season ticket holder, I was sooooooo happy to hear that Rob Dibble has "taken a few days off". Ray Knight's southern drawl has been music to my ears:) I hope the Nationals are smart enough to encourage Dibble to take a permanent vacation from DC!

Now, because I know my aunt LOVES my posts when I skip from subject-to-subject, I would like to switch to the topic of ballots for deployed military. I am certain I am not understanding the story correctly, because it seems as if there are states trying to be excused from sending the ballots overseas. In an attempt to "muddle-through-the-swamp" I hope that what the states are saying is that they are unable to meet the new deadlines that the election board has put in place, but they will send out the ballots and they will be counted when they are returned, even if that means waiting an extra few weeks for the final results. Because if that is not what they are saying and they are not going to find a way to allow deployed servicemen to vote, we have some very BIG problems here in the US.

Last topic tonight. Our local weekend entertainment in the Nations Capitol, Glen Beck & Sarah Palin rally with an Al Sharpton rally on the other side. Oh the choices, where will I go???? Right, in the complete opposite direction of both! Those are sure to be rallies promoting unity & togetherness;-)

Opinion vs. Gossip

If you give share your personal feelings/ideas on a matter, situation or person is it an opinion or gossip? For example, if someone asks you why you no longer belong to an organization and you tell them that you left because you did not agree with the way in which an organization was run or how you [personally] were treated, is that not your opinion?

Well, I have decided that it is my opinion. It maybe seen as gossip too, but I have decided that I am entitled to give my opinion, whatever it may be, good or bad, to whomever I wish to. I really don't care to hear anyone else say, "Let it go" or "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all". I like to give my opinion, when I am asked to, okay even sometimes when I am not asked;-) But, I am sick of feeling that I have to watch every little thing I say and who I say it to. Here it is: If you hear from someone that I said something, I most likely did. And to that end, if you feel the need to confirm it, skip the middle-man and just ask me. Before you do though, make sure you really want to know the answer.

I have made many mistakes in my life and skipped-out on good advice; one of the best pieces of advice ever given to me was to avoid (at all cost) local politics. I wish I could say that this advice had only been given to me once and I ignored it, but that is not the case. It was given many, many times starting at a very young age. I guess some lessons need to be experienced to be learned. I certainly hope that mine was learned!

What I will do is continue to speak my mind and give my opinion. Like it, don't like it, you can have your own, just like me. That is what makes it YOUR OPINION and not mine, or MINE OPINION and not yours.

Off To The Beach!

After a few very trying months, mostly in my mind(scary place I'll tell you:) I am heading to the beach for a much needed break from reality. I am looking forward to fill my head with only the sounds of rolling waves and laughing children.

I am hoping(fingers crossed) to walk out the door everyday with no cell phone and limit my computer use to some school work and maybe some blogging & picture posting in the evening. I am not sure how I will handle this since the first things I do every morning is check my email and call my husband & mother, but I am going to try:)

So, if I head to the beach and manage to live without my cell phone and computer, get-rid of my tension headaches and end my daily anxiety attacks, I may never come back:) Don't worry though because:

I'll have my toes in the water, ass in the sand;-)

Running Away From Home!

I do not want the summer to end. I do not want the kids to go to school. I do not want a schedule to follow. Husband says "too bad, all of these things are going to happen, accept it and move on".

With that I ask you all, is it completely insane of me to pack up and run away from home? I am wanting and willing to run away with the kids! Forget I asked, I know it is crazy. Especially since when I told Ben I was going to run away from home he asked the same questions my mother had when I was little and running away. Simply questions, where will you go? What do you want to do? Where will you live? What really sucked about this was that I found my answers to be the same as when I was 5 and my mom would ask them, I don't know, I am not sure and anywhere but here:) It is sure nice to see that I am consistent:)

So, if running away is not the answer, then what is?

I Know It & Own It...I Am Crazy :)

I believe my mind is on system over-load and quickly approaching the point of frying! I have too many irons in the fire and the stress is depressing me! I think I have three BIG stressors all of which I cannot control. The problem with that is every other small thing is turned into a huge thing and I cannot gain control of any of them!!! Honestly, going to the eye doctor with them monsters this morning nearly pushed me over the edge.

The upcoming week is insane and full of all things I do not want to do, more doctors, meetings, football. What I want to do is go to the beach and leave my cell phone and computer at home. Not likely to happy since I have to finish-up my class over the next week. Complete with a thematic paper and plan of study.

Normally, I could knock-out the school work and enjoy it, but with no luck keeping my mind on school it is slow going. Instead my head is full of concerns for my children in the new school year and worries about my extended family & friends, uneasiness about the holidays(yes, Thanksgiving & Christmas which are months away), and just about everything else in the world. I especially enjoy stressing about things that I have NO control over, like the article I just read about the US selling F-15 to Saudi Arabia and how the Israel is not happy. Yep, I will lose some sleep over that tonight:) Writing that I laughed because I do know how crazy it is, but I also know that I really will lose sleep over it:)

Unfortunately, this sort of stress & depression is not new to me but I know that it will pass. I also know that I am in a much better place now then I have ever been before; recognizing what I am feeling and "dealing" with it is a much better place that having no idea what all these crazy feelings are about:)

Off I go to stress about the heat index and football practice tonight:)

Today It Happened :(

Today, for the first time that I can remember, I really hated school supply shopping. And in-case you are not aware, school/office supply shopping is usually one of my FAVORITE things to do! Honestly, I usually LOVE IT! We are talking HOURS in Staples just to pick-up ink for the printer, LOVE IT!!!

Well, loved it. Today it sucked! Sorting it after we got home sucked worse. I could not even make myself feel happy about it when I offered to let the monster "decorate" their Art Shirts. All I am feeling is sad. Depressed and sad. Sad that the summer has gone by too quickly. Sad that all of my monster will be gone for a ridiculous amount of time 5 days a week. Sad that not only will they be gone, but I have little, if any control over who will be watching over them and teaching them. Sad that it cost me nearly $70 a kid for supplies & backpacks, and that not only was I told to get folders, but told what colors they had to be, really?

(Just imagine... this is the paragraph where I BITCH about the annoyance of the school supply list down to and including a ream of paper.It would never stop if I start:)

I am sure that my feelings have more to do with my experience last year than theirs, but still I have a BAD TASTE in my mouth and Huge Fears for the new school year. I know that I cannot home school, it would not be best for my children, but I wish I felt just a bit at ease with what is ahead.

I am just not looking forward to this school year. Not one bit! So much that it ruined my shopping trip!

And Here She Is...

Below is a picture of me(on the left)& My very own Mini Me(on the right):


Today after many months(okay years) of trying to ignore it, I have accepted the fact that I live with and have created a Mini Me! Understand that I am not saying that she is "like" I was as I child, what I am saying is that she IS the child version of ME in the present and it is scary:) It is very surreal when a you realize that a 5 year old can finish your thoughts for you and not just finish them but do it with the same mannerisms you do. I am starting to believe that she was cloned and conceived:)

This is all fine and well as I am a fantastic person and anyone should be so lucky to be like me:) Okay, if I am being honest, I may have some faults that make me alittle scared for my mini me. For instance, my inability to conform(to anything), my holding a grudge, and even being right all the time can be tough:) So, with all that in mind, I sometimes wonder what she will grow-up to be like.

For now I will enjoy my Mini Me and hope that she quickly becomes better than me at speaking her mind, kindergarten starts in a few weeks;-)

I Need To Vent...Proceed With Caution

I want to vent about my parenting and the annoyance I am feeling from other people who "disapprove" of how and what I do. To start, I do not claim to be the-best-mother-in-the-world, if their is such a thing, but I think I am a pretty descent mother.

So, I yell. Mostly just as a tone of voice, but I yell. And I curse(ALOT:), but because it occurs often and in daily conversation, my children are not offended by it nor do they think twice unless someone brings it to their attention. And another thing I don't do well is keep a schedule. I hate them! I avoid them at all cost! I know lots and lots of people that think this is crazy, but it works(most of the time) for me. I could continue to list ALL the things I could do better, but you get the point.

The thing is, what I do or do not do is really not the point. What is the point is that my children are well cared for, loved and nurtured as I see fit. I am sorry if my yell or cursing is over heard by your child and you have to explain it, but sometimes I have to explain things we don't do to my children; for example, why do people where "funny" clothes or go to church all the time. And why does so and so's mom never cook, what does that kid only speak Spanish. Whatever the case, my point is that you raise your kids and I will raise mine and keep your judgments to yourself!

Explain This...

How does a perfectly wonderful day turn into an anxiety attack at 10pm? Seriously, my day was so nice. I got a good amount of stuff accomplished. Relaxed a bit and even enjoyed watching Declan at football. That said, I am now sitting here with a killer headache in the middle of a full-out anxiety attack! This is insane! All I really want to know is what the hell is stuck in my head that is causing it? There is NOTHING that I need to be anxious about at the moment.

Oh well, I guess I will try to breathe through it. And if that does not work perhaps I will start drinking;-)

Who Wonders?

Do you ever wonder what someone else would think if they could hear all the thoughts in your head?

Do you ever "people watch" and wonder what the secret is that the person you are watching is keeping?

Do you ever think anyone is "normal" and then do you wonder what "normal" even is?

Do you wonder what the trick to happiness is and if EVERYONE is really capable of achieving it?

Do you ever wonder if you "wonder" too much:)

I am very affected by the people and things around me. If one of my kids is sad, it makes me sad. If a friend has marriage problems, I feel them. Stress, anxiety, discontent, I suck-it-all-up! Well, right now, there are ALOT of people around me(friends, family, random people I know) that are really struggling and it is making me very uneasy. I want to be able to fix something for someone. There is nothing for me to do, but pray for them and hope that things will work out in the end.

That has caused another issue for me, the praying that is. I never seen myself as a prayer as I am not sure I believe in "god" and if I do, I am not sure what form "god" has taken for me. What I have decided in the past few weeks is that I do pray. I am not sure to whom I pray, but I pray. I express my hopes and dreams for myself and others and I put them out there and hope someone, some "god" hears them.

Maybe this is my first step in finding my way to a religion, finally allowing myself to pray. To hope that maybe there is something out there guiding my life. Or maybe not, but expressing my hopes and dreams and releasing them is helpful for me right now.

Thinking Out Loud

Sometimes when I have "too much" going on in my mind I start thinking out loud and this action rarely works out for me. It usually ends with me saying something to someone that was better in my head then it was through my mouth! The past two days have been like that for me. My poor husband has had to suffer through all the thoughts running through my head for the last two days. It has been BAD!

I am sick, PMSing and stressing, I am not sure a more "perfect storm" could have been created for my husband. I have an opinion about EVERYTHING and I am only too happy to share them with him:) Hummm...maybe the three hour trip to the food store was not all spent at the store and was spent anywhere but here with me, I don't know, but I am not sure I could blame him:)

This I do know. It is a very good thing that it is a weekend, in the summer. This means that the clean-up crew that generally follows one of these "moods" will not have too much work to do:) The destruction should be limited to family!LOL!

Update, Family Fun & Feeling Yucky...

I wanted to say thank you to all of you out there that send prayers and positive thoughts over the past few days to my friend and her very premature twins. It has been 2 days now and through their update today I have learned that both babies had a better day than yesterday, but as you all can imagine, this is just the beginning of a very long journey for their family. With the twins in the NICU for the foreseeable future and a toddler at home, life will be challenging for them so, if you can spare them, they could use all the continued well wishes and prayers you can send. It really means so much to mean that so many of you have been willing to send prayers for them. Thank you all!


Now onto me:)

We had a wonderful Fallon Family Fun Day today at Water Country. It really was fun. I was not sure it was going to be because no one wanted to get out of bed and get moving, but we did and I am glad because despite getting a later start than we wanted and feeling kinda crummy(now feeling awful)we really enjoyed ourselves. It was nice to spend some time together away form the chores of home.

Now that we are home, I am lying here in bed feeling worse by the moment. Sore throat, achy body, fever just not good. My ears hurt and are itchy, ugg...I am tired, but cannot sleep. Pain meds are not working AT ALL!

I have so much to dish about in the political world, but I just feel to crummy tonight. You know how elections excited me and November is just around the corner, I get giddy just thinking about it, but it will have to wait!

A Thought or Three...

With a head of steam I rush into meditation and relaxation techniques, but like almost everything I do, I backed off. What I am trying to figure out is why. I was feeling so good and finally feeling like I had some control over my stress. Then, all at once I stopped. I stopped getting up in the morning a spending 15 mins of so meditating. I stopped reflecting on my day before bed and for what? It was certainly not because I was too busy in the morning or too tired at night. I think I am just being lazy. I have to believe that it is because i am being lazy because the only other answer it that I am unwilling to help myself feel better, and I refuse to admit that right now:)

I will start up again tomorrow. Hopefully I will stick it out!



***************************************************

I know it drives my aunt crazy when I jump from subject to subject, but my mind is busy tonight and I have many thoughts to share:)
Today a very dear childhood friend of mine, delivered twins at 24 weeks 6 days. As I write this both babies are alive, but have a long road ahead as do their parents, big brother and extended family & friends. Please if you can, keep them in your thoughts and prayers. It would mean a great deal to me and I know it would to them as well.

*******************************************************

Before I leave and because I do not want to write another Blog tonight, I want to say that I am pretty sure that if I were Sarah Palin(and to be clear, I am so not a fan) tonight, I may in fact be smacking my daughter for humiliating me in front of the entire world!

I want to be clear that I have NO problem with Bristol & Levi working things out and thinkin' they want to get married, but how ungrateful a child are you to tell your mother via US Weekly? Because if you are really ready to "Stand-by-your-man" do it, but don't blindside your parents. I just found it to be highly disrespectful on the part of Bristol to do that.

So monsters of mine, let this serve as a warning to you, Feel free to stand-up for your beliefs, follow your heart, have an opinion that is not mine, forgive & move on, but know that it will not be long before I make you feel like the fool you just set me up as!

Blah

The weather has been icky the past few days and so has my mood. There are things to do around the house, but have NO Desire. The monsters are so tired and grouchy or maybe it is just me:) The days seem to just drag on with little productions and lots of tears.

I just offered up a quick run to the pool that was met with tears from one monster, a fit from another and one yes. Now of course I cannot find a way to make them all happy!

Ugg! More fighting! I guess I will go drown my depressed state in ice cream:)

When I Whistle.

When I whistle it is never good. I am not a good whistler. I cannot whistle a tune or whistle loud enough to call my kids. So, for me whistling has become something I do when I am anxious. Most of the time it takes someone to mention to me that I am whistling for me to stop or even notice it.

I feel like I have been whistling a lot lately. It was a good stretch of now whistling though. Months I would say. I wonder now if I had no anxiety during that time or if I found another annoying noise to make in place of my whistling:) Oddly enough, I notice that I have not been grinding my teeth much at night so maybe whistling is a better outlet, well for me, not so much for others.

Tomorrow I think I will try to whistle a Happy Tune and see if I can turn my whistle into a relaxation technique instead of nervous energy:) With that, I for warn you all to plug your ears as I attempt to whistle my happy tune!

What's Good?

Ya know what's good? Having a partner for the past 20 years that still "gets where you're coming from". That is right, 20 years. Last Friday, July 2, 2010, Ben and I celebrated 20 years together. I feel so fortunate to have had him in my life for so long. Through the past 20 years we have had ups and downs, but never have I thought he would not be there for me. And let me tell ya, the fact that he has made it through 20 years of ME, is amazing! He deserves some sort of award for that:)

I know that I am not the easiest person to be in a relationship with. I jump from topic to topic, I am very stubborn, and I hold a grudge like nobody's business. That has not scared him off! He has always stuck by me. He is even willing, as he has proven again over the past two days, to allow me to be me and deal with things in my crazy, sometimes self destructive ways. And when I am done, he is always there to help me clean-up the mess. Most of the time with very little "I told you so's".

He doesn't even flinch anymore when I start bringing things up that happened 15 years ago when we fight:) He just goes with it. Sometimes with the same defensive, other time I swear he just changes his position to see what happens:) Nonetheless, after 20 years he is still with me to have the fight:)

It is an unbelievable reality to know that for the past 20 years of my life I have been with someone so perfect for me! Thanks Ben Fallon for being the best partner I could ever have! You Rock! I LOVE YOU!

It's Over

After several months of stress and contemplation, I left my position on the PTO Board effective today! What a weight to have lifted from my shoulders. I would like to say that I found it to be a experience a positive one, but I cannot. What I can say is that I am disappointed in the people I served with on the board. For the most part I never felt welcome by them, nor did I ever feel that change was something they were willing to entertain and with that as my main goal, it was not a good fit.

I would liken this experience to poking oneself in the eye with a sharp stick. It hurt, yet I was never smart enough to stop poking!LOL! How F*cking stupid am I! For months and months I sat there and made excuses, today I finally got-it! I now see that inviting me to the Board was a means to an end. A hope that I could be kept busy and under controlled, okay maybe not under controlled, but watched. Now I am done though.

Now that I am done I will focus on MY Monsters, my school work & my family. I have time to focus on the things that are really important for people that actually appreciate what I do and the time I put into making their lives better.

I will try now not to be the mean and vindictive bitch that I have been know to be. I am not sure how well that will work, but it was worth the thought:)

Truth & Peace?

I wish I could say all the things I want to, with no regard for others. No cares of how they will react. Too bad if they get angry or sad by what I say or write, it would be out of my brain and I could move on to other things. However, I still cannot bring myself to care so little about others to speak without regard for them no matter how freeing I may think it will be.

I recently read that when you are true with yourself and know your thoughts to be true, you should have no hesitation in speaking your thoughts, for if they are true you should feel peace when saying them. Thing is, I am not much luck with this. Oh, trust me when I tell you that I have been speaking my mind, but there is no peace to be found. I am managing to upset and anger many around me:) Maybe the people around me are not ready for the peace truth can bring!LOL! That is it! That is what I will go with.

So, here I go with honest and not hurtful; I very much enjoyed spending a few days with my nephew, Max who made me smile every time I picked him up. He made everything else leave my mind when he smiled. I wish life were always that good! I also appreciate my SIL driving down and suffering through a few restless nights so that I could see Max:)

I am happy that my kids got to spend time with their favorite playmate and cousin, Angie at the pool & the boardwalk. Thanks Billy & Kelly for that! And thanks to my in-laws for allowing us to completely trash their house for 5 days.

Ah, better already. Honest but not hurtful:)

Big Orange Ball & Other Stuff

I had a "moment" this weekend while visiting my in-laws at the Jersey Shore. I always want to love coming home, but with my parents gone, it feels less and less like home everytime I come. That is not to say that I do not consider myself a Jersey Girl through and through, just that I am a Jersey Girl that has had to relocate to Northern Virginia and is no longer "home" in NJ. I love the person NJ has made me, but now I have to carry that with me to my "home" In VA. But I digress, let me get back to my "moment".

Everytime I come to NJ, I swear I am going to set my alarm to get up and head to the beach to watch the sunrise, but I never do it. Well, almost never. This time I did! It is the first time in over 20 years that I have actually gotten out of bed and made it up there to watch. Now I cannot believe that it has been so long since I have seen it, I even went back a second time while in NJ!

And I know that I over analyze everything, and this is not going to be any different, but something really changed in me on Friday morning as I watched the sun being pulled from the horizon. I really felt that there something "new" starting in my life. I hope whatever it is will be as good as the sunrise that began it.

Still I Wonder...

What in the world makes people behave the way they do? Are there really that many people out there with NO Social Skills?

For most of my adult life, I have been made fun of because I'm from Jersey. And ya know people from Jersey are...well, you know the stereo-types loud, big-hair, rude, pushy, foul-mouthed, really we could go on for awhile. While all of those things may be true, I for one, am aware of my company and act appropriately. While I did have dinner at the White House in Flip-Flops, I never uttered a foul word within those walls:) Because there is a time and place for manners and I actually do know when that is.

While you may think I "say-it-like-it-is" I really don't and again, this is because I actually DO have social skills and know that telling someone that they are fat, ugly, stupid is just not something polite people do. Oh, I think it just like everyone else, but common decency calls for some control over ones thoughts ALWAYS come out of ones mouth! And sometimes I do say it, but I KNOW what I am saying when I say it!

I know that I complain about this often, but I am just so blown-away by peoples actions and statements, that I have to keep reminding myself that people from New Jersey are often criticized for their lack of class, and that might be true, but I sure as hell know when I am being classless and rude. So, I am of the belief that having the intelligence to understand that I am being rude is better than you being to stupid to see that you are rude!

Can Reflection Be Religion?

As I sit thinking about ALL the things I want to write but am afraid too, I listening to my littlest monster chat, mostly to the air, as she folds the baskets of laundry in my room and wonder what is so bad? Moreover, what do I really have the ability to control? Are the nervous, anxious, sad feelings I am having really going to help anyone? I know they are not helping me.

A few weeks ago I read a that went something like this, "Once you are true with yourself, you will no longer fear or regret your actions or words". For some reason that statement has had quite an impact on me. It may be due to the fact that I was happy to gossip(often without factual knowledge) or maybe because I would change my behavior based on my audience. I am not sure I have found the reason I was drawn to this statement, only that I was and because of that I take much more notice of my actions, words and thoughts. Thanks to that, I have had less stress in my life. Well, most of the time:)

Today was a bit challenge. Busy. And I can admit that I am not the best(or good at all) working, thinking or acting under pressure. Although I know this about myself, I cannot always ask my life to slow down until I can catch-up. What I can do however is once I find a quiet moment, is to reflect on my day and be sure that I have been true with myself. And so long as I am, the stress and anxiety slowly slip away and I remember that I am only one person and can only control myself.

It has been interesting trying to live life always thinking about my actions before I take them and often, like today, I forget to find the "purpose and meaning" before I act. That is okay though. I am not perfect. In fact, I am very far from it. I am far from understanding who I am and why I am here and how it all works, but I feel good about the progress I am finally making to understand.

I know that life is short and I know there are so many things to do while I am here, but I am also learning that it is not the quantity of what you do but the quality and I honestly believe that. No more sweating the small stuff or the big, I am working on letting go of the "control" I falsely believed I had over others and focusing on what very little I can control, my thoughts and my actions.

Why is it so hard?

As I have been writing lately, I am searching for inner peace and some days are so much easier than others. Through my journey, I have been doing ALOT of reading. Some for pleasure, some for school; what I am finding both interesting & depressing are all the stories in which others are also searching for the "peace".

What I am finding most interesting/unnerving is that almost all of these authors facing these same struggles are well educated, upper-middle class, "have-it-all" types that are still looking for more. Why, I keep wondering, do all these stories fit my life? Why are all these women, who should be "happy", find themselves searching for more? Searching for peace and balance? Is it as Ruth Behar writes in The Vulnerable Observer, that as women we struggle to struck a balance between family & career? Are we "over-educating" ourselves in a society that is still not willing to let women have it all? Or is it us? Are we the ones that place these restriction & expectations on one another? Maybe someday I will look further into this question and its answers. Perhaps on my next educational journey:)

As it stands now, I have more questions than answers. I get up and remind myself everyday of all the wonderfulness of my life. And throughout the day I again remind myself. And again at night, as I reflect on my day, I remind myself how fortunate I am and how awesome my life is. However, there are moments like this when I wonder why I have to work so hard to "convince" myself that my life is GOOD, that I am fortunate, that I have so much. I guess I will keep trying to find my "inner peace", no, I know I will keep looking. And right now, I am finding peace in knowing that I have the opportunity to keep searching.

Turning It Around

Boy is it tough to see the positives in life sometimes. I am not ready to give-up yet, but today was a challenge. By 11 am when the government agency I was trying to work with, hung-up on me for the 4th time, I began to have my "positiveness" taken away:) That was followed by me hitting myself in the head with a swing and my daughter and her friend laughing at me.

But, I forged on. I picked the kids up from school and took them to the park, headed over to the library and I even cooked dinner and did some schoolwork. I am not going to lie though, I will be happy when I drift-off to sleep and end this day.

I can find some good in the day, if I really look. Like, we are down to the last day of school. And, the library had a few of the books I needed for class. I ordered Ben a Father's Day gift and the man that helped me was very nice:) The monsters played nicely together for hours this evening and Ben walked in smiling even after 4.5 hours of commuting today. Well, as I write this I see that the day was better than I thought! I will have to remember to reflect on my day more often!

*************************************************************************************


Tomorrow is the Last Day of School and to celebrate the Nationals are having Strasburg pitch and Friday Night Fireworks!!! All for us:) Okay, maybe that is not true, but that is the way we are looking at it here. It will be our first Strasburg Game, I hope we do not bring bad luck with us:) And there is little in the world I love more than fireworks! Here's To a Great Day Tomorrow!

Ah...

"I can only control my actions and my thoughts. I have no control over how others live their lives". This is what I have been trying to remember. It is not as easy as I hoped it would be. With so many other people in my life, it is hard to only be able to control such a small part of it. Leaving so many "things" in the hands of others is not coming easy to me, but I know that this is something I need to do before I can find inner peace. Understanding that I am powerless over others and responsible only for myself, while still trying to change the world is hard! Maybe that sentence says it all, maybe I need to fully change myself before I can make changes in the world. Maybe I need to know where I am going and what I am looking for.

What am I looking for? To put it simply, I am looking for a calm. A peacefulness within myself. An understanding that I am doing all I can to live a happy, meaningful and productive life. I will keep working on it!

My Old Blue Chair,,,

I used to think that if I were to be happy with "contentment" it would mean that I was not putting all I could into making my life the fullest it could be. I no longer believe that. I now think that to be content means that I am comfortable where I am and who I am in my life and I am on a journey,hunt,search for "contentment".

I have been trying for sometime to void my life of "negative". Negative thoughts, friendships, people, situations any negative I can control, I am working to oust from my life. This is not an easy task for me. I spend way to much of my time entertaining the negative through gossip, thoughts, stress, people in my life, too many ways to count. I am going to keep trying. I am going to keep trying until I get it right.


Hopefully, I will find my Old Blue Chair soon:)

Yeah, I Watched

The baseball fan in me caved and tuned in for the Strasburg debut. And I will admit that I have my doubts (even as a season ticket holder) about the motives behind bringing him up now, but that aside, he did ROCK tonight! I look forward to seeing him pitch in person later this season.

Now I am going to share a story about my grandfather that my dad shared with me today. Just to remind you, my grandfather was an umpire and he used to say that you knew when an umpire was good when you didn't know he was there. So, my father and I were talking about how much of the spotlight the men in blue have been using and he shared this story:

My grandfather was umpiring a game and a fight broke out. Benches cleared and the umpires were in the mix trying to break it up and one of the players bit my grandfather's ankle. So, the next time a fight broke out during one of his games he got fined by baseball. Why you ask? Because ask the fight broke out, he looked at his partner and said, lets get out of here and they sat in the dugout until the fight was over. Said he wasn't getting bit again:)

Knowing him, he probably sat there smoking and enjoying the break;-) Thanks for sharing the story dad!

My Religulous Review

First my disclaimers:
-I am NOT a fan of Bill Maher
-I LOVE all things religion
-I am not a religious person

Now the movie/documentary:

Aside from Bill Maher being his regular pompous, rude, annoying self, this movie was awesome! It was full of information on most of the "major" religions of the world and uncovered some unique religions too. What Maher did throughout the movie was travel around the world and talk with people about religion. He spoke with church leaders(i.e. priests,rabbi's), with devotees to explain and support their beliefs, non-believers and Dr. Andrew B. Newberg, all who give some insight to why and what people of the world believe.

What I enjoyed most about this movie was that Maher allowed people to talk about their beliefs and questioned them, I did not feel he was disrespectful. I also like how Maher worked Dr. Newberg into the movie. Again, I did not feel it was done disrespectfully, but as a way to answer questions I think some people were afraid to ask or hear the answers to.

When the movie ended, I had no more direction for my own religious journey, but I did understand more of why people believe. The need people have to find peace and solace. I also felt more secure in my beliefs(or questioning of beliefs) than I had before I watched the movie.

So, if you a willing to hear some new ideas and maybe challenge yourself and your religion a bit, give this movie a try.

Who is to Blame?

Let me start by saying that I am no longer Blaming President Obama for causing the oil spill, just the inability to stop it and clean it up. And I know that it may seem irrational to place the blame there, he is the President and the damage being done goes beyond anything I have ever seen and the effects on the ecosystem and economy because of this will be long lasting. That is why I blame him. I want him to reach-out and beg,plead,bribe or whatever it takes to get someone to find a fix to this disaster. There has to be someone out there hiding at Standford or MIT or somewhere that can come up with a way to plug the hole or turn oil into water or something crazy like that. So, is it fair to place the blame on the president, no, but when you're the "boss" the buck stops with you and so it lays at his feet.

This week my 7 year old wrote a letter to BP and President Obama. She started her letter by saying that she was "speaking for the animals who cannot speak, but need help", she was so sad for the animals and I don't feel that I can truthfully tell her that everyone is doing their best to fix the problem.

An A+ effort is all I am asking for. I just want to be able to tell my daughter that EVERYONE is doing their very best to fix this mess!

Quiet.

That is state of my house right now. Billy & Kelly are back in NJ, Ben is off to California, Marg & Killi are sleeping and Declan is playing a quiet game. Earlier today I feared I would hate this moment, but now that it is here, I am enjoying more than I could have imagined. I thought I would miss listening to the kids playing or having a grown-up to talk to, but I don't. In fact, it is so quiet in here that I can hear the keyboard as I type each letter, that NEVER happens here!

Tomorrow Declan & Killi will head back to school to finish off the last 14 days of the school year. I am happy for the year to be ending, not that it was a bad year, just that it is exhausting. Ten months of a schedule for someone to hates to follow one is depressing and near impossible, but I made it through, mostly anyway:)

I am working on some "new" stress-relief techniques exercise, meditation and yoga. I am in the beginning stages with all of them so I cannot report on the success of them yet, but I am hopeful. Let me know if you have any tips for me.

I hope everyone enjoyed Memorial Day and remembered all those who have served The United States of America over the years.

Random Odds and Ends from the Week

~How annoying is it that anytime there is a holiday weekend ahead that the weather forecast is always AWESOME until the Thursday before the long weekend? Is it a.) they know everyone is looking forward to beautiful weather for their vacation so they try to be optimistic or b.) the weather people are secretly paid by the travel industry. Which do you think?

~President Obama and the wreath. Personally, I could care less if he goes or not to Arlington. Joe Biden will represent the executive branch with much stronger a backbone than the President anyway.

~I was glad to hear that President Obama did not forget to tell us that the "buck stops here" while continually reminding us that his response to the oil leak can in no way be compared to the Bush Administration to Katrina...Way to take responsibility for your actions

~I enjoyed the article in The Hill this week, recapping Sen.Corker(R.,TN)pleasant conversation with the President. I am sure the Senator will return home for a long weekend to great applause and sound-bytes:)

~Wish I could take a day off on the parenting front. It has been a LONG, Tough few weeks:(

~living within the "box" is having it's pro's and con's, I am not yet sure which side is ahead:)

I guess that is my Week in Review. Hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday weekend and take a moment to remember all those that have given their lives/time in order for us to have ours. Thank you to all who have served and continue to serve our country.

A Different Way

In a attempt to continue my life as a nonconformist, but lessen the emotional stress it is causing me and my family, I have decided to work within the "system" to change the "system". I am sure this will be no less annoying for those I am trying to change than it was when I was a screaming banshee, but this way they have to listen:)

This change is not going to easily to me as "Screaming Banshee" is who I have been forever, but I have promised the husband that I would give his way a try and see what happens.

I'll keep you posted!

Thanks, Ben.

As anyone who has read my blog this week knows, it was not one of my best. The best way to sum it up is that I wasted alot of valuable time on things that were not so valuable. As I look back on this week and the things I did and see the things I wrote, I am sad and embarrassed. Because I acted that way. Because I was so stressed. Most of all I am sad and embarrassed that I lost time with my family because of my actions. It was crazy and I am so happy that I see that now. I hope that I can continue to see what is important.

What made the light shine, you ask? I'll tell you, it was much needed time alone with my husband. Time for me to talk and not have to guard what I was saying. Time to bounce feelings and ideas off someone who wasn't there to judge, just to listen. Time to just be me, with the only person who really knows who that is.

I love that he can follow my conversations as I jump from one to another and back, sometimes days later:) He makes the fact that I cannot follow a routine a good thing, not a bad one. He understands that I am driven solely by emotion and he is there to provide the reason. That is what he does for me, he balances me. And boy did I need that this week.

This post is not meant to make people think my marriage is "perfect" if "perfect" exists, because it is not. We fight and take each other for granted just like other couples. And we have our ups and downs, but the key is that WE have them. Together we have them. The point of my post is to say that I am sorry. I am sorry to my friends and family and especially to the 4 other people that have to live with me. I am sorry for the time I waste that could have been spent with you!

I am going to keep working on remembering what is important in life because who knows how many "do-overs" you get...


Today, the Lamar family laid their son,husband,brother,father and friend,SGT. Donald Lamar to rest. Sgt. Lamar was 23 years old. He was a 2 time purple Heart recipient and a True American Hero. Please think of them tonight as you say your prayers and/or Good Nights to your loved ones.

And I am Back!

WOW! Was I side-tracked the last few days. It is amazing how quickly some rain and one person can bring down your mood. I am happy to say that through good friends, xanax, meditation and my sister, I am back on track!

I realized today that the energy I was spending on a negative, mean self-centered person was time I was taking away from my loved ones. So, I will regroup and refocus!

I have a need for justice and equality in the world and among my friends and it is not there, it will never be there. I need to learn that there are some fights not worth having and trust in Karma. There is a balance in life and a balance within each of us and life is so much better when we find it.

I am so angry at myself for wasting the time I have the past few days when I have so many friends that I could be focusing on, but I haven't. I have friends and family that could use my "powers" so I am headed back in that direction:)

I Think You're Feelin' It Too...

I am feeling like I am very "high maintenance" today, and I bet my family and friends are feelin' it too. The day started out great! Monday is my favorite day of the week. To be truthful, Monday mornings between 9-12, when they all leave to go back to work and school, is my favorite part of the week. Today I woke up looking forward to that time, but had no luck. By 10 am, I was crying, yelling and calling the Husband to bitch. I continued that pattern, pretty much through the day. And because my Husband is the BEST husband for me, he answered every time because he knew I needed him too!

On continuing my bitchiness, I was sooooo happy to hear that President Obama's Aunt, who has been living in the US illegally, is now allowed to stay. And I am sure, the judge's ruling had nothing to do with him being President.

I am also glad we are cleaning-up that oil spill. And with all the time the President has spent down there, it is amazing he has had time for anything else...Oh wait, that's right he isn't there. I am so glad there is not a Republican in office ignoring this problem, it might get news coverage that way.

I sure am looking forward to tomorrow!

It is Not Working Today.

The positiveness is ALL gone for today. I am pissed-off, I am confrontational and I may be at the point of irrational. There is a person I know, that is causing all of the feelings I am having right now. Why I am allowing myself to be so bothered by her is a question I am looking for an answer too. However right now I am just going to be pissed-off and she should be happy that we will not see each other today and hope that by tomorrow, I have cooled down.

So, what do you think? Should I send and email and explain my anger, wait until tomorrow and see how I feel or do what is probably the "right" thing and take a xanax and let it go?

I will be waiting for your words of wisdom:)

Ah, Friday.

It has been another busy and crazy week around here. More monsters sick, too much school work to do, and PTO Bingo tonight, but most of it is done so maybe I can get back to my new positive ME:)

I was re-elected to the PTO Board for next year, not that I thought it would be an issue with our "Russian democracy" we have...only one name on the ballot for each position and I swear those on the ballot are hand picked!LOL! Anyway, I am there and I think it will be a great year next year!

I have so many other things I want to talk about like the oil spill and its lack of news coverage, why standardized testing sucks, the crazies in Great Britain but I am just too tired right now.

Before I go, I would like to say that a friend of a friend lost her son this week in Afghanistan and I really don't care what your views on the war are, I would just like you to keep in mind that there are still Heroes dying everyday even if it isn't on the news. So take a moment and remember those lost and all they leave behind.

Giving Credit

As most of you know, I am back/still in school, now trying for a Masters degree in History & Culture. Well, this past week I got the information on how the "new Obama" student loan plan will be affecting me and how I go about securing loans for the upcoming school year. I followed the links to the Direct Loans site that had all the new rules/regulations/forms available. What I found was wonderful! Easy to understand! Helpful! Logical! Just all around good. I have never had such a smooth time filling out forms and understanding what I was getting into with student loans.

So with that experience, I will say that barring any issues with distribution of my loans, President Obama and his administration have at least (1) check in the positive column from me. I am glad I found something.

Who knows, maybe Health Care will surprise me too. That would be a real victory for all!

Trying to Stay Positive

I have been very happy with the way my new positive approach to life has affected my family. It is crazy how much my attitude sets the tone for the entire family. It has made a world of difference in my son and I am so happy for that. Not that it has been lost on the others, but he really needed the change and it is working!

Now the issues I am having with this. I have been sick for 3 out of the last 4 weeks. First a week fighting food poisoning, and now a cold/virus thing that won't go away and has now caused my Shingles to come back in my NOSE! For anyone who has not had them, Shingles hurt, itch, burn so bad and they are in my very runny nose! That means that every time I have to blow my nose, my eyes tear-up from the pain! I am however moving forward with the positive me.

Here's to hoping I can stay positive!

About Marriage

Recently I have had many conversations about Marriage; from the definition to who/what can and should be allowed to marry. It really got me thinking about what I really "think" or "believe" about marriage and what is historically true about marriage. So, I did alittle research to see what was out there and I was surprised by what I found. I found that the institution of marriage is as old as time and has changed greatly in many ways, but stayed the same in others over that time.

First, I found that the earliest written history of marriage was found in Mesopotamia and written into Hammurabi's Code. There it says of marriage: If a man takes a woman to wife, but has no intercourse with her, this woman is no wife to him. I have seen scholars say that as the "cradle of civilization", Mesopotamia set the president for marriage as a union between a man and woman.

I also learned that there are many cultures where marriage to one or more person at a time is not only accepted, but encouraged. Even more interesting about this is that it is not allows men with more wives, sometimes it is wives with many husbands.

I learned that through history, the institute of marriage whether arranged by family or for love, was done with the idea that the man/husband would support his wife and family. While there are some exceptions to this, it has been the general school of thought.

What I did not find was much support or examples of same-sex marriage. While I did find some societies that acknowledged it, suchas Greece and some areas in China there were none where it was the "norm", in fact, the Theodosian Code in ancient Rome forbid same-sex marriage.

The other thing I found interesting is how marriage was not tied to religion until the European Christians tied it together. Before then it was mostly seen as "business" not religion, something among families.

At first I found my findings disappointing as I was looking for ways to support my position as pro same-sex marriage, and felt I did not find any, but after rereading my discoveries I think I have. I think I have because what I found was that "marriage" as a union between consenting adults has changed over-and-over since the beginning of time. And if same-sex marriage is wrong, is not the idea of a wife supporting her husband not just as wrong? The idea that a marriage cannot be anything other than a union between 1 man and 1 woman for procreation is a fairly new and European idea.

Here is where my view on marriage stands today, I believe that consenting adults should be free to marry whomever they choose and call it whatever they want. The key to my belief lies in the idea of consenting adults, by this I mean HUMAN, MENTALLY CAPABLE ADULTS! I do understand that the age of an adult varies from culture to culture and that is fine with me, so long as both sexes in that culture are seen as adults at that age. Other than that, I really think marriage should continue to be progressing concept, unique to each culture.